Page 64 of Keep You Close

“Yeah.”

“Wow,” he said, shaking his head. “Think I might be telling Helen to set a permanent extra seat—or two—at her table,” he said.

“Starting to seem like it,” I agreed.

And, for maybe the first time in my life, the idea of staying put didn’t fill me with panic.

In fact, some part of me was starting to look at it like an entirely new kind of adventure…

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

AJ

There was a definite shift since I finally told him my story. And, to a lesser extent, since he told me his.

I don’t really think I realized how heavy the weight of keeping my past a secret was weighing on me until I told someone about it.

I mean, sure, I didn’t tell him everything. Years of grooming and abuse couldn’t be covered all in one conversation. But he knew enough to understand.

And, God, it felt good to be understood.

I’d kind of… hinted at an abusive ex when talking to Ella about her own ex, wanting her not to feel so alone, and feeling like she could unload on me and would be met with an understanding ear.

But I’d never outright told someone about Joss.

All the ugly details.

I think some part of me had been worried that if I told someone, they might look at me differently. For staying. For enduring. For not calling the police, pressing charges, getting myself out of that mess sooner.

Hell, there were times early on when I was thinking those things about myself. Before I even heard the term ‘grooming,’ let alone understood it. Before the concepts of ‘love bombing’ and ‘gaslighting’ meant anything to me.

I’d been trying to understand, little by little over time, what had happened, why I had stayed, and what was driving Joss to continue to follow me around.

I knew that, eventually, I would benefit from some actual therapy. But until the day when I wasn’t afraid of Joss being able to access my records came, I didn’t feel safe going to see anyone.

I’d just been doing research on my own, going to forums for other abuse survivors, reading their stories, hearing what their therapists said that really helped them see the situation in a new light.

It all helped.

I knew there were times when I still cowered when faced with someone’s possible disappointment and apologized for things that weren’t my fault. Or even how I sought approval or validation because I’d been so starved of them.

But I’d come a long way.

Now, I hoped, with sharing my story, with not having to keep it like a dirty secret anymore, it would help me even more.

It wasn’t that I wanted to talk about it constantly or anything like that. But if it came up. Or if I wanted to explain why I’d reacted a certain way. It was an option now with Atlas.

As for his backstory, well, that was pure insanity.

I mean, I did know from being around for as long as I had, that Navesink Bank was this unusual town full of interesting criminal organizations.

The Mallicks’, of course. Loan sharks and enforcers. Essentially, kneecap-breakers.

Then Ella had mentioned once having a crush on a guy in school who belonged to the local MC. A club full of arms-dealing bikers.

I’d even heard rumors about the mafia in the area.

So, really, it wasn’t so hard to believe that there was a family of former armed robbers in the town as well. Or that Atlas was one of them.

---