Page 87 of Dash

Nothing. I try to say something, but nothing comes out. I try to push his hands off me, but he doesn’t let go.

“Help her,” Jackie cries out.

I reach up and grab my throat, trying to get air, but there’s nothing there. Just this pain. The suffocating pain that Dash is gone. That in less than an hour, he will be in the ground. Gone forever. This can’t be how our love story ends. The one that we fought so hard to keep.

“Tabatha?” Jake yells as he shoves a bottle of water in my face. I try to push it away, but he grabs my arms with one hand and pushes the water to my lips with the other. He tilts it and water runs down the back of my throat. It chokes me, and I cough it up. I suck in air as I continue to cough, water spilling down my chin and onto my black dress. I bend over, and he roughly rubs my back. Tears sting my eyes and my throat burns. Dash would be so ashamed if he could see me now. How pathetic I am. How much I truly relied on him.

“It’s okay.” He wraps his arms around me and pulls me into his side. “You’re gonna be okay. I promise,” Jake whispers as I continue to take deep breaths. I should push him away. I shouldn’t allow myself to lean on a man considering he’s not the love of my life, but at the moment, I need this support.

“He left me,” I cry. “How could he leave me?” I understand how the world works. You’re born. You live your entire life chasing dreams that most don’t achieve. Except love. People find love every day and they waste it. They tarnish it by cheating or lying. Or just because they’re scared. I do believe that Dash was my soul mate—the one person in this world for me. Now I have to face this world alone with a broken heart.

“I’m here for you,” he whispers.

By the time we pull up to the cemetery, I have my breathing under control. My hands shake and my knees wobble, but with the help of Jake, I get out of the limo and make my way to where all the chairs line up in rows. There are hundreds of people already here. Bikes line the entrances, some crotch rockets and some Harleys, decorating the cemetery of men and women to pay their respects for a man who loved to ride. Most, I’m sure, are people who Dash didn’t even know, but many wear his name across the front of their shirts with his number eighty-eight written across the back. His death has been on the headlines for the last five days now, and I see no end in sight. Everyone here wants to come and pay their respects for the kid who was going places. The man who had big dreams as a little boy and who had almost accomplished them. It wasn’t any secret the type of man he was. Reckless. He liked everyone, and everyone liked him. He was good hearted and truly a carefree spirit.

I come to a stop while I look around. The cemetery is as beautiful as one can be. Beautiful green grass and rolling hills. It has to cover fifteen acres. At least. His parents are laying him to rest next to his father’s parents. I’m glad that he is once again close to the people who raised him, but it also hurts me. Even when I pass, which can’t be soon enough, I won’t ever be near him. Ever again!

“What’s wrong?” Jake leans down and whispers in my ear as he holds onto my arm.

Looking at the people who stare at me with pity in their eyes is a feeling of sadness on its own. It’s been part of the headlines. Erik Dashling passes before getting the chance to propose to girlfriend. They’ve had pictures of us at the race he won. The look of love in our eyes. The intimate kiss that they now plaster all over the world is earth shattering. I have come to fucking hate social media. Some bastard at the hospital spilled the beans about finding the ring on him. For what? A little cash.

I feel so lost. “I…I need to leave.” I choke on the words as I try to avoid the dark wooden casket that sits ahead of me. I feel like I’m going to suffocate again like I did in the limo, knowing he’s in there. I pull on my dress that is still damp in spots from the water I coughed up. Jake grabs my hands, pulling them away before I rip this dress off my body.

He positions his body in front of mine and looks down at me. “Take a deep breath,” he orders, and I do as he says as I look deeply into his soft blue eyes. “Good. Another one.” I do it again, and I feel my shoulders relax a little.

Blake and Jackie walk past us and to the front row. I lower my head as we follow them. I keep my eyes on my hands as we sit in softly covered chairs. I’m thankful for the hat that keeps people from seeing my tear-streaked face.

A hand reaches over and grips mine. I look up quickly when I see it’s my mother’s hand. She doesn’t even try to give me a smile as the tears run down her face. My father sits next to her, and I’ve never seen him cry, until now. He looked at Dash as a son, and in a way, that’s exactly what he was going to be. His son-in-law.

I look next to my father and see Dash’s parents sitting there. Tears run down their faces as well, and I want to scream at them to stop pretending like they care that their son died. They killed him. Don’t they understand that? How can they cry for something that they did?

I look down at my hand when my mother runs her finger over my engagement ring that he had purchased for me, and it comes crashing into me like a wave in a shore. I’ve been blaming his mother and father when the real person to blame is myself. That was why he left the house. To buy me that ring. “It’s my fault.” The broken words fall from my lips as the sob wracks my body.

“Oh no, honey,” my mother says softly as she wraps her arms around me. “It’s not your fault. None of this is your fault.” She places her head on mine, and she kisses me as we cry together.

CHAPTER FOURTY-THREE

TABATHA

I remember every word spoken during the ceremony. As much as I tried to avoid what was being said, I couldn’t. I remember every sniffle, every sob, and every tear that fell from my eyes. The ceremony ended minutes ago and people have started to leave, but I stay seated as my eyes remain fixed on his casket. It’s beautiful and hideous all at once.

It’s black. All black. With chrome accents that cover the corners. I don’t know why I’m still sitting here. I don’t want to watch them put him in the ground. I don’t want to say good-bye anymore. I want to say hello. I want to go back to the first time I saw him, and I never wanna let him go. I would do things so differently. I want to say that I choose him forever, but I don’t get that option. Not anymore.

I look down at my purse sitting on my lap and start to dig through it. I had one thing that I wanted to do before I left here, and I’m going to do it.

I find what I’m looking for and pull it out. Jake takes my purse from me without me even asking and I stand. On shaky legs and a heavy heart, I walk over to the casket. It’s open. It’s been open for the past few minutes for people to say their good-byes. But I just couldn’t find the will to do it until now.

He looks so different. So pale. So not Dash. His mother dressed him in a suit and I just want to rip it off him. He hated wearing suits. He preferred t-shirts and jeans. She knew nothing about her son.

I lift the small piece of paper to my lips and kiss it, leaving what little lip-gloss I had on the card that he had given me with the flowers. I then place it in his casket as I whisper, “I said yes.” And then with a broken heart, I turn around and start to walk away, but a little boy stands in front of me. Tears run down his face as he looks up at me with bloodshot eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers brokenly.

I don’t know what to say to him. Thankfully, Jake comes to stand beside me. “Thank you,” he replies to the little boy and it sounds stupid.

“You’re the one, the one that is in the photos with him that I see on TV?” he asks me and I nod as I wipe the tears from me face.

“I want you to have this.” He turns around to the woman standing behind him and she hands him something when he turs back around to face me I almost fall over.

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