Page 84 of Wanted

“I’m not.”

Muscles freeze, preventing me from covering myself. I can’t even fucking turn around as the compulsion to count holds me captive.

One.

Two.

Three.

Why isn’t she saying anything? Why isn’t she telling me how sorry she is? How much she fucking pities me.

Four.

Five.

Six.

Sev –

The room plunges back into darkness as Frankie switches off the light.

Warm, delicate fingers curl around my palm, solidly grounding me back in the present. They tug, urging me to turn around. In the dark, I might feel just brave enough.

In the light, I want to hide.

“Come back to bed,” she pleads. Her pull is stronger than my demons, and I find the strength to follow.

Still without putting a shirt on.

What’s the fucking point now?

Frankie gets onto my bed on her knees, tugging my hand. She lies down in the middle. I sit awkwardly, unsure what I’m supposed to do.

“I won’t look,” she whispers. “I can’t cheat because it’s dark, but I wouldn’t look if you didn’t want me to. Lie down.”

Exhaling loudly, I drop onto the bed beside her. At the last second, she intercepts my head and guides me to lay on her stomach. Her fingers slip into my hair, tenderly massaging my scalp.

My eyelids flutter in the dark as her rhythmic tugging relaxes me. The motion of her steady breaths reminds me of a boat on serene waters.

And for some reason, after seconds stretch into minutes marked by the crash of thunder and spark of lightning across the night sky, I begin to talk.

“I have undiagnosed OCD.”

The words feel brittle in my throat, cracking as I spit them into the darkness.

“I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but those long pauses aren’t for dramatic effect. I pause because I’m counting.”

Inhale. Exhale.

One. Two. Three.

“I pause…”

Four. Five.

I grit my teeth. “I pause in uncomfortable moments because I was whipped as a kid.”

Frankie’s breath hitches, her torso bouncing beneath my head. Yet her fingers never falter their comforting strokes.

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