Page 46 of Of Gods and Pain

I don’t deserve their affections. I certainly am not worthy of them—but I want them, anyway.

She quivers around my fingers and I put a little extra pressure on her clit, leaning back to watch her come undone on me. She’s beautiful. The wet hair, sweat-slicked skin, and smeared makeup take nothing away from her attractive features.

I’m here fawning over this female, making her come on my hand, and I don’t even know her name. I laugh to myself as she drops her head to my shoulder, a trembling moan leaving her as my fingers do.

I’m not done yet, though.

I’ve got one more thing to do…something I know will really set Emrys off. I lift my arousal-soaked hand, showing off her cum to the entire building. I grab her chin and force her to look at me.

“Open,” I command, and she does so without hesitation. My fingers go to the back of her throat and I stare into her eyes, willing her to take what I’m giving. “Suck.”

As she does, I glance at my bonds to see Casmir shaking his head lightly but smirking; Em stands straight with his fists clenched, glaring at what I’m doing to her. This is his thing. And I’m sharing his thing with some random female.

Worth it.

I remove my hand and lean forward, pressing my mouth against her ear; I don’t look away from my males as I tell her to go clean up and kiss her one last time before she saunters off to the restroom. I don’t have a chance to ask them if they're enjoying themselves before a large, burly male steps in front of me, halting my advance.

“That was quite the performance you put on there, sweetheart,” he slurs. I nearly gag at the scent of liquor and sweat emanating off him. “Think you got room in your schedule for another?”

I roll my eyes, disgusted with everything about this interaction. Without deigning him a response, I side-step to walk around him, but he grabs my arm and yanks me back into his line of sight.

Heat shoots up my chest, and I curl my lip. He fucked with the wrong female.

“Do. Not. Fucking. Touch. Me.” I grind through my teeth.

He must be crazy drunk because he doesn’t even appear slightly intimidated; instead, he just laughs and beads of spit hit my cheek. I’m visibly trembling at this point.

Breathe, Nell. He’s not worth it.

But maybe that’s the reason he’s completely worth it. Another disgusting, rape-y male that is just asking to be fucked up? If I can’t get to Andras right now, he could do.

“I asked you a question, sweetheart.” His grip tightens and I see Cas and Em step forward, but I hold my hand up to stop them. He’s mine.

“And I told you not to fucking touch me. Looks like neither of us listens very well.”

“Oh, you’re a feisty one,” he smirks and leans in. His nasty, warm breath amplifies all the rage that has been building inside me for months.

“And you’re dead,” I state plainly. Confusion crosses his features a second before my leg swings up to knee him in the ribs. He bends and I use the angle to elbow his nose, knocking him back into the wall with a heavy grunt.

“How many others have you grabbed without permission?” I’m so fucking done with everyone thinking they can control me. This is my life! I get to choose what I do, who I am; and I sure as fucking hell get to choose who touches me.

I’m so angry and frustrated that if my mother were here right now, I think that for once in my life, I wouldn’t cower at her attention. No…I would tell her to fuck off and forget about me because I don’t want to be the goddess of anything.

There, I said it.

The big secret that I’ve kept hidden in places where no one would ever find it. I don’t want to be what I was born for. What I was bred for. And right now, I don’t care if every realm hears it. In fact, I hope my mother is listening. She’s going to be disappointed in me no matter what I do, so what’s the point of even trying anymore?

Fuck, I’m not okay right now. I’m so nauseous and dizzy. I feel like my entire world is crumbling down around me, and there’s no shelter from the falling pieces. I swallow back tears and focus on the bleeding male in front of me. He’s leaning over, one hand holding his knee and the other trying to stop the draining from his nose.

I grab his hair and yank his head back, forcing his eyes to meet mine. Not so smug now, is he? “If I ever hear that you’ve put your hands on someone again…” I lean forward so he’s the only one who hears me. I’m acutely aware of the entire room watching the interaction. “You and I will take a little trip to my home, where you will meet the rest of the gods. We don’t take kindly to those that touch what isn’t theirs. Do you understand?” My voice is sickly sweet, dripping with polished sarcasm.

He nods as much as he can with the way I’m holding him. I pull back to look in his watery gaze once more, making sure my words truly sink in, before letting him go and walking towards my males.

“Fucking bitch.” I halt, some gasps ringing around me. Casmir bites his lip, watching me with extraordinary hunger and raising his brows as if to ask, 'what now, princess?'

I cross one foot over the other and spin toward the bastard who just signed his death warrant. Am I a bitch? Yes. Does he deserve to die for speaking the truth out loud? Probably not. Do I care? Not right now.

I roll my shoulders and march towards him, so ready to show him exactly who he’s insulting. Just before I can reach him, large hands grab my arms and roughly pin them behind me. The smell of leather hits me hard and I’m outraged. Is he serious right now? The male who claimed he would do anything—kill anyone—for me, stopping me from defending myself?

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