Page 32 of Without You, Scotch and Sammy 2

“I have money--”

His nostrils flare with red hot anger. “Get the fuck out of my apartment!” He storms past me, his foot accidentally colliding with mine and sending painful slices up my ankle. Lily screams in fright, but Sam doesn’t see or hear or feel any of this. He swings his door wide open, slamming it against the wall with his temper and catching it as it bounces back. “Get the fuck out. Take your money. Take your kid. And go and suck your baby daddy’s dick for a favor.”

Tears well in my eyes. Pain in my leg. Pain in my heart. Worry for Lily. I never expected a warm welcome, but I never would have guessed I’d find this cold man. “I can’t leave, Sam. This isn’t an option for me.”

“It’s an option for me. Get. The Fuck. Out.”

Lily continues to scream, popping her pacifier out as her face scrunches and burns red, and her tiny fists clench in anger. Her squeaky wheezing turns pained, and she gasps for air as she panics. I crouch down and ignore the angry man behind me. He’s pissed. He’s different. But I have no doubt in my mind, even with my back turned, he’d never hurt me. I unclip the straps and pull her out of the seat, then lifting her straight, I rest her face on my chest and bounce. “Shhh.” I kiss her head over and over again. “It’s okay. Shhh, Lil. Sammy’s got you, baby.”

I turn a slow circle and stop as Sam’s eyes bore into mine. He looks so sad. And lost. And angry. And like the Sam he always was. But completely different at the same time. Lily wheezes, and his eyes jump from her to me. “What’s that noise?”

“It’s okay. She’ll be okay.” I kiss her head again. “Shhh.”

“Sammy, what’s that sound?”

“Her laryngomalacia.”

He grinds his jaw in frustration. “What does that mean?”

“She has floppy airways, so she struggles a little bit sometimes.”

He slams the door quickly and blocks out the frigid cold, then rushes toward us as his hands flail in panic. “She can’t breathe?”

“Shhh.” I continue to bounce her. “She’s okay, Sam. Relax. She’s like my very own squeaky toy.”

“Does she need an ambulance? CPR? Is she choking on something? What can I do?”

“Just relax for a minute. She won’t relax if you don’t relax. She just needs to cool it and take a breath. And she’s probably hungry too. I’ll feed her when she calms down.”

Sam’s hands move into his long hair and he tugs in frustration. He steps away from me, pacing across the kitchen, then back, then away, then back again. He looks so lost and angry. Like a child that just doesn’t know how to reign in his out of control emotions.

“I’m sorry, Sam. Okay? I’m sorry for dropping in and throwing a wrench in your life. I probably got you in trouble with your girlfriend too. I’m sorry I’m hurting you.”

He stops pacing and turns back to me. He doesn’t move closer. His hands don’t leave his hair. He just stares.

“I’m sorry for everything that ever happened to us. But I need your help.” Yes. I’m taking advantage of his concern about a baby he doesn’t know. It’s not my proudest moment. But I already said I’d do anything for her, and I know without a doubt, beneath his anger, Sam is a good man. I’m willing to exploit that if that’s what it takes. “Lily and I need you.”

“The baby is Lily?”

“This is Lily. She’s not mine biologically. There’s no baby daddy. Lily’s parents are both dead, and I’m trying to adopt her. She’s already had a really shitty start to life, and now she just needs a home and love and stability. She needs me, Sam, and for that, I need you.”

His eyes flash with agony. “What do you need from me?”

“I need two months. The adoption and court will be finalized in two months. That’s not enough time for a divorce, so I need you to play along.”

“Play along with what?”

“You’re my husband. And one of the lawyers involved already knows both of us. She knows we’re not together--”

His eyes narrow. “Juliette.”

“Yeah… Juliette. She doesn’t wanna take Lily from me. She knows I’m her best chance at a good life. But the courts won’t let me keep her if I’m in this complicated relationship. I need to be divorced, or I need to be in a happy marriage. There’s not enough time for a divorce, even an amicable one.”

“You want me to pretend to be happily hitched to a girl I married when I was a teenager? Someone who shattered my fucking heart and ruined my life. Someone I haven’t seen in thirteen fucking years?”

I nod. “Lily needs you to pretend, Sam. I swear we’ll disrupt your life as little as possible. Then when it’s done, we’ll leave and you can move on. Two months. That’s all I’m asking.”

He stares at me for a long time, clenching his jaw and fisting his hands. His hair is a mess, spiky and pointing in a million directions. His shirt is wrinkled, and now that I pay attention, I realize it’s the same one from last night. His eyes are darker than usual, though still so light it’s hard not to stare.

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