Page 86 of Dash

TABATHA

I sit in our bedroom on the floor with my back against my wall as I look at the bed that we shared. All the memories we made in such short little time. It’s crazy how you have only been with someone for a short time, and it feels like you’ve known them all your life.

I sleep on his side of the bed because his smell still lingers. I find myself walking into the bathroom and spraying his cologne, and I swear I can feel him wrap his arms around me. I can hear his voice telling me that I’m gonna be okay. But it’s not and I won’t.

As I sit here on the floor with my knees pulled up to my chest, I think about the day I have ahead of me. And I refuse to face it. I refuse to go through the motions when all I feel is an ache as if someone has stabbed me in the heart and I’m slowly bleeding out.

I look over to the far wall and see that the TV is on. I have to place my hand over my mouth to quiet my sob when I see Dash on the screen. He’s sitting next to me on a brown leather couch as he smiles at the cameras. It’s our interview my dad made us give. They’ve had it on every local channel since the news of his death broke.

“How did you two meet?” the pretty blonde asks as she sits across from us.

“At a party,” Dash says with a little laugh. He turns to look at me and reaches down to grab my hand. I smile brightly at him as he soothes my nerves. “Who knew I would have so much to celebrate.”

“I assume you’re referring to your racing contract?” she questions.

“No.” He frowns looking back at her. “Falling in love.”

I hang my head as a sob wracks my body. He left me! What about me? I fall over to my side, and I open my eyes. There in front of me in a blurry haze is the little black box. With shake hands, I reach out and grab it. I still haven’t opened it. I keep hoping that I will wake up and Dash will be on bended knee. I keep hoping I will see his big smile again with the open box in his hand. But it’s never gonna come.

With shaky hands and tear-filled eyes, I open the box and sob as I see the beautiful oval diamond. I close my eyes as I sit up. I cry out into the room as I think of him buying this. How much thought he must have put into it. How excited he must have been,

I open my eyes and look down at it. I slide it on my finger and whisper, “I do.” Tears run down my face like a river and my chest aches. I stare down at the ring and cry uncontrollably.

The doorbell rings, but I ignore it. I don’t want visitors. Everyone finally left on the second day, but they just won’t stay away.

“Tabatha!” I hear Blake’s voice yell.

I close my eyes, and my head falls back down to my knees. “Please go away,” I say softly.

It rings again. “Tabatha! If you don’t open this door, then I will break it down.” His voice is so loud; I can hear it as if he was standing in front of me and not downstairs.

Then I hear Jake’s voice growl. “Don’t give her a choice.”

I shake my head as if he can see me. No one cares about what I want. No one cared I wanted to give Dash a chance to pull through. That I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.

I hear some commotion and then I hear the breaking of wood. The pounding of the door coming off the hinges. “Blake…” I hear Jackie cry out to him, and I hold in the sob of what’s about to come. For what he is about to make me face. My biggest fear.

My bedroom door swings open also hitting the wall, and I tighten my arms around my knees as I keep my head buried into my knees. “Get up,” Blake commands.

I look up at him; the tears falls so fast that it makes him nothing but a blurry blob. But I can see two figures standing over by my door. Jake and Jackie, for sure. “You can’t make me.”

He grabs my hand and jerks me to a stand. “You will not do this,” he yells.

“Blake…” Jake growls as he walks toward us.

“Shut up, Jake,” Blake snaps. Something has happened to him since Dash left us. His death has changed all of us. And we’re all falling apart in our own way.

“I can’t go.” I wrap my arms around myself. “Please,” I beg of him. “Don’t make me.” I continue to beg everyone for something, but none of them listens. No one but Jake.

His eyes narrow on me. “You think this is easy on me? On any of us?” he questions. He places his hands on my shoulders, and his eyes soften. “I know you loved him. But you knew him for months. I’ve known in my entire life. I lost a brother and a best friend.” His anger breaks and his voice cracks. “I love him just as much as you do.” He sniffs. “And the time has come for you to show your respect.”

I hang my head, and he pulls me in for a hug. “Good-bye is never easy,” he whispers, and I sob into his shirt knowing that he is right. “But Dash deserves a proper good-bye.” I hate how right he is. Dash deserves to have the woman that he loved at his funeral. It’s time for me to say my final good-bye.

***

We all four sit in silence as the limo drives us to the cemetery. My black hat is so big that it covers most of my makeup-less face. Tears silently roll down my face, and I keep my head down. Jake sits next to me, and Blake lays with his head in Jackie’s slap. I try not to stare, but it’s so hard. He looks like I feel. Lost. Betrayed. How could Dash leave us? How could he not fight for us? He loved us, yet he gave up so easily. I don’t know why, but I have this feeling that this isn’t how it was supposed to end. I know people die. But not Dash. He was so young and had such a promising future. He had dreams that he still needed to fulfill. I had dreams for him that involved us. A family. I look down at the ring on my finger and that stabbing sensation in my chest returns. It takes my breath away. I place my hand on my chest and try to breathe, but there’s nothing there. I start to pull on my black dress. “I…can’t…” I try to speak, but my throat burns. My chest tightens, and I close my eyes tightly.

“Tabatha?” Jake’s voice demands as he shakes me.

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