Page 30 of Cat Sloan is Swirling

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“Why not? You know me and my questions.” Elena shrugged. She didn’t want to make Cat uncomfortable, but couldn’t help wanting to know more about her. It seemed that every new thing she learned led to more questions.

“Who else am I going to talk to about them?” she continued. “You’re the woman with the sex toys in the back of her store.”

“True,” Cat said as she slowly spun the stem of her wine glass between her finger and thumb.

“Uh oh, you pulled your teeth across your bottom lip,” Elena said.

“I what?” Cat said, looking up at Elena.

“You do that when you’re thinking about what you want to say.” Elena shrugged. “I’ve noticed.”

Cat tilted her head. “You know if someone else told me that it would unnerve me, but not you. Anyway,” Cat said, “I don’t want you to get the wrong impression about me and vibrators. Yes, I opened a place for women to purchase vibrators, but I do not think they replace intimacy.”

“I didn’t think that. I thought it was a way to explore my body, my sexual desires. I do hope to have sex again someday and I want to be able to ask for what feels right to me.”

Cat smiled. “Good. I didn’t mean to imply a vibrator could replace…”

“Love? Or intimacy, as you said. I want a partner for that. Don’t you?”

Cat sighed. “That’s a hard question for me.” Cat smiled at Elena and continued. “I don’t ever want to feel the way I did when Hattie left. Ever again. In order to protect myself from that, it seems the easiest thing to do would be to not fall in love. However, I’m not one for casual sex. I’ve never been able to do the friends with benefits thing. My heart gets involved.”

“Hmm, I can understand your heartache. I’ve certainly been there, although for different reasons. But…”

“There’s always a but.” Cat smiled.

“I don’t want to close off my heart to love and…”

Cat looked up and waited. “And?” she finally said when Elena didn’t continue.

“I don’t think you should close your heart to love either.” Elena quickly added, “Let me explain before you get upset.”

Cat smiled. “I won’t get upset with you.” She reached for her wine. “Maybe.”

Elena raised her eyebrows. “You have too much love inside your heart not to give it to someone. It’s like you’re depriving the world.”

“What?” Cat laughed.

“Sure. People who have some kind of talent or gift should share it with others. They shouldn’t keep it to themselves. I happen to be able to make kids connect letters to make words and help them read. Can you imagine what would’ve happened to Nicolas if he hadn’t learned to read? He wouldn’t be the outgoing, accomplished person that he is.”

Cat tilted her head. “You’re trying to equate your ability to improve peoples’ lives to me falling in love?”

“No.” Elena shook her head. “You have so much love in your heart, Cat. I can see it in the way you help others or when you’re with your sisters and friends. I can feel it with how you’ve befriended me. Don’t deny someone, and there will be someone someday, that exquisite love that is only you.”

Elena could tell Cat was thinking about what she said. “I know it’s hard and you don’t want to feel that pain again, but someone is going to love you and when you feel that rush of emotion and it overflows inside of you then you’ll barely remember who Hattie was.”

Elena smiled and waited for Cat to meet her eyes. She could see a hint of the pain or perhaps that was the wall receding where it’d been around her heart.

A slow smile crept onto Cat’s face. “I remember how it feels to give love, but will I get love back?”

“You will. I promise.”

Cat scoffed. “How can you promise that?”

Elena shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe I’ll become a matchmaker and find your forever partner.”

“Let’s talk about you.”

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