That stops the burn in my nose. “You’re not kicking me out?”
“Only if you plan on murdering me, or selling me to the mafia.”
It’s hard not to laugh at how serious she looks. “I promise I won’t.”
“Then I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere, okay?”
Chaya’s quick with her snack run and she brings back enough to feed a small army. A box of pastries from the campus cafe, bags of chips and candy from a vending machine. We stay on the floor, digging into all the junk as I try to fill her in. She has a ton of questions, but my answers aren’t enough for her to leave me. She doesn’t abandon me. We stay up all night talking about the guys and my family, and how fucked up it is to be who I am. And she’s there for it all.
How did I ever doubt her?
Threats, manipulation and favours are the way of the mafia. But Chaya? Chaya’s far from it. After I’ve spilled my guts, snack wrappers around us, I take a big long breath as Chaya’s old school R&B plays in the background. “I do not know where to go from here.”
“Is that why you were at the church?” Chaya pops a ketchup chip in her mouth. “You said Milo and Pastor Lucie are the twins’ cousins, right? Now, I’m still trying to digest that our town pastor is a badass mafiosa, but can’t they help you?”
“I tried. Their mom shut it down, threatened to kill me while Milo and Lucie watched.” I choke back a tear, trying to block out the catastrophe in my mind. “They’ll never forgive me for what happened.” I'll never forgive myself.
“Have you tried going to Lucie directly? If what you told me about the chess game of mafia families is true, it’s time you pulled some moves of your own.” Pushing off the ground, Chaya's finger comes to her chin. “It's likely she’ll hear you out on her own.”
“I appreciate the confidence, but I’m way too tired to even think about going back there.”
“Well, you can stay here as long as you want.” The sound of Chaya’s sheets comes from my side before she yawns, getting under them. Turning to the bedside table, the time on the clock reads three in the morning. But sleep is so distant it might as well be in space. “I’ve missed my roomie.” She smiles when she catches my eye, pulling her sheets to her chin. “We’re in this together.”
“Thank you, Chaya.” It’s nothing close to what I owe this girl, but it’s all I can muster.
I stay up all night playing out scenarios of what happened to Dom and Vlad. I still don’t know what happened to Feliks and the memories of him are so much louder back in this dorm. It’s like I can still hear the chords of his guitar, like I can still smell the pot coming off him. What I wouldn’t give for a pull right now. Rolling my tongue ring around my mouth is only another reminder of them. And while I can take it out, I don’t. It’s clear.
I miss him.
I miss them.
* * *
Camping out at Chaya’s is safe, but cramped. Not hearing anything from the boys in days makes it even more suffocating compared to the mansion.
They’re on my mind the entire time and when I see a broken string off Feliks’ guitar, I spend an entire day in bed, my mind filled with thoughts of them. Every day that passes is another day my hope grows grim.
If they were alive, if Lev was free, they would have made an appearance by now. My stomach twists when I realize what this all might mean.
They're gone.
Trying to distract myself when Chaya’s at class is hard. Too scared to leave her dorm, I end up cleaning the space, moving things around or hanging random things on the wall. Her jewellery, hats and posters. But it’s all a poor distraction.
My mind is on one thing.
Them.
“Uh, Mia?” Chaya walks into the dorm as I'm pushing our beds together.
“Hey, do you think sleeping next to each other will give us more space for… What’s wrong?” Her brown eyes stay locked on a box in her hand. A black box, a red ribbon tied around it. “Secret admirer?”
“Not exactly.” She pushes the box forward. “It’s for you.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
Chaya’s words echo through my head, my eyes narrowing at the box in her hand.
Was I followed? Stalked?