Page 34 of Supernova

I couldn’t blame him for his persistence, it’s not like I wasn’t sending him mixed signals. My mouth was saying one thing while my body and actions were saying the complete opposite. The truth was I did want him—so fucking bad. My hesitation was only due to how little time had passed since River and how it would look; how I would look. If I ever was ready, I would want it to be him. Urgh, I wanted it to be him so bad. I wanted it to be him now. I just hoped that he wouldn’t lose interest with how many times I rejected him. I wanted him to keep persevering with me. What girl wouldn’t want to be chased by a sword wielding, angelic looking man with perfect bone structure and soul crushing eyes?

My train of thought was cut short as Kitana and Billie sauntered up to me.

“Morning, hot stuff,” Kitana sang.

“Morning, sexy.” I took in her outfit for today: a high cut vest that was open half way down her chest and ribbed bike shorts with her battered up army boots; which were probably the oldest thing in her closet.

Contrastingly, Billie was in leggings and a black Nike sports bra with trainers, looking like the true athlete she was.

While Billie stretched her calves she scanned the room. She stilled before turning to me with a nervous look in her eye. “We have weapon training today but I heard combat training tomorrow is going to have alternating partners. You’re used to training with one of us now but you could be partnered with anyone. Watch out for Sienna okay, she’ll likely make a move since it’s the first time you might actually be put with her after your initiation fight.” She nodded towards Sienna who was surely enough death-staring me from across the room. “We know she doesn’t seem to be too fond of you.”

Kitana was on the floor in a butterfly position, stretching out her thighs when she chimed in, “Not to mention you and Griff are seeming extra cosy these days.” She winked at me before folding further. “Probably doesn’t help your case. Have you guys done the deed yet?”

“Kit!” I scolded.

She looked at me innocently, shrugging her shoulders. “What, I have a dirty mind and a dirty mouth.”

We all burst into laughter.

Griffin walked back up to us then. He stopped beside me, placing his elbow on my shoulder as he rested his body against mine. He smiled down at me and then looked at the others. “What’s so funny ladies?” He mumbled in his deep voice. The sound traversed through my body.

“Kit’s dirty mouth,” I replied.

“Ahh.” His eyes twinkled with amusement, like he knew exactly what that meant. He had known her the longest after all.

“Speaking of dirty mouths,” Billie declared. “Where’s Carter?”

“I believe he’s already gotten his morning workout in,” Griffin chuckled.

Kit was the first to respond. “Of course he has. He’s really showing me up these days.” Her features twisted into a scowl. She lifted herself off the floor, popping up with a bounce. “Let’s box.”

I partnered up with Billie, focusing on some technical sparring. She felt like there were some combos she wanted me to perfect. Kit and Griffin started with some skipping before jumping into the ring to let out the pent up frustration Kitana was clearly holding onto. Maybe she was reconsidering the whole ‘not being serious’ thing now that Carter was not as available. She went hard at Griff, not holding back; the loud pounding of her fists from that extra power now very apparent to me. He blocked her with little exertion. It was scary how unyielding and skilled he actually was, taking her hits as if they were nothing. And it wasn’t because Kitana was weak, not in the least. It was solely because of his sheer strength and dexterity. He had honed his body into the ultimate killing machine with a lifetime of training.

For the rest of training that day Billie, Kit and Griff helped me with my combat, using every opportunity to prepare me for tomorrow. Carter even joined us later on when his morning activities were done.

???

After dinner, Billie and I sat at one of the little coffee tables in the loft. There were a few people scattered at different tables and some people on the daybed, but everyone was doing their own thing, making the most of the downtime. We had each brought a book and thought it would be the perfect time to get some reading in while Kit was occupied. She couldn’t sit still long enough to read and we would become victims of her boredom until she got her way and we changed activities. Her and Carter had disappeared somewhere, which came as no surprise to us after this morning.

I attempted to read but my mind was elsewhere. I kept thinking about Griffin and his annoyingly tempting offer. But our relationship right now was precarious. And my past was complicated. We couldn’t do this. Right?

Billie kept eyeing me from behind her book, clearly able to tell I was restless.

“Everything okay, Vee?” She gently asked with a placating smile.

“I’m okay.” The sad sigh that followed indicated anything but.

I felt bad to lay my burdens on her. I was used to dealing with things on my own and trying to work them out tirelessly in my messed up head. Usually to no avail. Clearly I wasn’t great at the actual ‘working through’ them part.

“You can talk to me. I’m a great listener,” she prompted.

I sighed again but Billie seemed like the best person to talk to about all of this and I didn’t doubt that she truly wanted to help ease my burden. So I unloaded. “Griffin told me he wants to be my first when I’m ready to move on. He said he wants me.” She gave me a knowing smile and nodded, urging me to go on. “I want him too. I’m just struggling with my emotions. I’m mad at River beyond anything. When I think of him, the main emotion that stirs up is anger. Rage even. But somehow I still feel bad for feeling things when I’m around Griffin. I feel guilty that I’m even thinking about another guy.”

“That doesn’t surprise me. You know you’re allowed to move on, right? I know it hasn’t been long and you should take all the time you need but I’m just saying that you have every right to move on. So don’t beat yourself up about it. You also can’t help how you feel about someone.”

“Are you sure? I don’t know why but I just feel like it’s not okay.”

Her doe eyes looked at me full of sympathy as she put her tasselled bookmark in her book, closing it and settling it on the coffee table between us so she could give me her full attention. “If the situation was different, and you came here to train and you had a boyfriend back home who treated you well and made you happy, but you came here and developed feelings for Griff, we would be having an entirely different conversation right now.” She sipped her steaming tea before she continued, “I think you’re struggling because of the lack of closure. You haven’t been in contact with him since the night you … found him like that, so you haven’t had a clean break. I think it’s normal for you to feel like things ended weirdly, because let’s be real, it was an effed up situation. But he lied to you, he misled you and he hurt people. Killed someone. And yes, we hurt people too but not innocent people. Not poor humans who were in the wrong place at the wrong time. River is a monster. And things between you two are over.” What she said made complete sense. The closure wasn’t there.

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