Page 40 of Twins to Tame Him

He barked a laugh out then and he thought it might be the little bit of sanity he’d hung on to all these years leaving his system, rendering him into the stark skeleton of the child he’d been born, with dreams and demons all occupying the same space within his head, able to see the world for what it was and for once, loving it the same anyway.

For all he’d blamed Konstantin as the reason, he’d been running away from life, directionless. Running away from the very spirit of the child he’d been, who’d loved endlessly and lived fearlessly.

“What would you have of me, agapi mou?” he said, finally beaten down and admitting defeat. All the battles he’d fought in his life, and he hadn’t even seen this one coming.

She reached him and clasped his unshaven cheeks and pulled him down to meet her mouth and it was heaven and hell and the purgatory he’d existed in for so long. It was unbearable pleasure with a twist of pain in its promise. Her mouth was soft, and so incredibly sweet and he was a dying man parched of breath itself. Small hands gripped his shoulders as if she meant to anchor him to her in any way possible. He felt drenched to his soul in the affection of her kiss, in the passion of her response, drowned in her unnamed expectations. But weak man that he was, he couldn’t push her away.

She touched her forehead to his, rubbed her nose against his like she did with their sons and smiled against his mouth. Her tears only reminded him of his unending thirst. “I want to marry you, Sebastian. I want to build a life with you. I want to share your art and celebrate your ups and downs. I want to have more children with you. I want to love you for the rest of our lives, and I want it more than anything I’ve ever wanted in this world. And I want it with you loving me, as only you can.”

“Then you might have to wait a long time, Dr. Jaafri,” he said, his heart breaking, even as it felt out of his reach. A paradox if he’d seen one and he had seen enough in his life.

“I have time. You should know, patience is one of my virtues, too. I have made all the calculations here—” she tapped her head “—and here—” then her chest “—and it all adds up. My life is here with you and our sons.”

“I could grant you a thousand wishes, a million and make them all true. Whatever you ask for. Except this. Don’t—”

“I know what I want, and I won’t settle for anything less,” she said, walking away from him.

At the door, she stilled and turned around. “Remember the academic paper I submitted?”

He nodded, feeling as if he were in a trance.

“It got accepted. I get to present it at a conference in a couple of weeks in London. I’m planning to go away and leave the boys here with you.”

“Zayn—”

“Zayn trusts you and loves you, Sebastian. He just needs the push to come to you and without me here acting as a security blanket, it will happen seamlessly. You trust me, don’t you?”

If he didn’t know her well, he’d have thought she was flexing her newfound confidence and the strength of her hold on him. But he did know her, and he was also aware that her love would haunt him for the rest of his life, reminding him of his fear. He nodded, refusing to give her the words, resentful of the understanding shining in her eyes.

“Paloma will be here just in case.”

“Why two weeks?” he asked, though a part of him felt relief that she was going away. That he didn’t have to face those amber eyes and the unfathomable trust in them, in the mornings, in the afternoons and during midnights when they checked on their sons. The coward in him wished she’d go away for longer, even, wished he could return to whom he had been before she’d walked into his life, blasting open every defense he’d put up against the world.

But there was also that part that hated the thought of her being out in the world without him. With colleagues and friends and some man who might see what an extraordinary woman she was. He felt torn in two and it was more painful than anything he’d ever experienced.

“I hung on to my father’s flat for too long, as a way of keeping him with me. I never stepped foot inside those walls again. But now, I want to sort through his research before Mama decides she will burn it all. I want to do something with it. I want to save it so that our sons can learn about their legacy on my side, too.”

“I can arrange for someone to—”

“No. I must do this. Say goodbye properly. Tell him I’m starting a new chapter in my life. And that he’s given me everything I needed to thrive, that he was right when he told me that I’m worth everything the world has to offer, just as I am.”

“I would have loved to meet him.”

She nodded, smiling. “He would have loved to meet you, too. And he would have liked you.”

Already he could feel her absence, the one person he’d ever allowed into this space.

“If I’m never ready to grant you your wish?” he whispered, feeling as if he was being attacked from all sides, swept away by a tide he couldn’t fight. “If we’re forever caught in this...limbo?”

“Never is a long time, Sebastian. As for the limbo, I guess we can both survive in a way, for our sons, remain stagnant and static, instead of choosing something more. But I can’t...” She swallowed, her eyes searching his. “...marry you unless you—”

“It doesn’t happen because you threaten or beg or demand it. Believe me, I have tried.”

“No but it won’t happen if you close yourself to it, either. And I want you to give us a chance, to crack open the door, to let me in. You’ve been hiding in shadows and secrets long enough.”

And then she was gone, and Sebastian wished the coming dawn would stop and leave him in darkness for a long time because after everything, it seemed Konstantin’s shadow had won and he had lost.

Because the thought of loving Laila, the thought of opening himself to her love, felt terrifying to his very soul.

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