Page 18 of Saving Love

I swear I’m about to come again, but suddenly Cassian isn’t on top of me anymore. I hardly have time to register his absence before his large hands grasp my hips firmly. Cassian flips me over effortlessly, then pulls my hips back so I’m on all fours.

“Fuck yes,” he grunts, gripping my ass cheeks and spreading them wide.

Cassian thrusts into me, growling when he bottoms out. I let out a broken cry as I unravel for him, my orgasm ricocheting through my body but never leaving me completely. I’m so fucking sensitive, so raw as he pounds into me.

“I-I-I ca-ca-n’t…” I stutter out, unable to take a full breath.

“You can, baby. Trust me, you can. Feel this with me. Fucking feel it, Blakely.”

I whimper and nod my head, staying right here with him in the moment, struggling to hold myself up on shaky arms while my pussy knots around him over and over. Incoherent words and strangled, almost tormented sounds fall from my lips as Cassian tears me apart, fucks me so good, so hard, so damn rough. He’s branding me with each savage stroke, claiming all of me, body and soul.

Cassian slides his hand around to my front, spreading his fingers out over my stomach and pulling me even closer to him as he ruts into me. His hand creates even more pressure.

My fingers curl into the sheets, fisting them as I try desperately to hold myself up. When he brushes the tips of his fingers over my clit, my knees wobble and my arms give out completely. I faceplant into the pillow, my ass still in the air, Cassian still pounding away. He pinches my clit and I sob out yet another orgasm. My pleasure spikes as white-hot bliss fills my veins. When it fades away, I'm completely limp. Boneless. Held up only by Cassian's punishing grip on my hips.

“Gonna come inside you, love. Gonna make you a mother,” he growls as he holds himself deep inside me. His words make my pussy contract one last time, and that’s his breaking point.

Cassian lets out a feral roar as his cum fills me up. He pulls back and then enters me again as more of his release shoots out of him. There’s so much, I feel it dripping down my thighs, the tickling sensation making me moan and involuntarily tremble in his arms.

The last of his orgasm drains from him, and then Cassian collapses on top of me. He's sweaty and panting for air as he rests his forehead between my shoulder blades. The way his hot breath tickles my skin, the weight of his body on top of mine, his sweat mixing with mine… I know. I love him and I want to spend my life right here by his side.

We must have fallen asleep at some point in the afterglow, because when I wake up, it’s pitch black in the room and I’m still naked. I’m not sure what startled me awake, but then I hear it. An anguished groan coming from the other side of the bed.

It takes me a second to orient myself in the darkness, but when I hear a strangled scream, I roll over to find Cassian, his face twisted up in pain while sweat drips down his forehead. What is going on?

I panic, thinking at first he’s having a heart attack or dying. It’s not until Cassian shouts for everyone to take cover that I understand what’s really happening. He’s having a nightmare about his time overseas. If I had to guess, he’s reliving his last mission.

“Cassian,” I whisper, hoping to wake him up gently. “Cassian, you’re having a bad dream.”

I reach out, grazing my fingers across his arm in an attempt to ground him. His skin is on fire, and I can only imagine the horrors he’s imagining in his mind. I wish I could take it all away, but I can’t. Just like he can’t undo what happened to me in the past. We’ll move forward together. Heal together. Grow stronger together.

Cassian flinches, then jerks his elbow back, narrowly missing my chin. I move out of the way, climbing out of bed and racing around to his side. "Hey," I try again, my voice louder this time. "Cassian. Come back to me." He gasps, choking on air as he fights his way through. "You're safe. You're here with me. Please, please wake up," I beg.

The next second, Cassian’s eyes are wide open, confusion and panic clouding his vision. “What…” He trails off, his breathing ragged as he slowly comes back to reality.

“I’m right here,” I soothe.

“Blakely,” he murmurs. “Blakely,” he says again, with more force behind my name this time. I watch as his face turns from confusion to something resembling anger. “My pills are on the dresser,” he growls.

It takes a second for me to realize he’s asking me to get his pills for him. I grab them and come right back to his side. He snatches the bottle from my hand and swallows down two pills before exhaling and closing his eyes.

After a few moments of silence, Cassian opens his eyes and sits up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. I sit next to him, my heart sinking when he tenses up. “Are you okay?” I ask, my voice quiet and calm.

“I should be asking you that,” he responds, his voice raspy from shouting in his sleep. “I’m so fucking sorry,” he says, shame lacing his words.

“Sorry? For what? You had a bad dream.” I look over at Cassian, hating the wild look in his eyes mixed with his slumped, defeated body posture. He must feel trapped in his own head, and I hate that for him.

“I could have hurt you,” he grunts, closing his eyes. “My goddamn PTSD nightmares… fuck, what the hell was I thinking?” I’m not sure if he’s talking to himself or me at this point. Clearly, he’s in a bad headspace, but I don’t know how to help.

“Cassian,” I murmur, resting my head against his bicep. He doesn’t move, but he doesn’t flinch away from touch, either.

“I don’t deserve you,” he whispers. “I’m too fucked up. I… I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” I say, trying to speak some truth to him. Cassian shakes his head. I can tell I’m losing him, so I decide to put it all on the line. Taking a deep breath, I shore up all the courage I have and tell him what’s been on my mind and heart ever since we shared our first kiss. “I love you, Cassian.”

Silence spreads between us as I sit there with my heart in my hand.

“You can’t love me,” he finally responds. “I’m no good for you. I’m no good for anyone.”

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