Page 83 of Damaged

“I’m still the youngest,” I murmured as I lay in Dalton’s arms. Despite my parents offering us a bedroom in the house, I hadn’t been ready for that. I’d only begun to get reacquainted with members of my immediate family, the ones that were at the house anyway, and I was already overwhelmed.

“What?” Dalton asked. He was half asleep. I couldn’t blame him because he’d had a tough twenty-four hours. Between my complete and utter breakdown that morning and spending the entire day being given tours of the house, barn, and other parts of the property, along with all the food my mother had placed in front of him at each meal, he had to be exhausted. Not to mention all the physical wounds I’d inflicted upon him in my struggle to get away from him earlier. It wasn’t that the damage I’d done to him was horrible, but the fact that I’d lashed out at him like I had was tearing me apart inside.

Especially since whenever I looked at him, I saw the scratch marks on his cheek where my nails had torn his skin. His well-trimmed beard hadn’t been enough to hide the marks.

“My parents never had any more children after me and Aggie, and Aggie was before me, so…”

“You’re the baby of the family,” Dalton murmured. A smile tugged at his mouth. “So you have even more spoiling to come,” he added. He opened his gorgeous eyes. One was marred by some black and blue around it. Another result of my purge, as Dalton liked to call it. I supposed that was what it had been. I just never thought I would turn my rage and pain on him in any kind of physical way. But he hadn’t been Dalton at the time. It was the same as when he’d attacked me after I’d woken him from his nightmare.

During my breakdown he hadn’t been Dalton.

He'd been Ivan.

He’d been Ivan holding me down and raping me for the first time. I’d cried and struggled, but Ivan hadn’t let me go. He’d forced his cruelty on me, stolen my innocence and left me lying face down over his bed as his semen and my blood had seeped out of me. He’d been Ivan as he’d hurt me every day from then on and had always hung the threat of death over my head. He’d been Ivan who’d beaten me within an inch of my life after I’d gotten Maggie’s baby to safety.

When I’d finally heard Dalton’s voice drowning out Ivan’s, I’d begun to surface from the darkness that had been sucking me under. Dalton hadn’t just been talking to me. He’d been screaming to me. Not at me, to me. He’d told me he’d never let me go, no matter what I did to him. He’d given me an outlet for the rage and then he’d given me solace for the grief that had followed.

I reached out to run my fingers over the scratches on his cheek.

“Don’t,” Dalton said as I opened my mouth to speak. “No more apologies, sweetheart. I’m glad they’re there. They remind me that I was finally able to give you what you’ve been giving me from the day you walked up to me in that hospital.” He paused before softly adding, “Something to hang on to.”

I smiled as I remembered the words I’d said to him that day.

“I love you, Dalton.” This time I was the one to kiss him in that sweet way that seemed like nothing but meant everything.

“I love you too…”

When he paused, I asked, “What is it?” I wasn’t worried about his declaration because I knew it to be true.

“I don’t know what to call you. Do you want me to call you Silver or Andrew?”

I sighed as I thought about his dilemma. It should have been an easy question to answer, but it wasn’t.

“I hate everything about the name Silver because Ivan gave it to me, but that’s who I was when we first met. It binds us together, I guess. Andrew is still a little kid trying to remember different things, different people. I feel like I’d be a stranger to you if you called me that. At least for now. Does that make sense?” I asked.

“Absolutely,” Dalton responded. “I love you, Silver. So fucking much.”

Joy swept through me. I’d never tire of hearing the words, no matter how often he said them. This time when I kissed him, it was definitely not a sweet kiss. Dalton returned it with fervor. If I hadn’t known how exhausted he was, I would have let the needy kiss continue. Instead, I broke the kiss and pulled back a bit so I wouldn’t be tempted to do it again. I reached down to run my fingers over Sadie’s head. Though the lab normally slept at my feet, I’d encouraged her to move up the bed, so she was lying between my and Dalton’s legs. I remembered hitting the dog during my show of rage, and the guilt I carried about that was as deep as the guilt I felt for what I’d done to Dalton. Like Dalton, the lab had forgiven me instantly. She’d even stayed with me when Dalton and I had been separated as we’d spoken with different family members during the day.

“I think my mom loves you,” I said. “She cries every time she sees you or I mention your name.”

Dalton chuckled. “She hugs a lot, that’s for sure.”

My man might have been trying to make light of that fact, but I’d seen his reaction every time my mother had put her arms around him and thanked him. It hadn’t been a polite hug. It had been an all-in, mama bear kind of hug.

“And my dad?” I asked. I hadn’t seen as much of my father and Dalton together, but it seemed like they’d spent hours exploring the house, the expansive land around it, and especially the boats.

“A hugger too,” Dalton said with a smile. “Not so much on the crying.”

I smiled because my parents’ attention and immediate fondness for him was something entirely new for him. It also hadn’t fazed them that I was in a relationship with a man, though I supposed when things settled down, it could become an issue.

“And my brothers?”

Dalton laughed out loud. “Not so much on the hugging. More like… interrogators. Especially Nick.”

“I think that’s the navy part of him. My dad told me something about a natural rivalry between the army, navy, and one other one.”

“The air force.”

---