Page 37 of Without You, Scotch and Sammy 2

“Why’s she here?”

“She wants to adopt that pretty baby.”

“Okay…?”

“We’re still married. She can’t do it without me.”

He drops down onto the bench beside me. “Fuck.”

“Yep. She wants my help. She wants to get me attached to a kid that she’s gonna steal again when she leaves in two months.”

“She’s leaving in two months?”

I shrug with defeat. “Something like that. She needs me to play happy families or some shit. Then after that, she doesn’t need me anymore. She said she’ll ‘minimize disruption to my life,’ then when it’s done, she’ll leave and I can get on with it.”

“Who is this kid to her?”

I shrug again. “Dunno. I haven’t actually had a proper conversation with her yet. I basically just swore and called her names, then I kicked her leg and kicked her out.”

Angelo’s eyes flare wide with rage. His shoulders shoot back and broad and his chest fills. “You kicked her?”

“It was an accident, Ang. I didn’t mean to, but I know I hurt her. I feel like fucking shit.”

“She didn’t tell me she was hurt just before. She wasn’t limping or anything.”

I shrug. “She’s a fighter. That’s why you let her hang out with us.”

He nods. “Yeah, I guess… So what are you gonna do? About the baby.”

I scrub my hands over my face in frustration. “I don’t really have a fucking choice, do I? She already knows that, which is why she came here. She knew I’d give her anything she wants.”

“You can just ask her to leave again. You don’t have to get involved.”

My head continues to hang low, but I turn so our eyes meet. “And live with the fact I might’ve ruined that little girl’s chance at happiness? We knew Sammy; maybe she made shitty choices with our relationship. Maybe she made shitty choices with our baby, but she’s a good person and she loves Lily already. I can see it.”

“So you help her out. You become that baby’s daddy on paper.”

Jesus. I never even stopped to realize she’d be mine on paper. Shame washes through me at the momentary hope that this could be our do-over. I shake my head as my heart thuds painfully. “And risk her killing me in the process? I don’t think I can handle this a second time, Ang. I legitimately don’t think I can handle having her and losing her twice. She’s leaving again soon. They both are.”

“She’s not asking for a relationship, right?”

“Nope. She just needs my help, then she’s out.”

“So, be Lily’s daddy for now. If she stays with Sammy, she’ll be without a daddy anyway, so maybe give her a couple months to know what that feels like. Not everyone has a father, bud. And not everyone who has one, wants the one they got. You can be good for her. And who knows, in the time she’s here, maybe you can get some closure of your own. Obviously thirteen years of absence didn’t fix anything, so try this instead. Duke it out, take it to the yard, get some answers. It could save your life.”

“Or it might break it.”

His hand comes down heavily on my shoulder. “You can’t possibly walk away feeling any worse than you already do. Doing the same shit every single day and expecting different results is just dumb. It’s time to try something new.”

“I just…” I shake my head. “I dunno, Ang. I hate her. I hate her with something powerful and painful in my heart. I don’t know if I can ever get over it.”

He sighs. “Everyone has their own demons. I don’t know what hers were. I don’t know why she did what she did, but she obviously felt it was the right thing to do at the time. Maybe just try and be her friend again. Maybe ask her why she did it.”

“But what do you do when you’re in love with your friend? Because there’s obviously enough room in my pathetic heart to love and hate at the same time. I can’t hate her enough to let her go, and I can’t love her enough to get over what she did. I’m fucked for a lifetime of this shit.”

– Sammy –

Making a deal with the devil…

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