Page 17 of Cat's Outta the Bag

I take out my plum lacy bralette and thong set, then a pair of jean cutoffs that show off my ass, and a flowy deep green tank that gives occasional peeks at the bralette underneath. Tomorrow is my hair wash day, so I throw my dark locks in a high pony. Twisting back and forth in front of my full-length mirror, I smile. Sexy yet casual—nailed it.

I’m stuffing my feet into my Converse that have seen better days when I hear his knock. A glance at the clock tells me it’s ten o’clock sharp.

When I open my door, I’m caught off guard by how attractive he is. His sandy blond hair has that perfect tousled look, his blue eyes are sparkling, and his makings of a beard are to die for. I can almost feel the scrape of his stubble against my thighs. Oh boy, Alexis, don’t go there just yet. I can see why he's often called the "Honorary Chris." If he stood next to them, he'd fit right in.

“Hi.”

“Hey.”

He holds up two bags and a carrier full of coffee.

"I brought us breakfast, some disguises, and coffee. I wasn't sure how you liked your coffee, so I got you three options." He smiles, stepping inside, and I'm hit by a whiff of his cologne. If I wasn't aroused before, I am now. I'm so distracted by my desire to drop everything and drag him to the bedroom; I almost don't hear him list off my coffee options. "I have here a latté, a caramel macchiato, and a mocha. Shit, I'm realizing I didn't specify the type of milk; you're not lactose intolerant or vegan, are you?"

I laugh, shaking my head. “Nope, and even if I were, I love dairy too much to give it up. I’ll take the latté first, and then I’ll probably drink the macchiato after. Coffee and me? We’re soulmates.” I’m taking the cup he offers me when it hits me. “Wait, did you say disguises?”

He wiggles his eyebrows, grinning mischievously as he hands me one bag. I peek inside and burst into giggles. This man.

Barely keeping it together, I pull out a hot pink wig and the ugliest fedora on planet earth. There are also two pairs of sunglasses that are almost comically big. When I look back at him, he has the biggest shit-eating grin I've ever seen.

"Let's have breakfast out on your balcony, and I'll give you my rundown for the day."

We get situated on my small patio set, various pastries strewn about and our coffees. Slinky is sitting at the sliding door, yowling in protest. But after the stunt she pulled last year while out here with me, she has been banned.

"Ok, so I found this county fair that is going on this weekend. It's about three hours away, but has tons of food and rides, and is in the middle of nowhere. I thought it would be fun to wear these disguises, just in case, and go have a day where no one knows us."

I can't help but laugh. He looks so confident that his plan will work. "So, what, I wear a pink wig, and you put on a fedora, then BAM, people won't see us?"

"Oh, they'll see us, but they'll be so distracted by your hair and my obvious fashion faux pas that they won't even look at our faces. I mean, everyone and their mother knows I wouldn't wear a fedora if my life depended on it. And the hot pink will be just bright enough to keep people from even seeing your face." He pauses for dramatic effect. "It's foolproof." He shrugs and shoves a giant bite of ham and cheese croissant in his mouth as if there were no further arguments to be had. I vaguely remember a Twitter, I mean X, battle exploding over Jason's offhand comment about his dislike of fedoras.

This is the silliest plan, but I'm so excited to see if it works. "Alright, I'm game. I'll just need a few extra minutes to braid my hair back, so this wig fits." He gives me a smug smile, and we finish our meals in companionable silence. Well, near silence. Slinky keeps yowling every few minutes, and LA is never that quiet.

Three and half hours, and a pit stop when my bladder can’t handle all the coffee I’ve chugged later, we are at the fair. And it’s enormous.

Once we get through the gates, Jason takes my hand and guides me to where all the rides have been set up. “So I’m thinking, we ride a few of these bad boys first, then once we’re sick of being thrown around at Mach 5 in rickety structures, we can eat until we get belly aches.”

"Sounds perfect, Hollywood." He looks down at me in surprise; aside from the one time he called me 'Doc,' we haven't really done the nickname thing. After a split second, he gives me the biggest smile I've ever seen on him. "You got it, Doc." I smile back. My heart feels so light.

***

We've ridden each ride twice before we decide we can't risk bodily harm again. We both have careers to continue. We're both laughing our asses off as we clamber out of the last coaster; at the final drop, Jason let out the loudest yelp I've ever heard. It was only surprising because he'd barely yelled on any of the rides; he'd spent most of them just grinning. As we approached the end, he leaned over and whispered, "I think I just peed a little on that last drop." I burst into giggles, which then caused him to start laughing and begging me to stop laughing because he was pretty sure he would pee himself. Luckily for him, we just made it to some restrooms in time.

I’ll never forget the day I almost witnessed one of the most sought-after Hollywood stars pee himself at a county fair.

Wearing a fedora.

I'm still off and on giggling when he comes out. "Listen here, Miss Giggles. You would not still be laughing if our roles were reversed here." He tips up my chin and busses me quickly on the lips before gently pinching my side.

"Hey, it's Dr. Giggles to you, sir, and considering I made us stop on the way here, I doubt I'll ever be in your shoes."

"You're right, Dr. Giggles; you are simply too mature to get caught with a full bladder. My mistake." He pulls me close and begins steering us toward the food. "Anything in particular you want to eat?"

"Hmmm, something fried."

"That's like 90 percent of the food here. Care to narrow it down?"

I tip my head back to look at him, smiling sweetly, "Nope." I squeal in delight when he suddenly scoops me up, throwing me over his shoulder, and spins me around. My wig and sunglasses fly off, but I don't care in the least because Jason is now tickling me mercilessly. "Jason!" I gasp between fits of laughter. "Jason, put me down! I'll pick a food, I'll pick! Have mercy." We're getting a few stares, but not the kind that means somebody recognizes either of us. Just people watching a deranged couple goof off in public.

He finally sets me down, a triumphant smile on his face. "Great to hear, Doc. What are we eating?"

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