Page 21 of Damaged

I’d done that all on my own.

Because he’d kissed me.

My first kiss.

My first time saying words admitting to a truth that I’d worked so hard to extinguish from my life. But to have those same words said back to me with what I’d thought was heartfelt emotion…

I feel.

God, I was such a fucking fool. The whole scene that had changed the trajectory of my life had been nothing but an elaborate plan to gain my compliance.

The saddest part?

It had worked.

Fully and completely.

I was one hundred percent at Dalton’s mercy, and I no longer cared. When we got to his place, I’d let him stick his dick wherever he wanted, I’d let him humiliate and degrade me however he wanted, and I’d take whatever amount of money he chose to put in my hand, whether it was only a single dollar or two hundred of them.

None of it mattered because I’d be too busy trying to lance the wound that was growing inside of me like some insipid weed that had a pretty but deadly flower or berry on it so it could lure its victims in without hesitation.

I would close that gaping wound once all the ugliness had drained out of it and Dalton was out of my life for good.

I kept my eyes on the passing scenery that I wasn’t really seeing when I said, “You can’t do that again.” I hated that my voice cracked just a little bit as I spoke.

Not surprisingly, Dalton didn’t respond, and the truth was it didn’t matter what his response would be. I was the one who needed to regain control of the situation and as hard as it was to admit, if Dalton did to me what he’d done in that parking lot, I’d never be able to escape him. “If you kiss me again, deal’s off.”

The words didn’t make me feel any better, but Dalton’s response sure as hell did because with one simple word, he sliced that wound inside of me wide open so all the ugliness could drain out of it.

“Fine.”

Chapter 7

DALTON

By the time I jerked my SUV to a jarring stop in front of my house, I was on the verge of passing out. I’d popped two more pain pills in the final hour of the drive and while they’d taken the edge off, they’d done nothing to keep me focused on the road.

Surprisingly, though, it hadn’t been the fire screaming up my spine that had pushed me over that edge.

It had been the young man next to me.

Even now I could still taste the lushness of his lips. I could feel the inexperienced way they’d moved beneath mine. I could hear the whimpers spilling from his throat as he’d tried to figure out how to kiss me back.

I wanted to laugh at the irony of it. In the space of a day, the injuries that had plagued me from the moment I’d been discharged from the VA had taken a back seat to the unwanted and very unwelcome emotions that had exploded in my chest when I’d sealed my mouth over Silver’s. I couldn’t even lie to myself and pretend I’d only kissed him to prevent him from going with the trucker.

Whatever my motive had been for kissing Silver—and truth be told, deep down I already knew it was because I’d wanted to kiss him—it had left me reeling and relieved. When I’d first picked Silver up, my whole goal had been to get rid of him as quickly as I could, preferably returning him to Jace’s care, but Silver’s defiance and strength had made me do something I never would have done under normal circumstances. And while I hadn’t kissed him to prevent him from going with the trucker, because I’d forgotten all about that asshole as soon as Silver’s gorgeous eyes had exposed emotions he’d probably never felt in his life, the relief that he was once again sitting next to me in my car was palpable. My fury was still there too, though, because even now I wanted to commit murder as I thought about the things that fucker would have done to Silver. Hell, if I was being honest with myself, I knew I wouldn’t have let the young man get in the cab of that semi, even if kissing him had completely derailed my intentions.

My current problem, though, was that all the fire that was consuming me wasn’t just a mixture of pain and lust. It felt primal, animalistic. I wanted to put my stamp of ownership on Silver. At the same time, I wanted to get as far away from him as I could.

I’d fucked more men than I could count from the moment I’d lost my virginity to an older yet very submissive guy when I’d been eighteen and on leave while stationed overseas. I’d loved every moment of it. Even though it had taken place in a shitty bathroom stall of a busy club with the man bent over in front of me, his hands splayed on the wall and his screams of pleasure ringing through the crowded bathroom for all the world to hear, none of that had mattered to me. For the first time in my life, I’d been in complete and utter control.

There’d been no chance of the guy leaving me behind, no looks of disappointment, no cruel words… nothing. After that, I’d let guys blow me in alleys behind clubs, I’d fucked a few cadets in my own unit who’d made it clear they played for my team, and I’d taken advantage of any guy with a fuckable ass who’d been seeking the same few moments of blissful, albeit temporary, peace as me. One thing never changed, though—no matter what the circumstances had been.

I walked away first.

I was always the one to walk away first.

And then, just like that, it had all been over. Pleasure had been replaced with pain, excitement about the future had turned into nothingness, and waking up every morning raring to go on whatever project or mission was planned for that day had been replaced with that one split second when I forgot.

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