Page 42 of Triple the Danger

Jax sank on to the bed and ran a hand through his hair before his gaze returned to hers. She saw nerves, as well as vulnerability, and her heart twisted. Damn it, she was supposed to be angry, but seeing that, her heart wasn’t about to let her. Finally, Jax admitted, “Only a couple of people know this about me, so I need you to understand this isn’t something I’m all that comfortable sharing. I probably should start at the beginning. Growing up, I came from a crazy, toxic family. My parents kept having kids they couldn’t take care of properly, and honestly, I think they just didn’t want to. We brought in a monthly check, and the more of us there were, the more they got. I have five sisters, and six brothers. I’m in the middle of them all, so a lot of the times I was forgotten or just completely ignored.

“It also meant that we all had to share rooms. We had a rundown four bedroom house, and as I’m sure you can figure out, having that many kids and only that many bedrooms, it meant we had to share. I had to share my room with my brothers, and the girls were split up between two rooms, while our parents took the main bedroom. When you’re in a house like that, and in a room like that, it’s always a mess, especially with a bunch of other boys. My brothers were wild, and they didn’t give a shit about things being clean or organized enough for us to find things. Our parents barely enforced any rules, so we were mostly on our own. I was one of the younger boys, so I didn’t understand why things were like that, and if I tried to clean up, it would end up with my brothers getting pissed at me for touching or moving things.

“By the time we went to school, we were known as the wild kids, the ones that the teachers dreaded having in their classes. I tried really hard to not be like my older brothers, and even my older sister, who unfortunately was wild as they were, but of course, I got painted with the same brush. I’m not trying to say poor me, I’m just pointing out that I didn’t have the best of shots from the beginning, and as we got older, it got worse. We fought, we broke shit, and we hated each other at times. My older brothers got in trouble and my parents didn’t give a shit. And I just felt like it was all swirling out of control.

“So one day, I decided that I couldn’t stay in the house anymore. I was sixteen, and was tired of having to fight every day to find my shit, and fight with the kids at school who bullied me for having stinking clothes that didn’t fit. I couldn’t stand my room anymore. It stank so bad, and we had cockroaches and mice in there all the time. It freaked me out to grab clothes and realize that a family of mice or bugs were in them. And no one cared. So I walked out of that house and found an old, rundown shack in the woods, and I took it over. I don’t know who built it, but it was a one-room spot that clearly had animals living in it at one time, but I didn’t care. It was a new space for just me, and I wanted it. I moved all my shit in there, and that’s where I realized that I could have my own space and finally make it my own. But that’s when I noticed that I couldn’t stand things being messy. I’d flip out if something was out of place.

“When I turned eighteen, I decided to move. My parents never even noticed I was living out there, but my brothers figured it out and when they found my shack, they decided it wasn’t fair that I had it, and they wanted it too. So they invaded my space, and I flipped my shit. It was my space, and was finally clean and organized, and in minutes, it was in shambles. It was the first time I really realized how badly I needed to get out if I didn’t want to do something terrible like kill one of my brothers. After they trashed everything, I grabbed everything I could carry that wasn’t too broken to fix, and I left. I didn’t have any direction, but I had been working at a fast-food joint for a couple of years and squirreled away a little money so I was able to at least stay in hotels until I figured out where I was going. I moved around a lot, working odd jobs and staying in weird places, but eventually I saved up enough to get a bike, and I rode the open roads until I landed in this town.

“I decided if I wanted to get ahead, I needed a good skill, and since I liked working with my hands and I seemed pretty mechanically inclined, I went to school to become a mechanic. From there I found the Dragons, and I’ve been here ever since. But, that feeling of needing everything clean and in its place has never gone away. I need it, or I feel like I lose control. Like things are going to go back to that toxic, dirty way they were before.”

Saylor’s anger deflated completely. Holy shit, she never would have pegged Jax to be this way. Sure, he was clean and tidy from what she could see, but she would never have thought to that extreme. And now, realizing just what he’d been through, she could see why it was such a trigger for him. “Jax,” she said softly, uncrossing her arms and easing forward.

He shook his head and got to his feet, pacing as much as he could in the small space. “Look, I know that I’m not normal,” he said, though he refused to look her way, staring ahead or at the floor. “And I know it’s weird as fuck, but I can’t turn it off, no matter what I’ve done. I’ve tried being messy, I’ve tried to not care, but I just can’t do it. That’s why I’m so protective of my space. I do better in the garage because we have our own bays, and Razor makes sure that his stuff never gets mixed up with mine or on my bench. But it’s also why I don’t let people stay in this room for very long with me. The club girls tried to come in and clean, but I flipped out on them once and they haven’t tried again.” He stopped and turned to look at her, his face carefully blank, waiting as he watched her.

Saylor felt her heart break in her chest for the little boy that only wanted to have a place of his own; that was clean and his and where he felt he belonged. She never had to deal with something like this before, and the trauma of what he’d been through was never going to go away. She hated his family for doing that to him. For making him suffer, even after being away from them for so long.

She also realized how hard it must be for him to be in here with her. To have her in his space; for him to trust her with it. And she had unknowingly disrespected it and caused him a kind of a pain he didn’t know how to handle. She stood and moved toward him. He gave her a wary look, but didn’t back away. “I’m sorry,” she said softly when she stood in front of him, keeping her hands carefully to herself. She wasn’t sure he would welcome her touch right now. “Even not knowing all of that, I should have respected your space. Sometimes I get really busy and I forget where I am. The bed, that’s a separate thing, but we’ll address that later. Right now, I’m just going to say I’m sorry that I inadvertently pushed a button for you, and while I’m here, I’ll try to remember that and respect that from now on. Okay?”

Jax didn’t say anything for a moment, staring silently down at her. Then he reached out and pulled her into him, his head lowering so that his forehead pressed against hers. She let her hands come up to rest on his chest, feeling his heart pounding under her palm. After a minute, the racing beat slowed, once again calm and steady. “I need to work on it,” he said quietly. “I’ve never had to before, but I want you here with me, and it’s not fair to expect you to put up with my weird tendencies and my fucked up past.”

“You don’t have to do that,” she argued, pulling her head back just enough so she could see his eyes as she opened hers. “Jax, this is your space. If this is the place that you feel safest, that you need to stay organized and clean, then it’s my responsibility to change my behaviors to accomplish that. I’ll do that by making sure that if I’m in here working over the next couple of days, that I clean up after myself and keep it tidy. And if I don’t think I can, then I’ll find another space where I can work. Okay? You don’t need to work on anything you’re not ready for. This kind of thing can take a lot of time to work through. Does it affect the rest of your life? Do you have problems seeing other spaces messy?”

He shook his head. “No. Just mine. I don’t have full blown OCD, and Razor and Savage both told me they think it’s a trauma response, but I don’t know anything about that kind of shit, or how to fix it. If you’re willing to be patient with me, I’ll work on it. I just need you to understand I don’t mean to come off as an asshole about it if I lose my temper. Sometimes it comes out before I can stop it.”

Saylor gave him a soft smile. “I can handle it. If you’re too much of an asshole, I’ll make sure you know it.”

He gave a soft laugh. “Yeah, I know you will.”

“Can I ask a question?” He nodded. “Why does only Razor and Savage know about it and not the rest of your brothers?” she asked curiously.

He winced and rubbed at the back of his neck. “I know my brothers won’t think less of me, because we all have our own shit we’re dealing with, but it’s never come up before, other than with Razor when we had to room together as prospects. The whole reason I almost quit was because I couldn’t handle Razor being so messy, or how he was constantly asking me to use things because he forgot stuff. We ended up having a major fight in our room, and Savage came in to break it up. Savage got it out of me, and Razor realized it was a big deal. Savage offered to let me stay in another room, but Razor insisted that we stay together and he would be more mindful about it. And he was. We’ve been best friends ever since. When we started working together at the garage, Razor already knew what I needed to be in a good space, and he made sure that continued there.”

Saylor’s respect for Razor grew tenfold hearing this. It took a lot for a guy that young to understand trauma so well and work hard to correct something, and not treat Jax any differently. Hell, she had seen so many at Mater’s gym having issues and the other guys ribbing or taunting them for it. Using their pain to get the upper hand. If Mater heard it, he threw the offender out, but a lot of times, the person never revealed their struggle, instead taking it and using it to fuel their workouts.

“Alright then, I’ll make sure not to mention anything to anyone,” she promised Jax.

He gave her another one of his soft smiles. “Thanks, baby.” Then he pulled her into his arms and gave her a tender kiss. She felt her heart turn over in her chest at the kiss, and realized that there was some heavy stuff now resting on her shoulders. Not to mention, she was sliding down the slippery slope of falling for a man she knew she was going to walk away from. She was going to have to be very careful, or when she left, she’d be leaving more than memories behind.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

JAX

It surprised him how much lighter he felt, even though he was sitting in Church where he was about to talk about the bastard that shot at him. He felt like he should be embarrassed over having told her all that, but Saylor didn’t look at him with pity, which softened the blow. She looked at him with understanding and regret, as if she didn’t like that she hurt him. Did that mean she was finally starting to consider staying? Even if only subconsciously? He hoped so. Because he really needed her to stay with him; her response earlier solidified that. It also made it clear that he had already fallen so hard for this woman.

He should probably be freaking the hell out about it, but that was the last thing on his mind. How the hell could he fall for a woman so quickly? It had only been a day, and already, he was thinking of her staying permanently. Of exploring what they had. How did that make sense? But he’d seen it happen already with Savage and Fury. Hell, Fury was after Esme from the first day, and look at them now. If they could make it work, he could do the same with Saylor. He just had to convince her to give him a chance.

But that would have to wait until later.

“Alright, let’s start from the top,” Savage ordered briskly, drawing their attention. “Jax, you recount what you remember; Rogue, you fill in anything he doesn’t. Then Simba will fill us in on what happened when they chased them down.”

Jax gave a quick recount, with Rogue adding a few details along the way. When he finished, he said, “I think the man in the car was Saylor’s ex. I thought about the voice some more, and I’m pretty sure it’s the same bastard that screamed at us in the clearing.”

“That tracks,” Fury agreed. “We already know he’s got leverage over whoever this asshole is. It stands to reason he’s gotten the guy to help him. He was probably counting on us bringing the car into the shop, so he could sneak around to find Saylor while it was being fixed.”

Jax’s blood ran cold. He didn’t even want to think about what could have happened if they had been successful.

“Guess it’s our turn,” Simba drawled, leaning forward to brace on the table in front of him. They had pulled in extra chairs for the Predators, who had taken up residence at the opposite end of the table, completely at home. Jax supposed they had been around enough now that it made sense. “We gave chase, and surprisingly, those bastards were fast and seemed to know where they were going. The passenger shot at us, but we returned fire and they ducked back inside. We were going to try and herd them down a side road, but they went screeching in the opposite direction down a busier street. We saw kids playing outside and had to abort. As much as I wanted to catch them, I’ll never put innocent lives like that at risk.”

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