Page 10 of Off Limits

I ripped my lips from his and looked into his eyes as my cock jerked and erupted. I wanted to burn the image of his face into my memory forever. I wanted his eyes to be the only ones I saw in every moment of pleasure, for the rest of my life.

I sighed and rested my head against the door behind me, and released my death grip from Richmond’s hair. It took a few minutes for my erratic breathing and pulse to return to normal.

“Richmond, that was…” What could I say? How could I put into words what this moment meant to me? What he meant to me?

“A mistake,” he whispered before I could stitch together my thoughts. He took a step away from me and my heart rate skyrocketed again, this time with panic. “What have I done? That never should have happened.”

“It’s okay,” I tried to soothe him. I understood that a lot had changed within our relationship in a very short amount of time. I reached out for him, but he stepped back again. “If you’re worried about Wade-”

“Oh, shit, Wade!” Richmond exclaimed as he ran a shaky hand through his hair. “I didn’t even think of him!”

My heart dropped into my stomach. I was hoping Richmond’s concerns were about how his son would handle this news, and I could comfort him by saying Wade was aware of my feelings, and encouraged our connection. But his son had nothing to do with his regret. It was all about me.

“We can’t tell him,” Richmond requested with pleading eyes. Though his shame shattered my heart, I would do anything for him.

“I won’t,” I whispered, and watched as he paced back and forth. Desperate to comfort the man I loved, I asked, “Richmond, please; what can I do?” If there was anything I could say, I’d shout it. If there was something he needed, I’d find it.

But his one request nearly brought me to my knees. “I think it’s best if you go home.”

My world spun. How could this happen? I’d finally got a taste of what I’d desired for nearly half my life, and then in a blink, it was yanked away from me. This man was my everything, yet he wanted nothing to do with me. He wasn’t even looking at me.

My throat tightened and burned as it tried to contain my overwhelming emotions. I couldn’t speak without breaking down. I wanted to cry; to plead my case and throw myself at his feet, but I didn’t want him to see me that way. Richmond made it clear he didn’t want me around, and watching me lose my shit would only downgrade his opinion of me.

So, in the end, I did what he asked of me. I slipped out the front door without a word. I walked to my car, sticky, heartbroken, and confused. I started down the road and made it about a block before I had to pull over because my tears were clouding my vision.

I wailed into my steering wheel, releasing everything I didn’t want Richmond to hear. My heart and soul were shattered. I’d devoted so many years to bettering myself to be good enough for him. I loved him with every piece of myself. But he turned me away.

It was worse now that I had seen paradise before getting kicked out. I’d felt his body against mine. I tasted his tongue. I knew what he sounded like in the throes of passion, and those memories would forever haunt me. Maybe it would have been better to keep my fantasies as they were. Maybe it was better to chase a dream than capture a nightmare.

Chapter Five

Gavin

I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths to calm my nerves. It had been almost two weeks since I last saw Richmond, and now he was sitting in my living room; just a few feet away from my bedroom, where I was trying not to vomit.

He was visiting Wade for dinner (take out, of course; Wade never cooked). I’d originally planned on being gone before he arrived, but that didn’t happen. I tried to tell myself I was just running behind, but I knew it was bullshit. As much as he’d hurt me, and as much as I was sure it would make things worse, I had to see him…just for a moment.

After one final deep breath, I pulled the door open and stepped out of my room. If I didn’t rip off the Band-Aid, I would spend the whole night hidden away and riddled with anxiety. I’d done enough of that over the past two weeks. I had to pull myself together and move on.

Wade was seated on the couch talking into his cell phone. “Sounds great, thanks,” he said before ending the call. “The pizza will be here in twenty,” he added with a look across the room to the recliner.

I followed his gaze and my heart dropped when I saw Richmond sitting there looking as gorgeous as always. The time apart and heartache had done nothing to dull my feelings for him.

I looked away and shuffled towards the front door, hoping to leave undetected, but I had no such luck.

“Hey,” Wade’s voice called out, “Are you sure you don’t want any pizza?”

I kept my eyes laser focused on him when I answered, “No, thanks. I’m going out.”

“I can tell. You’re wearing your ‘fuck me jeans’.” I had a favorite pair of jeans that made my ass look particularly nice. I usually wore them when I went to a bar or club. They usually helped attract some company for the night.

And that was the goal. I had to clear my head. I hoped getting under another man would help me get over Richmond. Maybe if I could distract myself with a meaningless hookup, I could forget about what I really wanted. I could live in the moment and not the memory.

“Do you have your condoms?” Wade asked.

“Yes, Dad,” I snickered, before a stabbing pain hit my chest. His dad was the one I wanted to use the condoms with. Or not, going off of the many fantasies I had where he took me with nothing between us. I instinctively peeked at Richmond and found him staring down at the floor. He still didn’t even want to look at me. He was so close to me, but he may as well have been a hundred miles away.

“And don’t drive drunk,” Wade added. Ordinarily, he was flighty and carefree, but he was also a very good friend, and always looked out for me.

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