Page 35 of Damaged

“I wanted to lay you down on that table and suck that gorgeous cock of yours into my mouth?—”

“Stop!” Silver cried, but he didn’t seem scared. More like… intrigued. And also very confused.

“Just stop,” he whispered as he firmly pulled free of my hold. But he didn’t get up to leave. He shifted his body until there was no threat of my legs touching his and then he balled his hands together and began wringing them.

“Was that your first orgasm?” I gently asked. It wasn’t any of my business, but the idea of being the first person to ever bring him pleasure after a lifetime of pain was something I just had to know.

Silver managed a slight nod. Despite all the bruises that were slowly healing on his face, I could see his skin go pink. His throat did the same thing. I opened my mouth to continue probing him with questions until I saw the angry welt on his throat. It didn’t look as bad as it had twenty-four hours ago, but it didn’t matter.

I needed to take him to the bus station or wherever else he wanted to go. I needed to escape.

I needed my pills.

And my drink.

And my boat so I could hear the soft water lapping against its hull.

“I didn’t know it could be like that,” Silver said, his voice cutting into my thoughts. “I mean, I knew guys could do it even when they were alone, but I never could, and Ivan only liked—” His mouth snapped shut when he realized what he was about to say.

Even if I hadn’t already learned what I had about Silver’s past, his words alone told me that any and every man who’d put their hands on him had done so in cruelty and degradation.

“It was my first kiss, too,” Silver continued. “But you probably knew that because I didn’t… couldn’t… um, do it right.”

“I haven’t kissed a ton of guys, but I can say without a doubt, you’re definitely doing it right,” I said with a chuckle.

Seeing Silver’s mouth tug up into a little smile made my heart beat faster. It didn’t last very long, though.

“I still shouldn’t have… used you like that,” he said, his voice raspy like he was trying to stifle tears. “I don’t know how it happened…”

Holy fucking shit. Was that what he thought? Had he been seeing the encounter like that from the moment he’d climbed off my lap?

I knew I was on thin ice. Making light of it, like I had when he’d said he hadn’t done the kiss right, wasn’t what he needed right now. Fuck, I wasn’t good at this shit. Jace knew how to talk to people.

I didn’t.

“If I hadn’t wanted what you were doing to me, I would have told you so. I would have told you to stop and you would have, right?”

“Yes,” Silver murmured, like he already knew what was coming next.

“Stop,” I said softly, more to myself than anything else. “I have a feeling you weren’t allowed to use that word much in your life,” I suggested even as I wanted to throw up.

Silver’s response was not to respond at all. His eyes had fallen to the shiny floor of the boat. Even though I wasn’t certain if he’d freak out if I touched him, I needed to see him to make sure my next words were heard, so I gently lifted his chin again and kept my fingers there to prevent him from automatically looking back down.

“I can’t even begin to imagine what you’ve been through, but you’re free now and that word means something. Any person, man or woman, has no right to ignore that word and if they do, you fight like hell to make them hear it,” I said, trying my hardest to keep my voice even.

Not surprisingly, Silver didn’t respond to my statement. I doubted it was something he’d ever get used to… having the right to live his life the way he wanted.

The young man before me was so tense, I was sure he’d snap in two.

I looked at the house, then around the back of my boat. My eyes shifted to the smooth water.

“Do you want to go for a ride?” I asked. “In the boat, I mean—around the lake. Before we go to the bus station.” The last words tasted sour in my mouth. I wanted him to accept the offer just as much as I wanted him to decline it. The logical side of my brain was sending out warning flags that should’ve had me out of the boat and heading for my car, but some other part—probably the same part that had latched on to the knowledge that I’d not only been his first kiss but responsible for his first orgasm as well—was telling me not to let him go.

He was an intrusion in my life. I liked being alone. I liked that people didn’t stop by to visit. I liked not having to make small talk. I liked being able to down shot after shot and shove pills down my throat until I couldn’t think or feel anymore.

“Okay,” Silver murmured before I could take the offer back. My house was my home, but my boat was my entire life. Besides Jace and later Caleb, I’d never let anyone else set foot onto it.

One quick ride around the cove that my house overlooked and that would be it.

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