Page 25 of Without You, Scotch and Sammy 2

“Hey.” She climbs onto the chair behind me. Her hands rest on my shoulders and her thumbs dig in and massage. “Are you okay? Was that another sister?” She giggles nervously. “Or maybe your wife? Are you cheating on me already Scotch Turner?”

Bile literally rises in my throat. I stand up so suddenly, Nancy slumps forward. Taking her hand, I help her stand. “Let’s go.”

“You’re taking me home?”

“Yep. Sorry. I can’t do this tonight.”

She watches me for a long moment, then dropping her eyes to our feet, she nods softly. “It was fun while it lasted. I had a good night tonight.”

“Sorry I’m flaking. Come on, I’ll drive you home.”

– Sammy –

Ghosts Everywhere

“Well, last night didn’t go quite as planned, did it, baby girl?” I take her bottle from the warmer, then test the temperature on my wrist and smile as I walk back to the chair beside my hotel bed.

Lily lies spread eagle on the bed, utterly relaxed with the smallest gassy smile on her face. She’s dressed like an amorphous blob, cozy and warm in a one-piece suit that’s thick enough for blizzards in Antarctica. Enjoying the fact she’s actually chill for once, I pick her up and pull her close to my chest.

Her thick lips smack noisily, and her head bobbles around on her neck in search of her breakfast. “You’re hungry, huh?”

It’s six a.m. on the dot, and I know that without even looking at the clock, because we’re still waking every three hours for feeds. Midnight. Three. Six. Nine. Noon.

Lily and I went out in search of Sam right after her nine o’clock feed last night. We got to town at around seven after a long day of appointments back home, she napped, she ate again, then heading out into what was only a threatened snow that turned to buckets of sloshing hell, I knocked on Sam’s apartment door.

I don’t know what I expected the first time I ever saw him again, but just being face to face was enough to almost send me mute for a lifetime. His eyes were shimmering and light. I thought I remembered him exactly. I thought my memory was perfect, but nothing could have prepared me for the intensity or lightness of the eyes I stared into freely for so long as a teenager.

Even before we were together, I stared.

And he let me.

His hair is longer now, curlier. He’s taller by a long way, broader across the chest and shoulders, and he has a thick stubble covering his jaw that’s brand new. I don’t think I ever even imagined him with facial hair, but it definitely suits him.

I left this town knowing Sam Turner, the boy. I came back to Sam Turner, the man.

I smile as Lily continues to squeak and chug her milk, and though I know it’ll result in a tummy ache an hour from now, I let her eat quickly, because she’s obviously hungry.

I let out a yawn and stretch my face wide. Lily slept better last night, up and down fairly easily every three hours, but I barely slept a wink. Outside traffic is loud in this hotel. The main street is close, and this place was almost full last night. I spent my night anxious about all the noise waking Lily. I spent my awake time trying not to picture Sam, then an adrenaline rush would fire through my system and further wake me every time I failed.

He’s wearing a nose ring now, something else I never could have imagined about him. Tattoos wound their way along the exposed skin of his forearms, and those same leather bands on his wrists from high school had my stomach clenching. He’s so much the same as I remember, and yet, so different.

I didn’t come here expecting any miracles. I didn’t come looking for a passionate reunion, or even easy friendship. I came here for Lily, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to keep her with me.

Naively, I was hopeful that that same gooey eyed boy from school would greet me at the door. The Sam I remember would never have dismissed me the way he did. But with an arctic glare, I realized immediately I was facing a stranger. In another life, another world, his mean and piercing eyes would have sent me running for the hills. Hell, it took three years of gooey eyed Sam to get a yes, so this new and cold man wouldn’t have had a chance of winning over scared teenaged me. But I’m not that girl anymore, and Lily is too important. So I’m pulling up my big girl panties and trudging forward.

Lily finishes every last drop of formula in her bottle and pushes it out with her tongue, so I set it aside and lift her up over my shoulder. Instant bubbles of gas rush to the surface, but I pat and wait for the big one. There’s always the big one, and until she gets it up, she’s a spew machine and screamer of epic proportions.

Another yawn takes control of my body and my stomach grumbles with hunger. I lean back in my chair and peek through the curtains to the road. It’s still mostly dark out. The streetlights are on and shimmer in the moisture in the air. The snow has stuck to the grass and sidewalks, but at least it’s not falling anymore.

“Is it time for my breakfast now?”

Lily yawns in response, which forces me to yawn, creating a pathetic yawning circle that I need to break now before I fall back to sleep. I pat her back again and again until I finally hear that coveted man-sized belch, then I stand up and place her on my bed.

“We’re gonna get dressed, Lil, then I need coffee.” I look around my utilitarian hotel room and sigh at the lack of amenities. “Lots and lots of coffee.” I pull my jeans on, then an extra thick sweater on top. I tie my long hair up in a high ponytail that I’ll no doubt pull out by the end of the day or risk a headache. I tuck my jeans into socks and pull knee high boots on over top, then packing a diaper bag with everything I think I’ll need today, I lay Lily in the carseat and clip her in. “We’re close to Main street, so what do you say we go for a walk?”

I pull a beanie low over my ears as shivers run through my body. Nervous butterflies flutter in my belly as we step outside and my breath comes out in foggy wisps. I haven’t set foot in this town in a very long time, but the main street still looks almost exactly the same. The shops and brick buildings are the same; some just have new signage in the windows.

I walk past a newer building with a photography studio tucked inside, then gulp anxiously as I spot the offices my daddy used to own. ‘Montgomery Law’ signage sits prominently in the windows now, which helps ease my nerves. Frederick Ricardo is no longer here, and he can’t interfere in my life anymore.

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