Page 64 of Mister Mom

But when Layla opens the door with that robe on and a spatula in her hands with a confused expression on her face, I realize the truth—I’m too scared. This woman and her children have come to mean too much to me to risk it. I’ve sabotaged a lot of things in my life, but this, whatever this is between us, I refuse to ruin.

“Hey,” she says, the softest smile gracing her lips.

“Breakfast?” I ask, holding up the donuts.

“You didn’t.” She shakes her head and I bend down, kissing her to quiet her.

“I wanted to.” Then I slide past her and head toward the kitchen where I get the best thank you from both kids when they attach themselves onto my legs.

Who needs to be a rock star? These kids treat me like I’m Pablo from the Backyardigans—who up until a couple of weeks ago I would have had no idea existed.

* * *

“You’re fucking this entire thing up.” Jagger slams the magazine down on the table.

The magazine with a picture of me at Layla’s front door with donuts and coffee. We should be thankful they didn’t catch me leaving fifteen minutes before that.

“You should be glad they haven’t figured out who you are yet. I say yet, because they will.” He flips his tie back over his shoulder, dousing his pancakes with syrup. “Not to mention, when is this whole manny shit over? I need your undivided attention on getting this movie off the ground.”

Jagger glances over his shoulder to Payne, who’s playing the claw game again, just like he was the time he and Layla were here.

“Lower your voice. This is my last week.” I cut up Payne’s blueberry pancakes and ask the waitress to refill his chocolate milk.

“Aren’t you a regular Alice from The Brady Bunch.”

I roll my eyes because he’s probably never even watched one episode of that show, it’s so old.

“What about that one?” He nods to Via in the high chair.

She had a stomach bug yesterday so I told Layla I’d watch her today, too.

“Why don’t you stop acting like”—I cover Via’s ears and she squirms—“an asshole.”

“What are you, Vince Vaughn with the earmuffs thing? I shut up when you made this deal because I thought, man, he’s really going balls to the wall to get this script made. But now—” His manicured nail points to the magazine again. The title still puts bile in my throat.

Watch Out, Carver, There’s A New Daddy On Duty.

“You’re being called daddy and about to get down on bended knee, according to the press. Let’s remember”—he leans forward and lowers his voice—“you had her fired from what was her best opportunity to catapult her career after she was too old to be the star over at the network that shall not be named that starts with a D.” He shakes his head while he chews. “This whole thing is going to blow up in your face,” he says, pointing his fork in my direction.

I roll my eyes and push my hands down on the table so I can lean in, only inches away from him.

“I’m warning you now, stop making me feel guilty. I made a mistake.”

His hands fly up in the air. “You’ve fallen for her.” He points his fork my way again and this time Via reaches out to grab it, but Jagger moves it out of her reach. “I can’t even stop you anymore, you’ve been branded by her.”

“I have not been branded, but yes”—I check to make sure Payne is busy—“I have fallen for her. She’s amazing.”

“Cue glistening eyes and heart pupils.” Jagger buries his head into his meal, his fork scratching along the plate.

“Uncle Jagger is angry,” I say to Via, who is too busy making her eggs and ketchup into a masterpiece to care.

“Now you’re talking baby talk?” He shakes his head, sipping his coffee.

“What did I miss?” Leo slides in next to Jagger.

After shifting closer to the wall, Jagger takes another bite of his pancake before speaking. “Just that Vance is a pussy who can’t keep his dick in his pants.” Jagger’s voice is on that edge between annoyed and joking, but I’m pretty sure he’s venturing into more annoyed territory right now.

“Whoa.” Leo moves to cover Via’s ears. “Innocent ears, man.”

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