Page 22 of Of Gods and Pain

“Be with me in this moment, Nell,” he pleads softly. I snap my eyes to his at the tone. He looks broken. “Enjoy this with me. See how good we are together.” He looks away for a moment, conflicted about something but coming to a decision before speaking again. “If you submit to me, be my queen, I won’t ask anything else of you. All of this stops. Everything except for the love I have to give you. I love you, Anellah. My sweet Nell. You are everything, and it kills me to hurt you. Please, just agree to be mine willingly, and this is all over.” He waves his hand to the surrounding space.

Is he serious? No, there’s no fucking way. All he does is lie…he tricked me twice, acting as if he was in love with me when he was just waiting for the right moment to take my magic. No, I can’t trust this.

But would it be so wrong to try? I mean, what have I got to lose at this point? Maybe he’d just stop hurting me for a while, and I have to admit it would be so fucking nice to get a break. To see the sun and walk around.

I’m so at odds with myself, but hear the last word I ever expected to say leave my mouth. “Yes.”

His smile is big and genuine. His mouth smashes into mine at the same time he thrusts into me, and the burning from the intrusion causes a pained moan to leave me. Andras wraps an arm around my back, while his other hand grabs my hair, and I’m suddenly supporting his entire weight as he drives into me hard.

I don’t want this.

This feels so good.

I can’t like this.

Fuck, he knows what he’s doing.

Stop! No.

I throw my inner bitch to the side and wrap my arms around his neck, kissing him back with a passion I didn’t know I could fake. I meet each one of his thrusts with my hips and he moves his face to the crease of my neck, groaning loudly.

I tell myself it’s okay. I allow myself to be in this moment with him and feel everything I don’t want to. It’s just sex. It’s just two bodies moving together. It’s just basic needs being met.

Nothing more.

The one good aspect of my situation is not getting pregnant. Female gods must use their magic to allow conception; it is impossible to impregnate her otherwise, giving me one less thing to worry about. I'm surprised Andras hasn't tried forcing me to release a fertile egg…though I suppose having a child isn't part of his long-term plans.

He grinds forward, rubbing my clit and the heat that started building explodes as my walls contract around the male who’s caused my suffering for decades. He screams loudly and shoves himself as deep as he can, filling me up with his cum.

“By the gods, Nell, you are fucking incredible. Thank you,” he breathes into my neck, placing kisses along the sleek skin.

I stare up at the ceiling, dazed. Can I do this? Allow myself to be his? Willingly kiss and fuck him whenever he wants?

A tear slips out of the outer corner of my eye, falling into my damp hair.

I don’t know.

Chapter Ten

Casmir

Damp rock assaults my elbows as I lean back on the pool steps. I’m spending more and more time in here lately, and it’s purely for selfish reasons. No other staff know of this area, so they can’t call on me at all hours of the protracting days.

Fuck, I shouldn’t be doing this.

But what else can I do? I’m useless to the staff, the guard, and my people right now! All I can think about every single moment is her. I’m lost, and my irritability with everyone else proves that harrowing truth.

I’ve never felt so worthless. She needs us, and we can’t help her without killing everyone and going against her requests.

If I’m honest with myself just once…I don’t give a fuck who dies saving her. I would sacrifice every being in this realm just to know she’s safe.

I would take our entire army right this second if I could. I’ve known each of those fae for decades, and even consider some friends, but that apparently doesn’t change my mind.

Maybe that makes me a dreadful prince. I don’t care.

But it’s not just up to me, so I’m not honest with myself. I tell my addled soul that we can’t sacrifice everyone for her. That it’s the wrong decision. I fight with its deafening pleads every day, and it’s getting harder to say no. I don’t want to say no. Fucking gods, I’m a mess.

The only thing holding me together is knowing she’s alive. I can feel pulses of her essence once in a while. Just enough to tell me she’s still fighting.

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