Page 59 of Damaged

“You have to make the decision yourself, and depending on how long you’ve been drinking—” Ronan began.

“Two years,” I interjected. “Before that, I used to drink here and there, but it wasn’t until two years ago that there wasn’t a ‘here and there’ anymore.”

“If you’ve tried to stop on your own then you already know what withdrawal feels like,” Ronan said.

I nodded because I had tried to stop once but I hadn’t made it through an entire day before the withdrawal symptoms had won out.

Both men kept silent, and I knew why.

I had a choice to make. Here and now. I glanced at Silver’s closed door for a moment. Although I didn’t know where we were in terms of any kind of relationship, the answer didn’t affect my decision. If I tried to stop for someone else, it would never work.

I had to choose for me and me alone.

As terrifying as the idea was, it ended up being one of the best ones I’d ever made. I looked Ronan directly in the eyes when I asked, “Can you get me into a rapid detox program?”

Ronan hesitated for a moment because he knew what I was asking. “Yes,” he finally said.

“Can you keep him safe when I’m not with him?” I had no right to ask the question of Ronan and Jace since I hadn’t yet talked to Silver about any of it, but I didn’t care. There was no way I was going to let him walk away, not after understanding the potential danger he was in.

My fate was sealed when both men said, “Yes,” at the same time.

Chapter 20

SILVER

A few days.

That was what Dalton had promised me when he’d wrapped his big arms around me and pressed a kiss to the top of my head right before telling me everything was going to be okay.

Then, just like that, he’d been gone, leaving me alone in his little red house surrounded by men with guns who were “keeping an eye on things.”

A few days had turned into a few weeks and counting, and I could feel myself coming apart at the seams.

Although I’d been able to talk to Dalton on the phone several times since he’d left, our conversations had been stunted and awkward and every time I’d hung up, I’d wondered what the hell was happening.

Three weeks and now I did know what was happening. I was going completely insane.

Dalton hadn’t explained much about the rapid detox process that he’d be undergoing but the internet had filled in the blanks for me after he’d left. I’d spent a solid four days reading anything and everything I could about detoxing, withdrawal, and what recovery meant for someone like Dalton. After that, I’d focused on blogs and forums where addicts talked about their own battles to stay sober. I’d gotten so agitated after being online for nearly a week straight that I’d finally taken my aggression out on Dalton’s computer by throwing it on the floor and smashing the mouse and keyboard against the wall.

A split second after the unnecessary massacre, the front door had been kicked in and two men, both with guns drawn, had stormed inside to look for the threat against me. I’d lost my shit at that point and had screamed at the men to leave me the hell alone before storming into Dalton’s room and slamming the door.

After that, I’d tried to get back to some kind of normal even though there hadn’t really been such a thing from the moment I’d met Dalton. Without the internet to terrify me with horror stories about addicts who’d hit rock bottom and stayed there, I’d gone on a cleaning spree like no other. I’d scrubbed every single nook and cranny of the house, washed every piece of fabric that was capable of being washed, and when I’d finished that, I’d started it all over again.

During the first week of waiting for Dalton to come back, I’d managed to drag myself from the computer once or twice to venture outside just so I could catch my breath. I’d already known that there were several men watching the house so they could keep me safe, but feeling their eyes on me even though they kept their distance had been unnerving. It hadn’t taken long before my mind had begun playing tricks on me. Since I had no idea what kind of danger Dalton thought I was in, I couldn’t stop myself from thinking that the men with dark clothes and big guns surrounding the house weren’t trying to keep someone out, but someone in.

Dalton hadn’t asked me to stay before he’d left, and I hadn’t told him whether or not I would. When it had just been me and Dalton, I’d always felt like I could leave whenever I wanted, even if it meant a long hike through the woods to reach the nearest road.

I no longer felt that way.

Which had dropped me into an all-too-familiar world.

Ivan’s world.

I’d tried to deny those fears by sleeping in Dalton’s bed, wearing some of his shirts that still carried his smell, and watching all the DVDs that I assumed Dalton had watched at one point or another. Being strong for Dalton had been hard when he’d left but as each day passed, I started to lose my faith in him more and more.

It was a shameful thing to admit to even now, but I couldn’t deny it anymore. I knew if I tried to leave, one of the men would stop me. Even if I claimed I just wanted to go for a walk or sit on Dalton’s boat, I knew I’d have company. The crazy thing was that I didn’t know if I even wanted to go. I didn’t know if I wanted to stay, either.

Every once in a while, Jace would return to the house so he could give me updates directly, but after the second week, I’d asked him to leave me alone. I’d also stopped talking to Dalton on the phone because it hurt too much to hear his voice.

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