Page 65 of Damaged

“He’s fine, Silver,” Ronan said as he approached the bed. “He lost at least one lead and that’s what set off the alarm.”

Ronan was in the process of turning off the alarm as I explained to Silver about the leads attached to my body so my heart could be under constant observation. “The nurses can see every patient’s heart rate on their own screens at that counter where you found me. If the alarm goes off here, it goes off there too and an entire team of nurses and doctors come running because the assumption is that the patient’s heart has stopped or is in some other kind of trouble.”

“Most times it’s just a loose or detached lead,” Ronan said. “Or three,” he added with a smirk as he searched out the different leads on my body and refastened them. I was wearing the dreaded hospital gown, so it made it easier for Ronan to reattach the leads. I wondered how I’d ended up in the gown because I couldn’t remember anyone changing me.

“It’s not often that a patient is moving around so much in bed that the leads come free like this, but it happens,” Ronan explained. He flashed Silver a wink.

If I hadn’t known how deeply in love the man was with his husband, I would have tried to punch him for that wink, but since it made Silver smile as he dropped his forehead to my chest in relief, I almost wanted to thank Ronan.

Almost.

“How are you feeling?” Ronan asked as he settled his hands on the rail on my side of the bed.

“Great,” I automatically responded. When Ronan tilted his head at me, I admitted, “A six… now.”

“Dalton!” Silver nearly yelled before he remembered where we were. His voice was hushed when he continued with, “Why didn’t you tell me? We shouldn’t have been… you know…”

The blush that suffused his cheeks was too cute to ignore. “What? We shouldn’t have been what?”

Silver gave me a gentle shove, and this time when he tried to extricate himself from my body, I let him. I immediately missed the feel of him in my arms, but I knew it was time to get serious.

Ronan waited until Jace pushed one of the more comfortable chairs in the room to the side of my bed so Silver could sit. His fingers linked with mine.

“Is he okay?” Silver asked Ronan. “A six isn’t good.” I remembered the pain scale I’d explained to him after I’d unknowingly attacked him the morning after we’d gotten back to my house after I’d picked him up on the side of the interstate. God, how long ago had that even been?

“He’s fine,” Ronan assured Silver. “It just means he’s going to need some more painkillers soon.”

Silver’s eyes widened in confusion. “He’s going to take more pills?”

Just like that, all the warmth I was feeling was sucked out of the room. Silver must have noticed something in my reaction because he squeezed my fingers and waited until our eyes met before whispering, “It doesn’t matter. We’ll be okay.”

We’ll.

Not You’ll.

Was he really saying what I thought he was?

“No, Silver. No pills. Since Dalton has been here, a doctor has been deciding how much pain medication he should get and when. They inject it into him. He hasn’t had any pills or alcohol since he finished the rapid detox.”

I couldn’t be upset with Silver for his obvious relief. After all, one of the last times he’d seen me was when I’d been sprawled out on the floor next to my bed, oblivious to his attempts to wake me up.

“Dalton,” Ronan said. He waited until I was looking at him. “Dr. Blacklock has given me permission to talk to you about your options when it comes to your back.”

I stiffened because I knew I couldn’t put this conversation off any longer. I nodded.

“You know that it’s your right to continue like you have been for the last two years. You can self-medicate with alcohol and?—”

“No,” I interjected, then said simply, “That’s not going to happen.” It was true. I didn’t care how much work it took to get clean and stay that way, I would make it happen. Yes, part of it would be for Silver, but even if he hadn’t been in the picture, my answer would have been the same. This was something I needed to do if I wanted to get some semblance of a normal life back. I wanted to build that life with Silver, but I knew that I couldn’t do it for him. I had to do it for me. It was my only chance at long-term sobriety.

Ronan nodded. “I know you aren’t ready to make the decision about surgery even though you understand what the outcome will eventually be if you don’t do anything.”

“Yeah,” I said grimly. It was a lose-lose situation. If surgery didn’t leave me an invalid, doing nothing eventually would. Ignoring the problem would only buy me some extra time before the inevitable.

Silver had gone completely silent even though his grip on my hand was still tight. I glanced at him and saw that he was trying hard to fight back tears. I pulled our joined hands up to my lips and kissed his knuckles. “Let them fall, sweetheart. Holding them in will only make it worse.”

Silver shook his head even as the first of the tears began silently sliding down his cheeks.

“So I really only have one option,” I admitted. Now I was the one struggling to keep the tears at bay. The idea of being left paralyzed terrified me. I could probably figure out how to survive as a paraplegic, but losing the use of all my limbs… I didn’t know how I could live that way. Yes, it was possible and there were many people who were leading full lives as quadriplegics, but I doubted I had the mental or emotional strength to go through something like that, even if I did have Silver by my side. And what kind of life would that leave Silver with? He’d probably feel obligated to stay with me at first but then he’d eventually come to resent me. He was so young, and he’d survived so much already that he deserved his freedom.

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