Page 44 of Of Gods and Pain

I’m not okay.

I break through the surface of the rushing water, swimming to the bank and pulling myself onto the cool grass. My body falls to the pillowy terrain, arms splayed out, and I leave my feet just under the water’s surface. I could warm myself easily, but being cold means being numb. And being numb means slipping into that comfortable space where I don’t have to feel anything happening around me.

Beams of light peak from over the top of the mountain; the day is dying.

So is my soul.

I stop the jerk wanting to leave me when I hear quick footsteps getting closer, forcing my body to be still.

It’s not him. You’re in Anloria. You’re safe. He’s not here.

Two otherworldly faces take over my vision, and I can’t hold back the laugh that bubbles through my chest. They look so worried, though I’m not sure why. I guess nearly the entire time they’ve known me, I haven’t had access to my magic. They don’t actually know what I’m capable of, or who I am. They fell in love with the version of me that thought her life was hard as is.

If only she knew.

Another giggle comes out before I bite my lip and wave them away. They’re seriously like mother hens…can’t a girl jump off a fucking mountain without being scolded? Fuck.

“You should see your faces! Clearly, neither of you knows anything about me.”

“I know that you’re being reckless and abusing your magic.” Emrys’s voice is hard and piercing.

Is he serious? “Abusing my magic?” I sit up and glare deep into his eyes; my face burns, my breath quickening. “What the fuck do you know about abuse? Huh? Because from where I’m sitting, the only thing that’s been abused here is me.” I lean forward, knowing I’m going to regret saying more, but I can’t stop myself. “You don’t fucking tell me what to do. I’ll use my magic however I please.”

I throw myself back to the ground, pressing my palms to my forehead and growling.

“Fuck!” I scream at no one. Everything spins. I can’t think. It feels like little legs are crawling over my skin; I shouldn’t be this uncomfortable in my own flesh, but here we are. Too bad none of my distraction attempts have lasted very long…I’ll just have to try something else.

As my cold, wet shirt tightens over my aching breasts, I know exactly what that distraction should be. I tilt my head back to find Casmir sitting in the grass with me, leaning back on his palms, watching the sky as I was a few minutes ago. His beautiful face looks pained; I can’t have that…I know how to make it better.

I roll and push up in time to swing my leg over Cas’s, straddling him and keeping him where I want.

“I don’t want to fight, you guys…” I murmur, trailing my fingertips down the hard, mouthwatering planes of his chest. I look up at him through my lashes before closing the distance between our lips, pressing his to mine.

I use one hand to hold his face where I need it, and the other slides to the back of his neck, gripping the soft strands of hair. His skin is achingly warm and inviting; his jasmine scent fills me and a moan slips from me as my body falls into the familiarity of his. He grips my waist tightly, though he doesn’t move to touch me elsewhere.

That’s fine, I can be enthusiastic enough for the both of us.

I suck on his tongue, losing myself to his taste; my hands find their way under his shirt, trailing up the smooth lines. Am I about to fuck the prince right in his backyard? Yes I—

Hands grip my wrists, holding them steady as Cas pulls away from me. He keeps me at a distance and my brows furrow at the sad look on his face. He truly thinks I’m disgusting now? Of course he does. I’ve literally been used by the most vile creature in all the realms. Entering me would be a curse.

His eyes widen, and he blurts out, “That is not true! You don’t actually want this, princess. I will not fuck you until you ask.” He wants me to beg? Seriously? We’ve been apart for how long and already getting into the kinky shit?

“Okay…will you fuck me?” I push my lips out a little and, embarrassingly, have a whine to my voice. Gods, I’m desperate.

He looks at Emrys before focusing back on me, shaking his head lightly. His thumbs run across my palms in a soothing manner as he says, “No, not until you mean it. You—” He takes a deep breath before continuing. “You’re struggling right now, and you don’t actually want this.”

I narrow my eyes and bite my cheek.

“Fine.” I stand. “Emrys will give me what I want.” I stomp over in his direction and stop when I see how concerned he is. He looks so defeated. My bitchiness has reached a whole new level today.

I don’t care.

“Not tonight, love.”

Nausea swirls through my core, and my limbs tremble. “Ugh! I forgot how insufferable you two are.” Turning, I walk towards the castle, away from the males who want nothing to do with helping me. “Whatever, I’ll leave you two to jerk each other off and go find someone who does want to fuck me.” I walk swiftly away, pulling my essence to hide from their desperate calls.

I don’t want to hear them out right now. I need to stop whatever is happening in my head, and I know just the place for it.

---