Page 5 of Without You, Scotch and Sammy 2

“Will they take my baby away from me?”

Probably. I know her baby will likely spend some extensive time in hospital overcoming her addiction before she gets to go home with anyone. “I don’t know right now.”

“Who will get my baby?”

I tap my pen against the manila folder in my lap and avoid her sad eyes. “I’m not sure your baby will even be removed from your care.”

“Will I go to jail?”

Nope. “I don’t think so.”

“You sometimes look after the babies, don’t you?”

My eyes snap back up to hers.

“Do you think if I put my baby up for adoption, I can choose who her new mommy would be?”

My heart hammers in my chest and my breakfast bagel threatens to explode all over the room. “Shari--”

“You took care of me all these times. You’re not a bitch like some of the other state people I’ve met.”

“Shari. No--”

“So you could probably take care of a baby.” She sniffles and wipes her dirty hand across her dirtier face. “You have your life all put together, and I want to quit, Ms. Samantha, I really do, but I’m scared because I don’t know if I can. So maybe if you took my baby, she would be safe and everything would be okay. You could make her safe.”

“Shari. No. This isn’t like rehoming a cat. How do you even know I have space in my life for a baby?” I do. “How do you know I have money or a safe home?” I do. It’s especially safer than whatever Shari has to offer. “How do you know… anything?”

“So maybe you can go home and talk to your husband,” she bargains. “Go and talk to him and maybe he’ll say yes, then my baby will be safe and she won’t be sleeping outside when it’s winter. Your husband is a good Christian man, right? He’d do the right thing--”

“My husband?”

“You have such a pretty ring on your finger, and you’re so classy and pretty. I bet Mr. Ricardo would listen to you. He’s a good man, right? He wouldn’t hurt her?”

“Mr-- He… No--” Wait. “It’s a girl?”

“Yes.” Shari cries again. “The state sent me for a scan a few weeks back. Over at that place on fifth. You know the place.” Shari’s body is visibly shaking – nerves, or coming down off her high? “She’s a little girl, and we’re due in a few more months.”

“Shari, I’m here to help you, not to just take your baby and send you on your way.”

“But if they’re gonna take my baby anyway, I don’t want them to put her into a state home with a grouchy fat mom and twenty other kids. That’s where I grew up, Ms. Samantha, and that’s not what I want for her. But you’re nice and you’re kind. You’ve brought me food and water, so you know how to take care of someone.”

“Bringing a bottle of water and snacks doesn’t make me a good parent.”

“It makes you a better parent than I could be…” Devastation and acceptance both wash over her face. “Please help me. Please help my baby.”

“No.” I stand and begin collecting my things. “I’ll come back tomorrow to see you. I have to get back to work for now.”

“Don’t let the state take my baby--”

“The state doesn’t want to take your baby,” I repeat, though I silently admit that what she’s asking for is better than the alternative. If I had a choice, I’d remove her baby from her care. “Our goal is always to help you take care of her yourself. We’re here to help you get on your feet, to get clean and be able to provide her with a safe home.”

I turn toward the door with my arms filled with folders and my handbag, and I take a step away to leave, but a strong hand comes down on my arm with painful precision. My eyes snap back to Shari’s, and the desperation in them physically hurts me.

“I’m asking you to adopt my baby, Samantha. I’m asking you to take care of her.” Shari’s nails bite into my skin so hard I know there will be bruises later. “I’m not asking for the state, I’m asking for you. Get the papers ready or whatever you gotta do, I’ll sign her over.”

Shari releases me with a shove so strong, you’d never believe it was the underweight junkie in a hospital bed who did it. I stumble a few feet away, catching myself on a counter lining the wall seconds before I fall. My eyes meet the nurse as she stands at the entrance in shock. I take one last quick peek at Shari, back to pathetically sad instead of the possessed woman from a moment ago, then I turn on my heel and bolt without another word.

– Scotch –

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