Page 49 of Of Gods and Pain

“That’s how you feel, isn’t it? That it’s you burdening us; holding us back, and not the other way around?” Fresh tears slide down her blotted face. She nods so lightly, I nearly miss the movement.

Gods, the things I want to do to every single person who hurt her. Especially Andras. That wretched ex-god is still winning; he’s nowhere near her, and she’s still feeling the effects of his touch.

Maybe that’s how we get her through this…Casmir grabs my shaking hand and squeezes before focusing on the defeated goddess in front of us. I look over to Xamira and see that she hasn’t moved since I opened the door. She looks heartbroken.

“Let us show you that’s not true, princess…you are not—and will never be—a burden to us. You are my entire fucking world, Nell. Nothing exists outside of our bond. I will spend the next millennia proving that to you, if that’s what it takes,” Cas’s tired voice cracks, and I rub the back of his hand with my thumb.

Nell watches our joined skin for a moment before shaking her head and lifting it to look us both in the eyes. The color of hers is a muted, pale off-white. I can’t handle this; she looks so empty, like nothing we say is registering in her mind. There’s nothing there but the emotions that have taken over every cell of her trembling body.

“No,” she whispers. “No. You have to let me go. This is the best decision for everyone.” Her heavy eyes slide to her sorid. “I’m sorry, Xamira. I love you.”

Fuck. No. She’s going to let go of her magic, and I have no way to catch her!

“Anellah!” I scream as she gives Cas and me a hint of a smile before descending to the ground. “NO!” I move to jump after her, but my prince throws me back and shoots out a hand, causing Nell to slam into a hard wall of air.

Scratch that…a box of air. She’s yelling and cursing at him as she’s attempting to find a weak point in his magic, but starts heaving when she realizes she’s stuck. He lifts her back towards the roof, sweat dripping down his forehead.

“Please—please stop! Just let me go! I can’t do this anymore.” Her voice is frail and stuttering as she drops to the roof and sobs so hard she’s wheezing. Cas and I look at each other before sliding over to her and pulling her non-resistant body into our arms. He sets her in his lap, and I press myself up against her back, tangling my legs with Cas’s, so that we sandwich her in.

She resits for several minutes, mumbling words that are too broken to understand. It takes every bit of strength I have to not let my own tears fall.

My soul is fracturing; a piece falls away with each heart wrenching sob that radiates through her body. For the first time, I wonder if we’ll actually be able to help her.

I don’t care what she needs, I’ll do it.

She needs the entire city of Ceross demolished? Done.

She wants to leave this city and move across the realm, leaving all of this behind for everyone else to deal with? The bags are already packed.

She wishes to march to Andras right now and feast on the pieces of flesh she slices off him? I’m hungry, let’s go.

I will do anything she asks.

Except let her go.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Anellah

“Iswear this is going to help you, love. You need to let everything out, and this is the best place for that.”

I peer up at my honey-eyed male; there are darkening circles above his cheeks, and I feel guilty knowing I’m the one who caused them. He and Cas haven’t let me leave their sides in days, which means they’re present for every one of my nightmares. I understand their concern, but I feel so tied down.

Maybe Em is right; maybe releasing all of my pent-up emotions would be helpful. I look around the training room, unsure of how I feel that nothing has changed. The weapons are still shiny, hanging on the wall. The windows are clear and showcase the large city below us. All the element stations appear untouched. It’s almost like time paused here when I was gone, though I know that’s not true.

“You won’t hurt anyone,” his soft voice pulls me from my drowning thoughts. “This room was spelled years ago, so your magic cannot escape.”

I don’t face him as I whisper, “I’ll hurt you.” I’ve done enough of that.

He slides in front of me with a playful grin on his face. “I can take it.” He winks, and his smile gets wider at my eye roll.

Gods, his beauty would make angels weep in jealousy.

I wouldn’t mind using this time to just admire his and Casmir’s faces. I long for every smile, each piece of messy hair, and the little dimples Cas gets when he grins. But the prince is in his study attending to things he’s apparently put off for months, and I’m here with his captain while he tries to tease me into training with him.

“That mouth is going to get you in trouble one of these days.”

“I love when you threaten me,” he groans and I huff out a breath, holding back the laugh that almost escaped.

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