Page 86 of Pawn

Did a girl from school invite him? And if so who, because I’d like to have a word.

Wincing at my thoughts, I close my eyes, avoiding his sight. This is exactly the kinda fucked up thoughts that prove we can’t be together. I can’t be hurting people for him. I can’t be killing for him.

“Meet me in the library during prom. Just you.” With my eyes closed his voice sounds even deeper. So deep I can feel it in the depths of my stomach. “That’s my last request, Rowland. If you’re not there, I’m done. You said you loved me. Prove that.”

“Like how you proved you loved me when you sold me off to Carson?” Why is my nose tingling? Why are my lips trembling? “You don’t do that to someone you love.”

“Look at me, Jo.”

I don’t.

“Look at me!” His firm voice startles my eyes open, his galaxy gaze staring into mine. “You love me. I know you do because you don’t do what you almost did for someone you don’t love. And I’m so, fucking, sorry, Jo. That shit got outta hand and I’m fucked up but let me do the work. Let me love you.”

I’m frozen in thought when his lips come to mine before I fall for it again like a stupid basic bitch. Damien’s kiss relaxes me like nothing else can and the way my lips melt into his tells me I’ve missed this more than I admit.

I wonder if this is how people feel on crack or meth. Heroin. Fucked into bliss.

When he leans back, our lips parting, a cold wave takes over. “And you don’t kiss someone like that if you don’t still love them.” Taking a few steps away, he smirks, moving towards the door with a hand swooping through his hair. “See you at prom, Rowland.”

* * *

They say prom is one of the happiest nights of a teenager’s life. But I haven’t felt true happiness since I told Damien I couldn’t be with him.

“Take it from me.” Willow pokes another bobby pin in my hair, curls piled on top of my head, swooping down in a tall bunch. “You look amazing.”

I feel like shit.

Even in this beige and black skirt that accentuates my ass. Even with makeup done the way I want it — okay, how Willow wants it, thick eyeliner and dark red lips, I still feel like something is missing. But I’m not about to say it.

“Thanks, Low.” Grabbing her hand, I squeeze it. With her free hand, she gives me Mom’s rings, Dad’s watch.

“And you’re really gonna wear those?” Willow’s eyes drop to my feet.

While my mesh formal crop top shows off my midriff, this ankle-length skirt shoes off my Docs. She already knows the answer. So I just smile, reaching for the bottle of whiskey on Allie’s dresser.

If I’m getting through this night, whiskey will be by my side. “Allie has her date, and I have mine.” I kiss the bottle.

“I thought Allie and Lea are both your dates.” Willow fixes something in my hair while I stare at the bags under my eyes in the mirror. Even the concealer couldn’t hide how tired I am.

“Let’s be real, the only real date tonight is Jameson.” I’m on the whiskey and beer diet again. And no, it’s not because of Damien.

Not entirely.

It’s been helping to quiet the rage inside when I remember that Jordan Huang burned down my parents’ house and his family got away with it. Don’t get me started on Evergreen.

“You should be going with Damien,” she says.

I scoff. “I should be going to university.”

I’m not graduating.

Not this year anyway.

I bombed that calculus exam and I’m not exaggerating. I left the last few pages empty because I still had no fucking idea what was going on. That kiss with Damien in front of the library did zero help for my grades.

I want to blame him but he’s right, I always do.

“What’re you gonna do when this is all over?” Willow asks.

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