Page 71 of Without You, Scotch and Sammy 2

“This is my choice, Brat.”

“She’s not a puppy, Scotch! You’re just gonna sign on as her dad, then walk away? What about when she goes to school? Who’s gonna pay tuition? You said she’s an unwell baby. What if she needs surgery or hospitalization? As her legal father, you’re obligated to help fund that. Sammy can ask you for child support for a kid you don’t even know. Why are you trusting her like this? You’re already married – which, by the way, you should have fixed last decade, dumbass. But now you’re gonna add a kid to the mix? She’s already got you legally trapped with the marriage, now you’re just gonna give her your balls too?”

“She’s not like that--”

“She’s not like that?” Britt snatches the newspaper and hits me again. “Are. You. Stupid? She is like that! That’s exactly who she is.”

I snatch the paper from her hands and smack her in the arm. She’s big enough and loud enough for a taste of her own medicine. “Sammy isn’t here for money, Brittany. God knows, she has access to as much as she damn well wants. She doesn’t need me for money, which was evidenced when she left me thirteen years ago and went with the money. And if she wants child support for a kid I already love, then fine, she can have it. I’m a single man living above a garage. I don’t need money.”

“You’d pay child support for the next eighteen years for a kid that isn’t yours? Hell, the kid isn’t hers, either! You’re willingly opening yourself up to a lifetime of more shit, when you can literally just tell her no.”

“Marc and Kari weren’t ours! Mom and Dad set themselves up for a lifetime of school tuition and medical expenses for a couple kids that weren’t theirs.”

“That’s different,” she snarls. “They were just kids, and their parents were stolen from them.”

“And Lily is just a baby, and her parents are gone too. She doesn’t even have a Marc looking out for her. How’s that fair?”

“Don’t try and make me feel bad for a baby I don’t know! I’m not saying she has to live in a dumpster. I’m just saying she’s not your problem, and you allowing Sammy to manipulate you is only going to turn to shit. Are you literally that suicidal? Because you haven’t exactly been living this whole time she’s been gone. Did you get that closure you were hoping for? If she leaves tomorrow, will you actually go on to live a healthy life? No! And now you’re gonna add a kid that I know you’ll spend the rest of your life supporting and feeling bad because you and her mom aren’t together anymore.”

“So fucking what, Brat? No, I haven’t been living, but having those girls in my apartment this week suddenly has me breathing easier again. Even when I’m pissed at her, she helps me breathe. Wouldn’t you hold onto that? If Jack fucks up, are you just gonna walk away and live your life?”

“That’s different! Jack didn’t leave me thirteen years ago. Jack didn’t leave town without a word and traumatize me for the rest of my life. Jack didn’t do something huge that I specifically asked him not to do.”

“And yet, you love him enough that if he did, you’d make excuses for him.”

“Scotch…” Her eyes turn from anger to sadness. “She’s not it for you. You just didn’t try and move on in the time apart. If you just tried, you’d see that there are other people out there who could help you breathe.”

My heart knocks painfully around in my chest. Brittany is loud and abrasive, but she’s only looking out for me. She’s not trying to hurt me, she just wants me to be happy.

She walks into my arms as soon as she sees the defeat in my eyes.

“Why’d she have to do that, Brat? Why’d she do what she did?”

Britt lays her face against my chest and softly rubs my back. “I don’t know. But I’m really sorry she hurt you.”

– Sammy –

Interview One

Monday morning arrives with an awkward intensity permeating the air.

What happened between Sam and I last week was a strange anomaly, and though I don’t regret what happened, I feel like maybe he does. He’s been out of the apartment every night since – and of course I know it’s because he’s working – but when he is here, it’s basically pure silence except for when he chats with Lily.

Sam snuck into my room around four a.m. the morning after our afternoon together. Silently pulling me out of my bed and into his, he slowly undressed me and slid into me far gentler than he had the day before. We didn’t speak. He didn’t sing. He didn’t even ask me to keep my eyes on him. He simply kissed my throat and gently made love to me.

He did the same thing the next morning, then yesterday morning, and then again a few hours ago. But once the sun comes up each day, we go back to silent roommates as an awkward intensity threatens to suffocate us.

Tying my hair into a sleek low bun, something I’d do for court days for work, I straighten my crisp white shirt and button my coat, and I slide my feet into low pumps. I look at myself in the mirror and find career Sammy staring back at me. I’ve done this a million times before. I’ve been to these meetings a million times before. The only difference is this time, it’s my life hanging in the balance.

I might have been hesitant when this all began. I might have been scared and unsure, and I might have even felt weird thinking of myself as ‘mom.’

But things change and I fell in love.

They’ll have to pry her from my cold, dead hands before I’ll ever give her up. And Sam’s silence the past few days, while unnerving, just proves to me that although he said he would help, I’m not taking anything for granted.

I won’t be complacent.

I’m giving Lily a stable home and a future to look forward to. And I’m making Sam help me, even if he does it kicking and screaming.

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