Page 113 of From Rivals to I Do

It has been quite a few months since the divorce. Though it was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make, for the sake of our daughter and myself, I decided to return home to Queens. I know I’m going to miss this apartment more than anything. It was my first apartment, the first step to adulthood and following my dreams in LA.

Sure, it wasn’t the most fabulous apartment in the city. It sat in a run-down neighborhood, the lights flickered, and it always smelled like mildew. But these walls have housed me while I dreamt about a bright future, while I read scripts, made mistakes, had breakthroughs, fell in love, and fell flat on my face. There was pain and rejection behind the plaster, but there was also more hope than anything else.

“Mommy, can I bring Nellie on the plane?” Charlee asks me. Nellie is a small stuffed octopus she’s had since the day she was born. I remember lying in the hospital bed, sweating and more emotional than I’d ever been in my entire life, holding her for the first time. Reece sat beside me with a baby blue octopus in his hands as the nurse took a picture of us. Those were the good old days. Before he started drinking, he was so loving I thought I would marry him one day.

“Why did you get the octopus?” I asked him after Charlee had been taken to the nursery. I had asked him to pick a bear for her because I had a bear when I was born, and I had loved him more than anything.

“Every little girl has a bear,” he shrugged and squeezed the octopus.

Charlee climbs on my lap and brings me back to the present day. I hold her in my arms and kiss her on the forehead. “Of course, Nellie will ride with us. But you can’t bring any more toys, all right? We’ve got to mail them to Grandma because the plane can’t carry that many toys.”

She nods her head and hops off my lap to run back to her room. She stops at the front of the hallway and turns around to face me. “Do you think Nellie will be the first octopus in space?”

“Honey.” I laugh. “Airplanes don’t go into space. They just fly in the clouds.”

Charlee nods her head and skips down the hallway. I smile and look down at the pile of clothes I still have to pack. I don’t know what I would be doing right now if it weren’t for Charlee. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I couldn’t live in a world without her.

I finished packing later than I would have liked. Our flight to New York leaves at two in the afternoon tomorrow, so I had hoped to have all of the boxes dropped off at FedEx before they closed today. Now I’ll have to go first thing in the morning and pray that it doesn’t delay us too much.

I make my way downstairs with the last of the boxes stacked in my arms to load them into the car.

“Rayne!” Reece calls as I lock the doors and make the car alarm beep twice. “Can we please talk about this?”

“I’ve tried to talk, Reece. There’s no talking to you,” I snap back. “Back up and go back to the hotel. I’ll text you when we leave.”

I start walking away from him without waiting for a response. I hear him running up just before he grabs my wrists. I had vowed I’d never allow Reece to mistreat me ever again, drunk or not. I snatch away from him and stare him directly in the eyes. “Let go of my arm right now, or I’m calling the police. Reece, I’m so done with your abuse! Get control of yourself, for once.”

“Please just let me see her one more time before you leave,” he begs me.

I turn to face him with anger in my eyes. Reece is a master manipulator, and I know that if I cave now, he would see it as a sign of weakness for him to get what he wants. So this time, I wouldn’t let him control me anymore. It felt so good to be in control and no longer feel vulnerable or frightened of him anymore.

“You had your last visit on Tuesday,” I say calmly, now careful not to show any signs of emotion in front of him. “It’ll be too hard for Charlee to understand what’s happening if she sees you now.”

“What about me?” he asks in desperation.

“This isn’t about you anymore, Reece,” I yelled at him. “Not everything is about you. It’s about Charlee, our daughter… and me. And it’s over, Reece. If you care about us, I suggest you find professional help and get your life together so Charlee can have a relationship with her father.”

I storm away from him back to the front door of the apartment complex. If I could just get back to our apartment and lock the door, I could pretend this encounter had never happened and finish packing our things. I anxiously walked back into the house, close the door behind me, and never looked back at him.

When I return to our apartment, I lock the chain on the door, fall to the ground, and hold my head in my hands. Why did he have to ruin everything? We had such a promising future in LA. Reece had been directing an award-winning film and had plenty of momentum to make a name for himself, but he threw it all away.

I take a deep breath and try to center myself using some of the techniques my friend Leia taught me after she came back from that weekend retreat in Topanga Canyon. I inhale sharply through my nose and exhale slowly through my mouth. No matter how long I do it, however, it never seems to calm my nerves. Meditation isn’t really for me, I suppose.

Charlee sounds asleep in her bed, and I walk over to tuck her in and kiss her forehead. Nellie is clutched in her arms, and I fondly squeeze the plump octopus’ head. Finally, I lie beside my daughter and drape my arms around her.

***

My cell phone rings, and I wake up instantly. I’m in Charlee’s bed, but she isn’t there with me. I grab my phone to see who is calling me. It’s my mom, so I let it go to voicemail. I check the time and instantly jump out of bed.

We’re late. I never meant to fall asleep.

“Charlee!” I yell.

She comes running into the room, still in her pajamas and her hair hanging low in a ponytail. Her face is completely covered in what looks like jam. I kneel in front of her and smile, even though I’ve only been awake for two minutes and already feel like I’m losing my mind. I know I’m making the best decision for Charlee and me, but I feel a little nervous. I grew to despise Reece and had prayed for years to get the courage to leave him and start a new life. But now that the time has finally come, I can’t help but feel butterflies in every fiber of my being.

“Sweetie, remember how we’re going on that plane ride today?” I ask in a calm voice. She nods her head and smiles. “Well, Mommy overslept, and now we’re running behind. So, I need you to help me out this morning, okay? Please go wash your face and change into the outfit I laid out for you last night.”

I reach my finger out to her face to see what’s on it before she leaves. It’s sticky and smells fruity. I licked my finger and confirmed that it was grape jelly all over my daughter.

---