Page 34 of Hearts on Fire

Naomi stared at Scotti.

She looked from her face to her hands. Scotti knew she did not look too good, even though she'd had two coffees this morning in a hope to pep herself up.

Naomi was quiet and watchful of her.

Scotti could only stare helplessly at her.

I love her so very much.

Naomi opened her mouth and shut it.

Scotti remained at her seat, silent and watching. Even she wasn't sure what she wanted to hear from Naomi—a worthy defense, an apology, or another scolding? Maybe a breakup? But that was only if they were ever dating in the first place.

“I'm sorry,” Naomi finally said after taking a long, deep breath. Scotti's gaze did not waver. She'd thought she'd get some level of closure from those words, but they didn't come.

She leaned back into her seat and said nothing. There was an empty seat in front of her desk. Naomi didn't sit and she didn't ask her to, either. The silence between them remained tense and thick with a hundred unspoken words.

Then Naomi spoke again. “I'm sorry that I didn't get a hold of myself when I saw you. Scotti, I didn't mean to be an asshole. I just... I lost it when it was you on that stretcher when I opened the door. You see, the news of an injured firefighter had gone ahead. One of the doctors said the fire has been bad and a firefighter had literally jumped in and out of the fire to save a victim. All I could do was pray long and hard that it wasn't you, Scotti.

But it was you. And deep inside I think I knew it would be. Because only you would dare something so risky when it comes to your firefighting. I was scared, Scotti. In my fear, I didn't think clearheadedly. All I could remember was everyone else I'd lost. I'm not sure I'd be able to bear it. I'd go crazy, and a therapist and all the antidepressants in the world wouldn’t be able to convince me that I'm not cursed if I lose another person to a dangerous job.

I'm scared because...”

Scotti thought she knew what the end of that sentence was. But Naomi had halted to catch her breath.

“I was scared, Scotti. I am scared.”

Scotti deflated. It wasn't what she expected. But how dare she expect that when the boundaries had been clearly drawn.

Scotti took a deep breath. She didn't know what to say. She was no longer angry; she could see that Naomi really was sorry. She understood Naomi's apology too and it was enough for that situation. But Scotti feared it wasn't a permanent solution.

Naomi's fear was beyond her. It wasn't a deliberate act that she'd reacted that way when she thought Scotti was hurt. However, Scotti couldn't help but wonder what would happen if one of the days she came in really hurt from the job. What would Naomi do? Throw another tantrum and apologize later?

Scotti sighed again.

None of those questions were what Naomi needed right now. The worry on her face was palpable. If Scotti didn't take it away soon, Naomi would break down from it.

“I know you didn't mean to act that way, Naomi,” Scotti said. “I thought of this overnight too. I know it's not possible that you'd ever really want to do that. It's the trauma, Naomi. We’ll sort that out together. We'll find a way.”

Without being asked, Naomi ran over and threw her arms around Scotti. It took Scotti a second, but she pulled Naomi in and inhaled a deep and grateful breath of her.

Naomi was her water in the desert.

“I'm sorry. I'm so sorry,” Naomi kept whispering as Scotti stroked her hair.

They would have kissed, if someone didn't knock on Scotti's door at that moment. They tore apart just as Scotti's captain stepped in.

He looked from Scotti to Naomi and back to Scotti, shook his head, and said nothing about what he thought.

“I'm glad you came in to work today,” he started to say, but alarm blared across the hallway suddenly.

“Emergency.” Both he and Scotti said at the same time. Scotti’s body started to react to go to the Fire Truck as she had so many times before, until she remembered she was just on admin today. The other firefighters would respond.

Whatever he had been going to say was immediately forgotten as he looked to his pager for the details of the emergency.

Scotti felt torn for a second. Everything in her wanted to go to get on the Fire Truck. Her injuries weren’t that bad. Could she ignore the decision made yesterday of her not being in rotation?

“Captain, I could come too?” Scotti asked, hopefully.

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