Page 12 of Of War and Realms

“What do you mean, bonding ceremony? Are you not already soul bonds?” Teryn asks skeptically.

I have to remind myself that the fae do not know the customs of the gods. Fuck, even we do not truly know them ourselves. The information I give to them is mostly speculative. I consider my next words, not wanting to upset the males' parents with the truth of the ceremony.

“Yes, we are.” My voice wavers slightly. “However, the bonding ceremony does not necessarily…need to be completed.” I bite my cheek; that was the wrong thing to say.

“If your souls are all incomplete, why would that not need to be completed? Why is this something I’ve not heard of before? Are there not other gods with their own soul bonds?” Teryn’s face flushes slightly, and she clasps her hands on the wooden table.

I glance at the prince, unsure if he’s okay with me explaining the full truth. There’s a sadness behind his eyes, but he nods. Sitting up, I give his mother a kind smile. “Every god has two soul bonds, though none of them have ever completed their bonding ceremonies. Or even met their bonds, for that matter. The thing is—” I pause, clearing my throat. I’m not sure why this is bothering me so much, but I feel like I’m going to hurt her by saying this. I’m glad I chose to wear linen, because it is quite hot in here. “The thing is, gods cannot be sanctioned if they accept their bonds. So it's either fulfill your role as a god, or complete the ceremony with your soul bonds. One cannot exist alongside the other.”

Several emotions pass over Teryn’s face while Niair appears confused at her reaction. She looks me over, scrutinizing every detail available to her. It feels like she’s trying to decide if she can trust me around her sons.

“Why have you not completed the ceremony, then? Surely if you’re here with them, that means you intend to. Right?” Fuck. What am I supposed to say to that?

No, actually, I haven’t decided if I will bond with them or leave them forever. So…yes, you’re right to be wary of me because I still might have to shatter every piece of their hearts.

“I’m not sure how much they told you, but I did not have any memories when I met them. So I didn't know who they were to me at the time. And because of that, we’ve found ourselves in this unique situation.”

She sits forward to lean against the table and narrows her eyes. “Are you saying you did not choose to meet them and are currently not choosing to stay with them?” Okay, fuck it. I’m not going to let someone else make me feel bad for what’s happening between my bonds and me.

“Correct. And just to make sure you understand completely…” My voice hardens, and I look directly into her unwavering gaze. “When I came to Earth, I had no intention of searching for them. I would have walked away the second I felt their presence. I never wanted to meet them. But I did.

“And now? I can’t bring myself to wish any of it were different. I love them. I would do anything to protect them. But at the end of the day, I am still a goddess. I still have responsibilities and expectations hanging over my shoulders. If it wasn’t a choice between fated love and fulfilling my preordained path, we would not be having this conversation.

“But nothing is that easy. I need you to understand that I never wanted to hurt them. I know that it will break us all if I make the wrong choice, but it is not something I have the privilege of choosing without thought. This decision is extraordinarily difficult, and I would appreciate to not be questioned about outcomes that I had no choice over. I am doing my best—we are doing our best—and we will figure this out together.” I gesture to my males. “That is the last I will speak of it.” No one, not even time, breathes as she and I stare at each other.

After minutes, when the delicate space between us tenses impossibly further, Teryn finally sits back. A big grin takes over her face, and she nods at me.

“The fates chose right when they picked you for Casmir and Emrys.”

I draw back. “What?” Confusion is certainly not the correct word to describe the warring emotions I’m feeling. I was prepared to have their mother hate me for the rest of our lives…but she no longer seems angry?

She smiles warmly at me, taking Niair’s hand into her own, as if the small touch is exactly the support she needs. Her hand is so small compared to his. It’s clear she expends too much energy trying to seem stronger than her body is allowing her to be.

“I am grateful they have you, Nell,” she claims sincerely. “I do not judge you for anything that has happened, or any choice you will make in the future. Thank you for protecting them so fiercely.” My posture softens, brows furrowing at her words. All I manage is a nod before retreating into myself.

Thankfully, Cas and Em take over the conversation and allow me time to work through what just happened. Is she right? Did the fates choose the three of us specifically because we’re perfect for one another, and not just at random?

My heart clenches while my stomach threatens to retch. How could there be any other choice? Rejecting them would dismiss fate…and what are the consequences of that besides our broken hearts?

If I’m being completely honest with myself…I know I’ve made my decision. I knew my choice the moment I saw them in that ballroom. I tried to convince myself otherwise—but in my soul I knew they were it. And when Ivana brought back my memories, and I suddenly understood the otherworldly connection between us? My decision did not change.

But knowing the answer and admitting it are two completely different challenges. I’ve hidden the truth behind wall after wall, hoping that one day I wouldn’t feel like such a failure and disappointment for it.

Thinking about it now, though…who would I be disappointing? My mother. I used to care about her opinion of me. The struggles I went through and the effort I put into everything? It was all for her. Just once, I wanted her to say she was proud of me. She never did, and she never will. Fuck her and her unattainable expectations.

I watch my bonds interact with their parents, all of them talking animatedly and interrupting each other every few sentences. The way they’re all so relaxed and comfortable with each other is incredible. I stay silent through dinner, just enjoying the pleasant conversation.

Once the table is cleared, the others relax in their seats, making it clear they expect to stay and talk a while longer. Casmir moves to rest a hand on his thigh, unconsciously stroking the soft fabric of his sweats—an idea flutters through my mind. This seems like the perfect opportunity for revenge.

I sit forward to rest my chin on my fist, feigning interest in the story Niair is telling of a trip he once made outside the Veil. I tug on my essence, coaxing it to separate and join my males in their chairs. I wait until they’re all laughing before wrapping my magic around my prince’s cock and pulling forward as if it were my hand.

It takes every ounce of self-control to not burst out laughing when he jerks forward, faking a cough in one hand as his other moves under the table. I reach for him, pushing out a concern I do not feel. “Are you all right?” I mimic what he first asked me during the council party. He doesn’t seem to catch on, appearing thoroughly confused by what just happened. Instead, he nods and gives me a smile before clearing his throat and straightening once more.

The older male continues with his story, gesturing loudly with his arms as he speaks. I bite my cheek, trying hard to quell any reaction as I run my magic over Casmir twice more.

“Oh—what the fuck!” He exclaims breathlessly, pushing a fist into his abdomen.

“Casmir?” Teryn questions lightly.

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