Page 38 of Hearts on Fire

“I'm sorry,” Naomi said again.

“How is she?”

“She's stable now. She’ll need tests to find out what caused the seizures in the first place. The rest of the people injured are being taken to the hospital. There's a lot of people- I need to get to the ER to help. I was thinking of taking a taxi to the hospital. Want to come?”

“Yes,” Scotti said, struggling to control the chaos within her. Naomi smiled. But when Scotti didn't return the smile, her lips turned.

“What's the matter?” Naomi asked. “Are you okay?”

“Naomi, I don't think we can do this anymore,” Scotti said.

Naomi froze on the spot. “Do what?”

Scotti swallowed, her courage dwindling too quickly.

Naomi put her hands on Scotti's shoulders. “Scotti, breathe. What are you saying?”

Scotti took a deep breath and spilled all the words all at once. “I want to be accepted for who I am, Naomi. I don't want to have to hide.”

“Hide? Hide what? We're not hiding.”

Naomi was panicking and Scotti was sorry to be the reason for it, but things like this had to be done and done early. Her mind was made up.

“You've said you love me, but you’ve never really committed to me in any meaningful way. My work is always likely to be an issue and I can’t just give it up. You've always been skeptical about it and I'm not sure how long I can keep up with it. I know you're sorry you freaked out, but I'm not sure how many times I can keep up with it. I needed you last night. I needed the woman I love to be there for me when I was hurt. I know you apologized, but I can't help but be scared. How much longer? All I've ever wanted is to be accepted, to be told that I am loved for who I am. I can't put myself out there again for someone who is just going to end up rejecting me.”

“But Scotti, I didn't reject you.”

“You didn't accept me either, Naomi. I can't bear to be in between. I'll go crazy.”

“Scotti, we agreed to take it step by step, remember?”

“We hoped to take it step by step. But the word was friends. I'm in love with you, Naomi, can't you see that?” Scotti's voice went up a notch. Naomi's hands dropped to her side.

Scotti's voice dropped a little too low. “Real love. Full on love. You are the one. You are the only one. I want it all with you. I want marriage with you. A family maybe with you. A happy ever after with you. I don't know if you feel the same for me. I can't bear to hear your answer even now.”

Scotti spilled her heart out and wanted Naomi to fill it with the promises she so desperately needed to hear.

But, Naomi didn’t.

“What does that mean for us then?” Naomi asked weakly.

Scotti sighed for what was probably the tenth time. It had taken her all night to ponder this idea, to muster any courage to go ahead with it, but now put on the spot, she seemed at a loss for words.

“We can't be just friends, can't you see, Naomi? It would ruin me to settle for friendship when we could be so much more if you weren't so wrapped up in what almost doesn't even matter.”

“You're telling me you want to leave my life, Scotti?” Naomi said, disbelief staining her face.

Scotti nodded. She felt tears forming in her eyes as her heart ripped apart.

“It's for my own good. And maybe later, it will turn out for your good too.”

Scotti was done talking. She turned around and walked briskly away from the place as if she were all too eager to be separated from Naomi.

It was the opposite actually. Scotti didn't know what she had expected Naomi to say but she knew she hadn't gotten it.

Somewhere within her as she had mustered courage to speak to Naomi was the hope that she would be wrong. Scotti hoped that Naomi would convince her otherwise or even declare her love forever for her.

But that didn’t happen, and Scotti didn't want to wait any longer. More time in limbo meant the vain painful hope she held onto would be extended.

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