Page 18 of Hearts Clash

A loud knock on the door broke the spell. Both women jumped away from each other as if burned. Seconds later, the door opened, and one of the nurses peeked in, her face bright and cheerful. When she saw Gianna, her expression turned surprised for a second, then friendly again.

“Sorry, Doctor Miller, do you have a minute to go through Mister Lee’s files with me real quick?” she inquired, her eyes darting back and forth between them curiously.

“Right. Yes. Of course,” Scarlett answered, gathering her composure. “Doctor Rodriguez, thank you for taking the time to meet with me. Uhm. See you around?”

“Yes. Sure. Thank you, too,” Gianna said, nodding a little too fervently.

With that, the brunette quickly left the office, waving awkwardly over her shoulder as she hurried back to wherever she was meant to be. Scarlett took a deep breath, her mind racing, and forced herself to smile at the young nurse. Right. They were at work. There was no time for this, whatever this was.

8

Gianna

Something shifted between Gianna and Scarlett in the week that followed. When they crossed each other in the hallway, rather than haughty glares and curt greetings, there was a brief pause where their eyes met. They’d acknowledge each other with a faint, polite smile or wave and keep walking. In the operating room, they worked together as well as they always had, but instead of the previous tense arguments about who was the better doctor that tended to follow, they complimented each other’s work. For the first time since Gianna transferred to Rose Bay Hospital, Scarlett spoke to her in a respectful manner, not acting like she was superior or lording her reputation and achievements over her.

At the same time, the application deadline for the opening vacancy was fast approaching, and Gianna still harbored a competitive desire to win that position. This evening after her shift, she sat at home furiously tapping on her laptop, writing and rewriting her cover letter and CV to maximize her odds of securing the opportunity. Cocoa, as usual, was being utterly unhelpful, having decided that his rightful throne tonight was on top of the keyboard, where she could barely see the screen behind him, no matter how many times she nudged him out of the way.

“This is bullshit, Cocoa,” she huffed indignantly to her pet, who half-opened one eye and lifted his head to bat at the cursor with a lazy yawn. “I am qualified, and I’m definitely the better fit. Everyone knows it, so why the hell am I so stressed? We have the same qualifications, and no offense to Doctor Hot Redhead, but when it comes to the presentations, we all know I’m gonna do better.”

The cat’s ears perked up as though he sensed the irritation in her voice and swatted at the cursor again. His tail swished, seemingly annoyed by his human’s decision to vocalize her anger in his direction while he was trying to take his evening nap. Gianna sighed deeply. She supposed she had to acknowledge that she was the source of her own anxiety, because rationally, she was confident in her chances and believed she deserved to get it.

An old fear of inadequacy bubbled up to the surface, though, as it often did, making her hyper-fixate on her qualifications and whether or not they really measured up to the competition. All her life, she had been proving people wrong—from the rich kids at the university who scoffed and dismissed her as a diversity admission, to the senior colleagues and department heads who underestimated and undervalued her. By now, she was established enough that the people around her respected her skills and valued her work, but the truth was that part of her still felt like an imposter. Like all these successes and honors were gifts bestowed upon her, undeserved and easily revoked.

“Yeah, okay, I need a break,” she said out loud to the cat, sighing, “and to not think about this. Working myself into a spiral won’t get me anywhere.”

With that, she once again gently lifted the unhappy tabby off her computer keyboard, earning her a grumpy chirp and a half-hearted scratch. Unbothered, Gianna stretched and rubbed her neck, then logged into WomenConnect, hoping for the enigmatic DrHeart to distract her for a bit.

DrHeart: Oh, hey, you’re back online!

EmergencyKisses: Woo! It took me two whole days, but I finally cracked and decided prioritizing my real life wasn’t worth it, haha.

DrHeart: So how are you today? :)

EmergencyKisses: Oh, you know, just going crazy, being super unproductive, doubting everything I’ve ever accomplished, etc.

EmergencyKisses: Typical Wednesday night.

Somehow, Gianna already felt a little lighter. Chatting with DrHeart always made her feel calm and less anxious about her insecurities. Her online friend made her feel safe and accepted unconditionally, never seeming to judge her. There was something about typing the words that made them seem less overwhelming, less paralyzing.

DrHeart: Sorry to hear that, babe. For what it’s worth, you’re a kick-ass surgeon and a genuinely kind human being. I think you deserve good things. So, it’s okay to feel that way, but remember that it’s not true, alright?

Gianna’s stomach fluttered. This woman was too wonderful for this world, perpetually ready with kind words to brighten her day. They hadn’t talked nearly as much as she would have liked recently, with her job and the promotion stress and a certain cheating ex-girlfriend taking up mental resources she didn’t deserve, but it always felt easy and comforting chatting with her. This exchange right here was exactly the thing she needed.

EmergencyKisses: Well, you don’t know that. For all you know, I could be lying to you about everything. Maybe I’m actually a sixty-year-old accountant with a wife and seven kids. Maybe I’m a serial killer. Maybe I’m both.

DrHeart: Haha! Fair enough. I’ve seen your photo, though. If you’re approaching retirement, damn, you aged like a fine wine.

EmergencyKisses: Lol! You have no proof that I am telling the truth, though. No idea who I really am. Spooooooky!

DrHeart: Well, time to come clean: I’ve been lying about who I am, too. I’m actually an alien sent to Earth to study human mating rituals. You’re the first person I told. Promise you won’t tell anyone?

Gianna laughed out loud, feeling a giddy, warm happiness filling her body, dispelling the storm clouds that had been raging in her mind. The woman behind that anonymous profile had that effect on her—just with a few sweet sentences, she was able to turn her mood around effortlessly.

EmergencyKisses: Wow, that’s such a crazy coincidence! Me too!

EmergencyKisses: But seriously, though, thanks for cheering me up. I really appreciate it. Sometimes it feels like nothing in my life is deserved, and it’s really easy for the anxieties and negative thoughts to snowball into a massive shitstorm, you know?

EmergencyKisses: Then I log on and talk to you and instantly feel better.

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