Page 32 of Hearts on Fire

Scotti met her gaze. There were tears in Naomi’s eyes and pain etched all over her face.

“I love you, too,” Scotti said, without hesitation.

Naomi gave a wry smile.

“You claim to love me, Scotti? You can't say that and throw your life away like that!”

“My job is part of my life too.”

“The first time I met you, Scotti, I thought you were extremely dumb to put yourself through what you did to save me. And then I realized- you had nobody close enough to you to care enough to advise you to stop all of this risk taking.” She took a deep breath and took Scotti’s bandaged hand gently. Scotti winced.

“The second time we met at the hospital, you fascinated me. But this part of you— the part that would literally throw yourself in the fire for anyone— it scares the shit out of me.”

“I love you, Scotti. I care about you. I’m asking you to stop.”

Scotti opened her mouth to talk but no words came out. She looked at Naomi blankly. She knew what Naomi was saying, and in her mind, it summed up to a decision between her and her job. There was no answer she could give to that. She couldn’t make that promise that Naomi wanted her to. She could only stare at Naomi.

Naomi wasn't going to keep staring at her though. She dropped Scotti’s hand, turned around and began to walk away.

She didn't look back.

Scotti felt her departure like a slice through her heart and it hurt so much worse than her injured hands.

Tears began flooding from her eyes.

Naomi was the love of her life and her most impossible love.

Loving Naomi was tearing her apart.

10

Scotti

It was fire she ran into to save lives, but Scotti felt like she herself was drowning and couldn't be saved. She felt like she was sinking and there was nothing she could do to fight the water from her lungs. Her heart felt so much more pain more than her hands did.

If Jeanette hadn't insisted on coming home with her, Scotti wasn't sure what she would have done. She was sorry for Jeanette, who, unfortunately, was available at the receiving end of Scotti's silent treatment.

When Jeanette asked Scotti what she wanted for dinner, Scotti had said nothing, only shaking her head at intervals as if to wave away the tormenting thoughts in her head.

Later, Scotti got up and poured herself a beer. Jeanette didn't know if that was a bad idea considering Scotti's wounds and meds. But it was all Scotti had done since they returned so she let her be.

Scotti sat alone in her room— the room that, only a few days ago, was occupied by Naomi too. Now, she couldn't tell what she felt about the fact that Naomi reacted the way she did.

No, Scotti realized. She could tell what she felt.

It was anger. It was anger so intense that it numbed her.

She couldn't believe it. She couldn't believe that Naomi was more or less asking her to choose between her and her passion!

She'd wanted to be a firefighter all her life. She'd made it through a tough selection process at a time where there weren’t that many female firefighters. She had had to be consistently so much better than the men only to be seen as equal.

She had worked so hard. She understood fire. She respected it. She understood buildings and how they burned. She understood people and how they behaved when trapped. She had awards for bravery. Scotti knew she was exceptional in her field. She was one of the best and she saved people. When things went really bad, Scotti found a way to save people.

And Naomi was asking her to give it up? How could she?! She was being put between a rock and a hard place. She was being asked to choose between two expressions of her love. This wasn't something she was ever going to be ready or able to give an answer to.

Scotti kicked at a chair in anger.

Did Naomi think Scotti liked dancing the tango with death nearly every day? Did Naomi think Scotti didn't realize what she meant to her?

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