Page 100 of Surrender

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. The people who want to be in your life will make an effort to be there. I don’t want to be loved with conditions.”

The sandwich bread sticks in my throat. “I don’t either.”

“What about you?” She sips her drink, eyeing me above the black cover. “What made you come to live with the Powells?”

A hundred excuses fly through my head. I scratch my forehead with my thumb and adjust my hat. “It’s not a nice story.”

“Oh. That’s okay. You don’t have to tell me.” She balls up her trash.

I wrap my fingers around her gloved hand. “I want to, if that’s okay,” I say quietly. I’ve never shared with anyone outside of my family, but suddenly I want her to know it all. “I just feel like it needs to come with a trigger warning.”

“Jack, no. I’m sorry for asking. I’ve heard Corjan’s story before and thought it was similar. I didn’t mean—”

“They used to beat me. Me and Jude.”

It’s as if my brain rushes to get it out now that there’s an opportunity. I want her to know this about me. I want to see if the dark parts of me will push her away.

She covers her mouth with gloved fingers before dropping them to squeeze mine, still resting on her arm. “I’m so sorry.”

“It was over the dumbest things. I remember we were small when it started. If we made a mistake, we were to lay across my father’s lap, and he’d give us one hit across the bare ass with his belt. Jesus, he was so scary when he started to undo the buckle.”

Her fingers cinch tighter around mine.

“Things ramped up when we were seven. I didn’t finish my dinner like I was asked because I didn’t like it, and I got caught sneaking into the kitchen for something else to eat later. My mother caught me and brought me to my father. When he started to undo the belt, I dropped my pants, but he told me to remove my shirt instead and stand in the middle of the bedroom. Then he beat me.”

I ignore the hitch in her breath and stare at our hands.

“It hurt so bad I couldn’t get out of bed the next day. I could just lay there on my stomach and pray for the pain to go away. They kept me out of school because they were afraid I’d tell somebody, but when I didn’t want to go on the third day, they brought in Jude and said if I didn’t get up, they’d beat him instead. And that’s when it started.”

“How bad did it get?” she whispers. I feel the touch of her bare finger against mine and realize she removed her glove. She laces them together, and I squeeze her back.

“It turned into their way of controlling us. They’d force me to watch them beat Jude. Sometimes he’d volunteer to stand in my place because I was so much smaller than him, and if I cried, they’d hit him more. It messed us both up for a long time. Jude still struggles with it.”

“I had no idea, Jack. I’m so sorry.” She looks at me with red lining her eyes. I give her an apologetic smile and cup her face.

“Don’t cry for me, pretty girl.”

Her bare fingertips dance along my jaw. “I can see you’re here, so I know you got out and you’re safe, but my heart hurts to think of you and Jude going through that. You were just children.”

“I’m okay.” I press a soft kiss to her cold lips.

“What happened to them?” she asks as I pull back.

I stare unfocused over her shoulder. “When I was a teen, I turned the tables. I beat the shit out of my father, and Jude and I ran. Nancy found us after we’d gone a week without food or shelter and took us in. I heard they both died of an overdose a year later.”

“It makes sense now why you’re so protective. Your control was taken from you while growing up. And the way you are with my kids makes a lot more sense too.”

“Figuring me all out now, are you?”

She quirks an eyebrow at me. “I think so.”

“I take it as a good thing you haven’t run for the hills?”

“It’s going to take a lot more than that to send me running. Nice try, though.” She pokes my chest with her index finger, and I wrap my fingers around it to tug her into my chest. Relief crawls through my veins.

“Good.”

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