“Yeah, we can do that.”
Since I’m already in my pajamas, I just have to shrug off my coat and shoes while Ivan pops into the bathroom to change into sweatpants. I pull my favorite blanket off of Dmitri’s bed, hugging the soft fabric to my face, surrounding myself with his woodsy smell. If Ivan thinks it’s weird that I’m practically inhaling his brother’s scent from his blanket, he doesn’t say it.
I hold it out to him, offering it so he can toss it over the back of the couch and extend it to cover the whole thing. He gets in first, putting his back against the standing cushions. He’s under the blanket easily, waiting for me to follow suit.
“So, on the nights that Dmitri is away, I can stay with you?”
“Of course,” Ivan replies, lifting the blanket for me to crawl under with him.
Naps on Dmitri’s couch have easily become one of my favorite ways to sleep. Especially when it’s with Ivan. If I want to cuddle my boyfriend, he’ll pick me up and bring me to his bed. It’s only a few feet away but much more accommodating for his size.
Ivan, on the other hand, fits perfectly snuggled onto the couch with me. Cuddling with your boyfriend’s brother is probably super strange to people who don’t have an Ivan, but if they had an Ivan, they’d understand. One hug from this man, and it would make total sense.
And besides, he’s not just Dmitri’s little brother to me anymore. He’s right up there with Matteo as one of my best friends. Sometimes I miss him as soon as I have to leave for class. It’s crazy how natural our bond feels, like I’ve had it my whole life instead of just a couple of months.
“I’m starting to feel kind of bad for fibbing to my brothers,” I confess, having just thought of Matteo. Getting comfortable lying on my side with him, I frown. “I wish they knew but?—”
“But they’d totally freak out and you want to enjoy the bliss that keeping your relationship a secret provides. Trust me, I get it.”
I chew on my bottom lip, softening into a more relaxed state. “You do?”
“Uh-huh,” Ivan agrees. “I’ve got secrets too.”
“You do?” I look at him with large, round eyes. “Even from Dmitri?”
“From everyone,” he whispers.
Sensing his sadness, I lean in, tucking my head under his chin.
“If you want to tell someone, you can tell me,” I offer, meaning it. “I’ll never tell a soul. Best friend privileges with me are unbreakable.”
“Yeah?” he asks vulnerably, twirling some of my hair between his fingertips.
“Yep,” I chime, pecking his heart with my lips. “You tell me anything you want, and I’ll keep your secrets.”
It’s quiet for a few minutes, only the sound of our breathing fills the room. Ivan continues to stroke his hand through my hair, petting my head in the process. Everything he does offers a level of comfort only Dmitri and Matteo have given me before. They all have the ability to make me feel small in a safe way. Like I could be made of glass, but they’d never let me break.
“There is one thing I’d like to say out loud,” he finally says, muttering the words like a soft song.
“Tell me,” I encourage, keeping my head down so that he doesn’t lose his courage.
More strokes of my hair and his heart starts to beat faster, the sound echoing in my ear. I know this is hard for him because he’s genuinely hesitating. I’m about to remind him that there’s no pressure and he doesn’t have to tell me when he speaks.
“I’m gay.”
Two words to hit me right in the heart.
I can feel Ivan holding in a breath, and I practically squeeze it out of him.
“I’m so happy you told me,” I exclaim, feeling like I might cry.
“You are?” Ivan asks, voice wavering.
“Of course!” I promise, lifting my head up to look him in the eyes. I quickly kiss the corner of his mouth, needing to assure him. “Are you okay? That seemed really hard for you?—”
“It was,” he agrees, swallowing thickly. “I didn’t think I’d ever say it.”
“What?” I ask, devastated. “Why not?”