Page 117 of Hidden Empire

Is that what this is? The pain radiates in a way that makes me feel nauseous and uncomfortable, so I’m not sure what else to compare it to. It feels sort of like when my period cramps are bad.

Or wait, am I due for my period?

I freeze, thinking about it further.

When… when was my last period?

My stomach churns, and I gasp into my hand.

Oh god.

Panicked, I turn off the water and scramble for my towel. I don’t bother drying off, wrapping it around my body with a knot before rushing into my bedroom. When I find my emailer, I flip it open and blink, looking for the date.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Almost four weeks ago, I was supposed to start my period nearly four weeks ago.

Realization sinks in, and the thought only makes my stomach hurt worse.

Holy shit, I’m so stupid.

I’d been so consumed by my feelings for Dmitri and my unfathomable desire to be with him that I didn’t think about the consequences. I’m not on birth control, and I don’t think we’ve ever used a condom.

As much as I’d like to blame this on the public school system’s poor education in sexual health, this is on me. If I’m pregnant, it’s my fault.

Okay, don’t panic.

I steady myself, setting down my emailer to dry off and throw on some clothes. I have to figure out if it’s true. There’s still a chance that I’m just feeling off. Having a missed period wouldn’t be new for me. I hardly had one at all before, maybe this one is just a hormone thing or maybe I didn’t get enough nutrition this month.

A knock taps against my door, and I freeze, almost finished pulling my socks on.

“Yes?” I call out.

“It’s me,” Matteo sing-songs. “Can I?—”

“I’m not dressed yet,” I rush out the lie.

“Okay,” he says through a chuckle. “Did you want breakfast? We’re all going to go in a minute.”

Ask him. Ask him to help you get a test.

No, no, no. I can’t do that.

I have to see Dmitri. As hard as it’ll be to ask him, I have to.

“I might just stay here all day,” I call out, keeping my voice from wobbling. “Cramps.”

“Oh shit, it's about that time, huh?” You have no idea. “That’s fine, I’ll check back in before lunch?”

“Yes, please,” I croak. “I just want to be alone for a while.”

“You got it,” he assures me, and I wince with guilt at his caring tone. “I’ll make sure the rest of us know to let you be.”

I breathe out. “Thank you.”

“No problem, sis. Let me know if you need anything.”

I don’t respond because if I do, I might cry. I really need to figure out how I’m going to make up for all of these lies. My brothers don’t deserve this, but unfortunately, I’ve got bigger things to worry about right now.

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