Page 38 of Of Gods and Pain

I step in front of Em, tilting my head to determine the best way to do this without waking him. I shrug and mumble a curse to myself when I nearly fall forward after he’s in my arms. My magic is still a bit low, clearly. I shuffle sideways until I’m at the pillows and lay him down as gently as I can. He stirs but continues to dream.

He looks so at peace when he sleeps. It’s as if each moment awake is a struggle, causing the tension ever present in his face. But he doesn’t feel those things right now. It’s nice. I smile and sit on the bed next to him.

Rise. Fall. Rise.

I release a shaky breath; she’s still doing okay. I desperately wish there was a way to give her my magic. The reverse of what that leech does. I see Xamira jerk in my peripheral, and turn my head to watch as she stretches her limbs and stands. The way she can change her form at will is incredible. A moment ago, she was a large, intimidating, black panther; and now she’s a small, fluffy black cat. Her bright eyes meet mine and she blinks a few times, as if she’s confused.

“Do you remember what happened?” I whisper, knowing she can hear my soft voice.

She nods.

“And you’re okay?”

Another nod.

She strides over to Nell, looking over her injuries and growling low in her throat. She curls next to her bond, close enough to matter but far enough to not harm her. She blinks at me again.

“Did she tell you to go find her?” The sorid tilts her head slightly. “Before. Did Nell tell you to go to her?”

Nod.

She nestles into her fur, and her breathing evens out quickly. I move to take Emrys’s spot on the chair, clasping my hands in front of me. I should be figuring out what comes next. I should be talking with Leia about schedule changes, and things to pick up for Nell in the city. I should be stressing over how I’m going to help my bond through this. But I’m too tired to think about anything. Instead, I’ll use my energy to watch over them.

Fall. Rise. Fall. Rise. Fall.

Chapter Eighteen

Anellah

Sweet scents fill the air and I breathe them in deeply, relaxing further into the bed. I wonder where Andras placed me in the castle this time? This isn’t the smell of his rooms, and this certainly is not my prison; there’s a light humidity in the air, but it’s not the cold, stale environment I’ve spent too many nights in.

No…I must be dreaming. He wouldn’t have deposited me somewhere so nice and inviting. He was angry with me for what I did to Imogen. I wince as I adjust myself, which means he’s still angry because he hasn’t let me fully heal. I don’t feel as bad as I did, though, so at least that’s a plus. He must have something planned for today if he allowed me to heal a little. I could ask Bren; maybe he will know—

Bren.

An image of him dropping to a marble floor with blood spewing from his throat coats the peace I felt moments before.

All at once, everything slams into my already muddled brain.

I ran. Bren saved me. The fae of Ceross saved me. Xamira saved me. She picked me up, and everything is blank after that.

There’s a lot of blood on my hands; blood I’ll never be able to wash off. Or repay. So many sacrificed themselves so that I could escape, and now I must do everything I can to stop Andras. Opening a gate to an entirely new realm and destroying the two we live in, just because his ego is hurt?

Males can really be fucking idiots.

I don’t know how I’m going to do this. I’m tired…so tired. I have the strongest urge to find a pocket in the mountains and live there for the next few decades.

A light snoring echoes through the silent room. The calmed humming in my chest indicates all three of my bonds are in here with me, but I hesitate to greet them.

Why am I so nervous? This is all I’ve wanted for so long, and now I have them again. They’re here, and they’re safe. But what do I say?

“Hi, I’ve missed you.”

“Sorry it’s been a while. I was caught up from being brutally tortured and raped.”

“I’m sorry I lied, left you two here, and then got us all into this fucking mess because I’m an unbelievably stupid, selfish bitch.”

No, I’m just going to work myself up if I think about it too much more. So instead, I pry open my eyes and soak in my surroundings.

---