Page 43 of Damaged

What I did know was that every second Silver spent in my home—at my house, I reminded myself—would be fraught with regret.

Regret and so much more.

So much fucking more.

God, sometimes it really sucked to be right.

And wrong.

The past two weeks had been both heaven and hell. My house sparkled like no one’s business, but having Silver around every hour of every day was the most bittersweet kind of torture. Our relationship, if it could even be called that, had gone from awkward to downright fucked up. Silver was holding up his end of the deal. Every morning when I stumbled out of bed, breakfast was warming in the oven and as soon as Silver saw me, he put the food on the table. Unlike the first few days, though, he hadn’t joined me, choosing instead to use the opportunity to straighten up my room. My sheets smelled crisp and clean whenever I got into bed, and the small window in my room that had only previously let in a few shards of light now welcomed the sunlight in all its glory. I had gotten used to not needing to close my curtains each night when I’d lived alone, but now if I didn’t remember, I’d get an early wake-up call with all the damn light.

Problem was, I kind of liked it.

Just like I liked listening to Silver hum as he worked or watching him stare at the water through the kitchen window before he became aware of my presence.

Unfortunately, my senses weren’t the only thing that had become hyperaware of every move the young man made. My dick was pretty much always at half-mast, even when Silver wasn’t around. On the occasions when I was unlucky enough to walk into a room only to find Silver bent over as he worked, I pretty much had to make a quick exit and escape to my boat for a few minutes or make use of the shower and its chilly water.

Adding to the mess was the fact that we never talked unless Silver had a question related to his “job.” I wasn’t even sure which one of us had written the unspoken rule. At first, I’d been glad because it had let me pretend I was still alone, but after two weeks of not being able to read Silver’s emotions from afar, the solitude had become like something crawling beneath my skin. It didn’t matter that Silver often made himself scarce as soon as he saw me. I spent every hour of every day worrying that he would just disappear; run off into the woods and be gone forever.

One of the only good things that had come out of all this was also one of the things I was least proud of. When we’d left the bus station, we’d stopped at Walmart to grab a few changes of clothes for Silver along with some other items. Silver had been so fascinated by the store and the fact that it sold everything from clothes to groceries to tires that he hadn’t been aware of what I’d been throwing in the cart. It wasn’t until we’d gotten home that he’d begun protesting and insisting that I take the items from his pay. I had readily agreed, not because I hadn’t wanted to deal with arguing with Silver but because I’d liked seeing the hint of a smile that had crossed his features as he’d unpacked not only his new belongings, but all the food I’d filled the cart with so I wouldn’t have to worry about having food delivered for a while.

The part that I wasn’t so proud of was the few times I’d used Silver’s lack of knowledge about certain things against him.

Like his salary. With no understanding of money, especially American money, Silver hadn’t complained when I’d told him I’d pay him five hundred dollars per week. It wasn’t that the high amount was a problem for me because I’d saved up a good deal of money since I’d bought my house. No, it had to do more with why I was paying him so much.

The truth was I didn’t want him to leave. Not on his own in the middle of the night or by having him demand I take him to the dreaded bus station. I kept trying to convince myself that I was only keeping him close because my gut was still hung up on that car that I’d believed had been following us, but the reality was much harder to accept.

I liked having him there.

Sure, having a clean house was nice, but even if all he’d wanted to do was sit on his ass all day and stuff his face with the junk food I’d bought specifically for him, the warmth in my stomach that fluttered to life whenever I saw or heard him was more soothing than the alcohol and pills I used to ease my physical pain.

It made no sense.

None at all.

I needed to send the young man on his way, preferably to Seattle where he’d be under the watch of Jace and Caleb and all the men and women Jace worked with. I’d had more than one opportunity to turn him over to Jace because my friend called me on a nearly daily basis to check on how things were going. Yet every time I’d heard the voice of the only man I’d ever trusted outside of those I’d worked with in the army, I’d been stingy on the details of Silver’s stay with me.

I sighed as I stared at the ceiling in my bedroom. Yeah, I was fucked, just like I’d known I would be when I’d driven out of that bus station parking lot.

Despite all the turmoil going on in my head, I found myself smiling as I took in the evidence of Silver’s work in my room. There wasn’t a speck of dust anywhere, my clothes were clean and neatly folded in the laundry basket he left on top of my dresser, and I could even hear the chirping of birds outside my window because Silver had somehow managed to enter my room while I was still asleep and opened both it and the curtains. I should have seen it as an invasion of my privacy, but I couldn’t pretend that I didn’t like waking up and having those few moments of pleasure before my brain reminded me of my damaged body and sent pain signals up and down my spine.

I forced myself to sit up even though my body was screaming in protest. I reached for the bottle of whiskey I kept on my nightstand and searched out my pills. I froze when I saw a large glass of water sitting where the alcohol should have been. My pills were still there but the water was a clear and very unwelcome message. Rage tore through me as I downed a handful of the pills without the use of the water.

“Son of a bitch!” I shouted.

I remembered to pull on my jeans before I grabbed the water and stormed out of my room. There was no anticipation of what was for breakfast, just like there was no need to lay eyes on Silver simply to make sure he was still around. No, I needed to lay eyes on him for a whole different reason.

I stormed into the kitchen but came to an abrupt stop when I saw Silver sitting at the table. In front of him was not only a cup of the hot tea he’d started drinking after our excursion to Walmart, but also the bottle of whiskey he’d taken from my room. Those weren’t the items my brain lingered on, though. A heavy sense of dread overtook my anger.

Because there was one more thing sitting in front of what I now clearly recognized as a very pissed-off Silver.

The money.

My money. I knew without needing to count it that it was all there… every penny I’d paid him.

Shit.

Chapter 14

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