Page 4 of Stargazer

Upon reflection, sleeping in his bed last night had been a mistake—a comfort, but definitely loaded with mixed signals. I wouldn’t let it happen again until I figured this out. And I would—figure it out, I mean.

I turned, taking in the serene sight of River sleeping, a golden hue that always seemed to follow the boy glowing around him. My heart ached when I thought of the last time I stared at someone like this. When I was waking up to Griffin only a mere two nights ago.

Griffin and I were casual. That was always the deal. Friends with benefits, even when it started to feel like more. He was emotionally unavailable and I was terrified of heartbreak. Which left us in a weird limbo of treating each other like more but never talking about what we actually were to one another. As much as my heart craved it to be something stronger, and possibly created phantom signs in my head, it wasn’t anything other than sex.

Mind-blowing, incredible sex.

And maybe a hint of lust. And desire. And longing.

But all of that had been built on the foundation of my ex-love being a murderer. And now that he wasn’t, I had come back. Leaving Griffin behind.

In that moment, I wasn’t picking one over the other. I was just doing what I needed to. Giving River what he deserved.

Even when Griff asked me not to.

Even when he asked to come with me.

This was something I needed to do alone.

The image of him leaving his room, that door slamming behind him, felt so final. Felt like his goodbye.

He had told me to go back to River. Those were his parting words; he was done.

He didn’t want drama. He didn't even want a relationship.

I understood why he was so upset though. After basically toying with each other for months, I finally gave in to him, only to leave.

Things were easy—happy—between us and whether we admitted it or not, we both gave each other something that the other was missing.

And then I ripped it away by telling him I was going back to see my ex.

Griff might not have been the type to do the whole boyfriend thing, but even I knew that leaving was a sensitive topic for him. A wound that he would likely not recover from any time soon.

And there was no way he’d put up with what I would be dragging him through. Especially not now. Not after the pain that danced across his eyes before he walked out on me.

But if it was just casual, why was there so much pain in that goodbye?

I knew it was over. And it fucking hurt. The thought of losing the person I had become the closest to all over again, hurt.

I had confided in Griffin. Trusted him. Relied on him. I’d grown attached. Even when I knew I shouldn’t have. But despite my best efforts, I had.

He’d been there for me in such a crucial and pivotal time of my life. One that changed me completely.

He saw the death of the old Venus Stone and the resurrection of the new one. He helped mould and shape her. Train her. Forge her.

And I loved this new version of her. Of me.

So as much as the fear in me would relish in running away from him like I had once done with River, I couldn’t do that again. A girl had to learn from her past mistakes, right?

I’d give him a few days to cool off and then I’d get in touch. Try to make things right and fix that friendship. Apologise. Make sure things ended on good terms.

I’d seek closure early this time.

Because I was a Knight now—or at least close to being one. Which meant we’d still be in each other's life in some capacity.

We agreed to keep things casual. Surely that meant we could get through this obstacle and go back to what we were before we gave in to that temptation—even if that was sexual-tension-filled-friends with way too much chemistry.

The warm body beside me stirred and I turned back to face the wolf shifter that I’d missed dearly.

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