Page 59 of Dash

“No, I’m just stupid.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

“Mom…” I throw my hands out to my side. “Rodger was an awful person, and I didn’t even see it until it was too late.”

“I hate that he hurt you.” She reaches up and wipes a single tear from her cheek. “But you fought to get away. You know what you deserve and you’re not gonna settle for less. This Erik boy… maybe he is the one.”

“How is Dash any better than Rodger?” I question. “He has lied to me, Mom. More than once. I can’t trust him.”

“Maybe he can’t trust himself,” she offers.

“What does that even mean?” I ask placing my elbow on the table and dropping my head into my hand. I’m starting to get a headache, and I’m exhausted.

I hear the legs of her chair scoot across the tile floor and her heels clink as she walks into the kitchen. I still have my head down and stare at the table when she returns to my side. She places a pill bottle in front of me and runs her hand over the back of my hair. “It means that maybe he doesn’t trust the person you make him want to be. People experience love in different ways, baby. Rodger changed you,” she declares, and I look up to her as she stands beside me, “in a way where you lost yourself. I can see it now. I didn’t before.” She frowns. “And that’s my fault. I wasn’t looking close enough. And I apologize.” She never saw it because he kept me from them. And I allowed that. It’s my fault, not hers. “Maybe Erik doesn’t understand what you make him feel.” She leans down and kisses my hair. “Give love a chance. It doesn’t matter if your heart breaks a hundred times. You’ll eventually open your heart to that one person who makes all that pain go away. It’ll be that one love that’s worth it.” She takes the coffee cup that is filled with wine from me and pushes the pill bottle closer to me. “Take this antibiotic and pain pill. It helps more than wine.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

DASH

We pull up to my parents’ house, and I growl. Cars are parked everywhere. I forgot that I had left the afternoon after my party to go to the police station. Of course, these drunk asses are still here passed out. “Fuck,” I hiss as I get out of Jake’s truck. He insisted on driving us, and I wasn’t gonna argue with him ‘cause I sure as hell couldn’t drive. He might have drunk the most out of the three of us, but he looked the most sober.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, getting out of his truck.

“I forgot all these people were here.” I sigh. Some have already left but there are still cars here, informing me that some are still passed out from last night. “I’m in no mood to fuck with them at the moment.”

“I’ll take care of them,” he says simply.

“Thanks,” I say, walking up the stairs. I frown at the two people passed out on the front porch swing.

The moment we walk into the house, Jake starts yelling that the party is over and for everyone to get the fuck out. I ignore the grunts and moans from the drunks and make my way to the kitchen. I open the fridge and grab a bottle of water. I have almost half of it down when Blake and Jake walk into the kitchen. They both stand there staring at me.

“What?” I demand.

“You quit,” Blake says, and I roll my eyes.

“It was my only option.” And I really don’t feel that bad about the decision I made, even if I didn’t really think it through.

“You finally got your dream, and you quit because of a girl?” Jake questions.

I point a finger at him. “Shut the fuck up, Jake. I’m not in the mood to listen to your opinion. You have no idea what has been going on here.”

He shrugs carelessly. “It’s not hard to see. You fell in love with a girl. And then you fucked it up.”

“I made a mistake,” I yell, slamming my water down. “I allowed my dream to fuck up something bigger.” I hang my head, and I take a few deep breaths. “I thought I could handle them both,” I say truthfully. “I thought that I could race for Knight Racing and still be with Tabatha.” I look back up at them. “And look where it got us. You think I care that I quit the team? The racing isn’t what is important anymore. She is. I would have given it up at any time for her, and now I’ve lost her completely.” I shake my head. “And that motherfucker, Rodger, hurt her.” I squeeze the water bottle to the point where what’s left comes pouring out of the top and onto the counter. “I was too busy being fucking pissed at her for not feeling the same when he attacked her. He’s fucking never gonna leave her alone.” I truly believe that. He has proven to me more than once that he’s never going to go away. He wants her, and he’s going to do everything he can to take care of her. He just strikes me as that guy who thinks if I can’t have her, no one can. Sick twisted fuck!

The way her bruised and stitched face looked. She looked so broken—so not herself. And that’s what made me so mad. That was why I yelled at her in front of everyone. I should have taken her in my arms and held her. I should have apologized and told her that I was there for her. Instead, I did more harm than good.

I grab my keys off the countertop and start to walk away. “Where you going now?” Blake asks.

“To take care of business,” I throw over my shoulder.

***

The first time I ever found myself in jail, I was fourteen. Blake and I had decided we wanted to go for a joyride in my father’s favorite car. Blake was over one day, and my parents were gone, like always. So we grabbed the keys and took it out. I knew how to drive, or so I thought. Try controlling a fast as shit car when you go around a corner. I ended up flipping the car; thankfully, we were both wearing seat belts. So when it finished rolling, we both crawled out with minor injuries. Then we ran as it started to burn to the ground. The cops came to our house and arrested us and called Blake’s parents.

I laugh out loud as I remember that day. It seems like so long ago. So much for not wanting to get arrested today.

“Why are you laughing?” Jake asks as he sits on the bench next to me.

---