Page 88 of Pawn

So why does it feel like one?

The feeling I have in my gut, the one that tells me I’ve lost her forever feels worse than sitting at my dad’s funeral. Worse than watching my aunt get flung to her death.

It’s like I’m losing a part of me. Like I need to be on as much drugs as Isaac but if this turns around, if this ship starts sailing, I want to remember it. And if it doesn’t, I want to remember what it feels like when she closes the door on us for good. So I don’t repeat that mistake again. My heart can’t handle it.

My life can’t handle it.

“Leave the man alone,” Isaac slurs in a black suit, embroidered roses on the blazer with a bright floral tie. He sways when he walks across the foyer to put his hand on my shoulder, whiskey bottle in hand. “Can’t you see our King is in pain? If Jo doesn’t come tonight it’s like …” He makes the sound of a plane crashing and burning and if he doesn’t shut the fuck up I’m gonna reach for his bottle.

“You mean King’s going to be more of a downer?” Christian’s date asks.

Who the fuck …

Christian laughs, his arms by his side and Isaac joins him. When I glare at his date she’s quick to apologize. “I’m sorry.”

“She’s not wrong,” Christian says, taking a glass from Isobel when she walks into the foyer with a tray. “When’s the last time you hit the ice with us? Or threw a party or had fun? It’s like you don’t even exist anymore and if it wasn’t for Jo you wouldn’t even be going to prom.”

“Don’t sweat it, Jo’s crazy about you,” Isaac says. “Just stop being a fucking prick, will ya?” He’s one to talk, giving Christian’s date a wink.

Christian pulls her close as I grab a drink from the tray, gesturing to Isobel not to give Isaac one of his own.

“I have a plan,” I say, taking my drink to the door. And I’m too impatient to talk about it. “Let’s go.”

The entire ride to the school is a daze and I’m almost too fucking sober to bear it.

Am I stupid for doing this? Am I fool to think she’ll come around?

Isaac passes the bottle of whiskey to me after we pick up his date and I’m so tempted to take it. But I don’t want to give her a reason to say no. Don’t want to give her another reason to second-guess this. To second-guess us.

The situation plays out in my head over and over, the key she left behind in my pocket. I need her back in my life and I don’t know if I can rebuild a business with my name without her. I’ve been up for weeks thinking about her lips, her touch and that voice. That fight in her that’ll never get old, that look in her eye when we’re trapped together, in a space just for us.

“You coming in?” Christian leans into the limo and I take a second to come back to reality.

We’re already at the academy and I don’t even notice everyone climbing out.

“Let’s do this,” I say, taking a breath before climbing out of my seat. “It’s the last time I enter this hellhole.”

It takes a few minutes to get inside, students stopping to greet me since I’ve been gone for so long. Some didn’t expect to see me, like Tommy who looks scared shitless. But I’m only here for one thing.

The gym looks like an over-the-top wedding. Bouquets of flowers are all around us between sparkling lights. Canopies and balloons decorate the ceiling, white cloths on the tables and chairs. Everyone looks like they’re trying to be the best version of themselves and it makes me want to gag. Nothing in here is as authentic as she is. Standing in the foyer, I scope out the scene, ignoring the boom of my chest as I scan the crowd for her.

Jo.

Mine.

It would be like her not to come and there’s a chance she won’t but—

“Dude,” Isaac taps me on the shoulder, missing the third time. “Fuck.”

Glancing towards his fucked up gaze on the entrance, my breath damn near leaves me. He’s right. “Fuck.”

Jo looks like a fucking queen.

My queen.

And only she would look this fucking incredible with those dirty boots on. But that’s what makes her, well, her. And I wouldn’t trade it for the world. She catches my eye for a moment, a trance song matching my heartbeat in the background. There’s a pull in my stomach, a twitch in my pants.

“King!” Vicky’s here for Isaac but she still eyes me up like the hungry-for-attention girl she is. “Didn’t think to see you here since you’re such a big businessman and all.”

---