Page 44 of Hearts on Fire

She saw Scotti, in her opinion, too many times a week. But like an addiction, she was happy to have that many times to see Scotti no matter what it did to her healing process.

By midday, her phone beeped and she received Barb’s email. Therapy was set to start Wednesday, the same time and the same place. Naomi didn't stop to wonder if she was really ready to let go of this part of her that had been there for possibly longer than she was even aware of. She sent a reply to Barb assuring her that she would be there.

Barb was doing this to help her, she knew that. Barb hadn't been joking when she'd said she'd been in the office earlier than usual for Naomi's sake. Now Barb was going to be doing this for quite a while. Naomi told herself that it was for this reason that she'd show up for it.

It wasn't an entirely true reason but until she was mentally healthy enough to face the truth about herself again, she’d let herself use Barb as an excuse.

Naomi was seated in Barb’s office early wednesday morning. She watched as Barb made coffee before coming to sit.

“Surprised I didn't change my mind?” Naomi quipped.

“No. This isn't the part where you wonder if you've made the wrong choice.” Barb didn't give her a moment to think over the statement; she continued immediately, “Let's get busy.”

“Tell me how you met Sasha,” Barb began.

Naomi's eyes roamed the room briefly as she gathered her words. She took a deep breath and started before stopping abruptly. This wasn't something she'd ever talked about since Sasha died.

She'd told Scotti about Sasha, but she hadn't gone into the details of it. What Barb was asking her to do now was somewhat different. Barb wanted her to reach into the depth of her mind and reach into memories she'd shoved away from her chest so that she could breathe again.

She reached out and took the cup of coffee Barb had offered her. She let the warmth go through her palms and let her mind gather what she needed to say.

“When I bought my Ferrari, I didn't want to take it everywhere. For most of the time I had it in the beginning, it was parked at my house. One day, I found out about a street that no-one really knows or uses. I'm not sure why. It seemed a good place to give my car a ride. For some reason, I didn't think I could get hurt there or that the road was sealed off or something. But I rode there that evening and the next day and the day after.”

Naomi's gaze was fixed on the cup and nothing else; as though from there, she conjured tales of how she'd met Sasha. When she paused, she took a sip of coffee. She'd requested it black, without sugar. Naomi rarely took coffee except on days when it was too cold.

Today wasn't one of those days, but she thought she couldn't do without the beverage in her hands.

“One day, I got pulled over. I wasn't speeding and I was the only car on the road. In fact, I was surprised to see that there was a cop there at all. When I stopped, it was Sasha.

She's was the kind of woman that makes you lose your breath on first sight. She was tall and striking with these lovely brown eyes and clear brown skin. She looked like some kind of model. We used to joke that she made me lose my breath and I made her lose her words. She was going to ask me a number of questions, but she stuttered at her first word. She apparently already knew who I was and said Dr. Crane and I was surprised. She said she'd been at the hospital a number of times and everyone knew who I was. I’d never seen her before. I used to wish I had met her so much earlier. We could have had more time. Apparently, she was on a patrol that day and figured out that someone had reopened that road. It's a cul de sac kind of a road, a long drive to the end of a mountain.

I asked to get her number just in case I ever needed it. I... Do I really need to keep telling this story, Barb?”

“You can take a break if you want to.”

“We have less than five minutes left. I don't have time for a break,” Naomi snapped. She stared at her cup of coffee.

Naomi finally tore her gaze from the cup and fixed a dry look on Barb.

“What is talking about meeting Sasha going to do for me?”

“You forget too easily that I'm not any random therapist whose office you just walked into. We've known each other in some capacity for years, Naomi. We've worked on the same patients sometimes even. So, when I think that I know you, I'm basing nothing on assumptions and fallacies. I know you, Naomi. This is something you've always needed to talk about. Death only stole the emotions with which you wanted to convey your story about Sasha. This conversation is me telling you that you can have that back.”

“I think I'm done telling you about meeting Sasha,” Naomi said softly.

Barb let the topic lie where Naomi left it.

For the sake of both their jobs, each session was set to go on for thirty minutes. Naomi felt like this was the longest thirty minutes of her life and now she was suddenly a little too eager to go.

She stood and walked toward the door.

“Let's do this another day, Barb.”

Naomi left the room mentally exhausted and wondering how she was going to get through the rest of the day.

But two hours later, she was sent to work with the fire department.

Naomi hadn't sat by Scotti in quite a while, and she didn't dare it today. Inwardly, she dreaded the day Barb would require that she spoke about Scotti. Naomi wasn't sure how she'd survive that day. But for today, she remained at the back and let her many thoughts wash over her until it was time to get to work.

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