Page 130 of The Honeymoon Affair

‘For crying out loud.’ She shakes her head. ‘Do you think of everything as a story to be used? Ariel burnt her hand and is in pain while I’m quite sure Iseult is upset at learning that your ex-wife cooked dinner. If,’ she added, ‘and I very much mean if, anyone was writing a murder mystery, Iseult would be found poisoned and Ariel would be the chief suspect.’

‘Or Ariel would be poisoned and Iseult would be the chief suspect,’ says Pamela. ‘Makes it a better story.’

‘In fact, me being poisoned and both of them being suspects is the most likely,’ says Charles.

I can’t quite believe they’re discussing a storyline when they’re talking about my actual life. What is wrong with these people?

Ellis glances at me and probably sees the expression on my face.

‘I’m sorry, Iseult,’ she says. ‘It’s our way.’

‘What is?’

‘Being flippant about things. Turning them into stories. We’re very much a story-telling family. It’s how we get through life.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes, really.’ Charles, who’d remained standing while the tea was being doled out, finally sits down on the sofa beside me. He takes my hand, but I shake it off, and a pained expression crosses his face. ‘Iseult, darling, I’m really sorry about all this. It wasn’t what I planned, I assure you.’

‘What part wasn’t planned?’ I demand. ‘The part where she burnt her hand or the part where you told her you loved her? Oh, or the part where you’re still bloody well married to her?’

‘I don’t love her,’ he replies. ‘Not how I love you. You know that. I’ve told you often enough. But I do love how she always tries to help me out, no matter what.’

‘Why on earth did you allow her to cook?’ I demand. ‘Especially after I suggested Celeste?’

‘It seemed like a good idea at the time,’ he says. ‘I’d paid for the dinner, after all, and the caterer was supplying the food.’

He’d allowed his ex to cook because he didn’t want to waste money?

‘What if I’d gone to the kitchen myself? Before everything blew up?’ I ask.

‘Why would you have done that?’ Charles looks bewildered.

‘I did,’ Ellis reminds him. ‘I brought down the plates, remember?’

‘Which means you knew.’ I shake my head. ‘When we were eating, you knew. And you didn’t say anything.’

‘I felt bad about it,’ admitted Ellis. ‘But what could I say?’

‘You’re all mad.’ I stand up abruptly and nearly knock over the half-finished cup of tea on the table beside me. ‘You think this is normal? It’s not.’

‘Oh, look, every family has a slightly mad moment from time to time,’ says Pamela. ‘There’s no need to get your knickers in a twist.’

‘I think anyone would get their knickers in a twist if they heard their fiancé telling his ex that he loved her,’ I return.

Pamela and Ellis exchange glances.

‘Is that the crux of the problem?’ asks Pamela.

‘I didn’t mean it,’ Charles tells me as he gets to his feet and this time tries to put his arm around me. I move away and face him.

‘In that case, why did you say it?’ I demand.

‘It’s just something you say.’

‘It’s not something I say,’ I snap. ‘Not unless I mean it.’

I take my phone from my bag and flick through the apps.

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