I think he didn't hear me for a second, but when I turn my head to look at him, he's scowling at the TV. Shit, maybe I shouldn't have said anything. But no, this is what being in a relationship is about. I can't back down at the first sign of resistance.
"I understand why you might not want to talk about it, but Jason, my job as your girlfriend is to be your sounding board. Not just when you're happy about something, but when you're struggling too." I take a breath and pause; at his silence, I push on.
“I know you said you didn’t like anything he’s brought you in the past, but there are probably new options by now. Maybe you should hear him out?”
Jason briefly closes his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. Then he blows a breath out and turns to look at me finally.
“I’ve looked at everything he sends me. Nothing is speaking to me. And he just won’t leave me alone about it.” He takes my hand in both of his and begins playing with my fingers. “I honestly don’t know what to do.”
I let out a breath, incredibly relieved that we're finally talking about it.
I twist around so that I’m seated facing him directly, the movie can go fuck itself for all I care.
“Jason,” I wait for him to look at me again. “I want you to listen to everything I have to say and not interrupt. Do you think you can do that?”
He nods, his frown deepening.
Here goes nothing.
"I finished your short stories last night. They were wonderful." He opens his mouth, and I cut him off, "nope, you promised to let me finish." I wait for his mouth to close again before continuing.
"You weren't wrong that there were some structure and grammatical issues in some of your pieces from high school, but the storytelling and the stories themselves? I loved every minute of them. Now, I'm not saying you need to pursue your writing, but I want you to know that you are good; the praise you got from teachers was warranted. As for acting? Maybe you need a break. You've said it several times, nothing is speaking to you right now, and maybe that's a sign that you need to take a step back. I know, I know. You've been off since wrapping your last movie, but it's been with Steven looming in the background, pressuring you into picking your next project. Not to mention your parents asking you constantly too. I can't help but think that you'll find your footing again if you take an official break and have time to really think about what you want to do next without all these outside pressures. Babe, I want you to be happy, and sometimes it just doesn't feel like you are. I love you, and I'm here."
I can't look him in the eye; I'm so nervous that he's going to explode at me like the last time I tried to talk about this.
When he remains silent, I chance a look. He's back to staring at the TV, but his expression is more contemplative than angry or frustrated. Maybe I wasn't entirely off base here.
"I honestly don't know, Lex. What you're saying makes sense, but the thought of telling everyone that I'm taking a break from acting also scares me. I don't want to take a few months off and come back to find that no one wants to work with me anymore." He focuses back on me, and I can see the anxiety and indecision in his eyes. I wish I could make it easier for him. "But I'll think about it." I smile and pull him close for a chaste kiss.
“That’s all I can ask for. Now let’s get this movie marathon going.”
We both settle in and spend the hours leading up to my night shift in perfect companionship.
Chapter 32
Jason
With my days spent spinning my wheels while Alexis sleeps, I really took time to consider what she said. At first, I wanted to completely disregard what she was suggesting, but I forced myself to listen. It's scary to think about taking a break from your career after two decades, but I don't know what else to do at this point.
I'm tempted to call my parents and ask them if they've ever felt this way, but I can't seem to hit the call button. I crave their advice, but I'm also terrified of disappointing them. So, I'm paralyzed on that front.
Instead, I hang out with Slinky during the day, keeping us quiet so that Alexis isn't woken up. And at night, I sleep in her bed, wishing she was next to me. Slinky doesn't let me sleep alone, though, so it isn't too bad. It's funny, aside from when her parents were here, we've never stayed at my place. And it's not from a lack of not wanting to share it; I just don't care to. Alexis' apartment quickly became home for me, and now when I'm in my apartment, all I can think is that we should just move in together. I don't want us separated any more than necessary, and having two apartments leaves that open. Once she's off these shifts, I'll talk to her about it.
I hear the door open and close just as I'm serving breakfast.
“Do I smell bacon?”
"You sure do, Sweet Cheeks." I smile, feeling that familiar clench in my chest when she enters the kitchen. Doesn't matter how long it's been since I last had eyes on her; I always miss her when we're apart. "Take a seat; I'll bring you a plate."
She sits at the table, scooping up Slinky, who is delighted to be getting chin scratches. Alexis sighs when I set the plate full of bacon, scrambled eggs, and French toast. "This looks amazing. Come here, I need a kiss." You don't have to tell me twice.
I lean down and capture her lips with mine. I keep it quick, knowing she’s super hungry and that if I go any longer, we’ll be ignoring our food in favor of getting each other naked. Food first, sex later.
"How was your last overnight? Nothing crazy, I hope?"
She shrugs, mouth full of bacon and eggs. Even with a mouth full of food, she turns me on. Goddamn, she's cute.
"It wasn't too bad. We had a bad car accident come in, but luckily, we were able to get both patients stable." She takes another bite of food, then washes it down with orange juice. "Honestly, I'm just dreading these next couple of days of on-call. I hate when I have a short stint in overnight and then am on-call. My sleep schedule is always super off for a while afterward, and it seems like a dumb system. Maybe once I'm an attending, I can get them to change that."