Page 10 of Stargazer

But Celeste had given them one dangerous, don’t-fuck-with-me look before stomping away. A show of her detest at what and who they were. Enough that they didn’t bother her again. Especially after Sky had convinced Zander to leave it alone and let River heal on his own.

With time, they all began to move on and focus their efforts on the problem at hand: the rogues.

It clearly wasn’t an easy time for River, which only heightened my guilt. But she hadn't told me all of that to make me feel bad or regret my decisions. She told me to keep that promise of honesty. This new pact between us. Between all of us.

So in the spirit of honesty, I told her about the hunter that had infiltrated my heart. It wasn’t easy to admit, especially as I saw that previous spark of hope in her baby blues die out. Saw her gears metaphorically work, that warrior ready to strategize, attempting to figure out what this would mean for her Alpha—and for us as a group.

But seeing my confliction—all my hurt, fear and guilt—she no longer took on the role of a wolf concerned for her Alpha, or of a war general. She was just a girl worried for her friend. That was what I loved about this female; that she was able to look at things objectively and see all sides of the story. Even when she had every reason to be biased.

Instead, she gave me a reassuring smile and let me get what I needed off my chest.

I told her the truth: that things were over with Griffin; that we were always casual, even though it had felt like it developed into more, on my side anyway; that I held it back for as long as I could because of River; and that I didn’t know if things could go back to the way they were with Riv, but that I needed to see how things played out.

Throughout the whole conversation, there was a seriousness about her I wasn’t used to seeing. That spark that used to burn so brightly in her seemed dimmer than usual as she reflected on the hard times—not much of her usual bubbly nature shining through. I understood why. They’d been dealing with so much for months now and it was taking its toll. They were clearly worried.

But even still, she consoled me and promised that no matter what happened, she’d be there for me in whatever way I needed. In whatever capacity. And I knew that I had another strong, powerful and wonderful female to add to this ever-growing girl squad I was forming.

I hoped that somehow River and I could find a way to make this work again. To fix what had broken between us and rebuild that trust.

It was clear our dynamic would need to change. He couldn’t just be there to protect and look after me, we needed to be a team. I’d need to be that strong and independent person I’d learnt to become at the academy. The one that I felt like with Griffin.

He had brought that out in me. But surely that didn’t mean I couldn’t be that person with River if I wanted to.

I tried to picture what that would look like for River and myself. The Alpha and the Hunter.

But the image of Griffin and me fighting side by side, the one I’d seen so clearly after we had slept together that first time, flashed in my head.

I pushed it away.

Griffin wasn’t choosing me.

I needed to put the thought of Griff aside. The pain was fresh, so it was understandable that he’d be in my mind. But that … that was only a fling. This was real. And I was back now.

After our girl chat, I spent a few more hours with the pack. I had to admit, it felt a little hard not to let the raw feelings and my shame come through with Riv, especially after knowing what he’d gone through, so I tried not to be alone with him too much throughout the day. I knew we had discussed a lot of it last night, forgiven each other and promised we’d move on, but it would still take time to heal from these wounds.

Sky picked up on it and steered the rest of the afternoon, keeping things light for us. It was what we all needed. A day to just regroup and recover before we dealt with all the harder stuff. The stuff that was more difficult than mending relationships or making apologies: the looming threat and the upcoming full moon.

Eventually, I decided it was time to head home. Plus, the pack had training and patrols to attend to at some point, and even though they seemed happy to ignore it for the moment, I didn’t want to get in the way.

Speaking of training, I’d have to figure out the best way to keep on top of mine so I didn’t get rusty. Perhaps I’d get mum to train with me. Celeste could probably join in too and learn a few pointers. We could use all the help we could muster up to have a fighting chance.

The drive back to our modest family home was quiet and nostalgic, a sense of peace coating me as I took in the unchanged scenery and revelled in the much-needed quiet time.

The first bit of the route consisted of forest roads that gently winded, dotted here and there with private properties and large houses with lands that made the secluded nature of the packhouse not seem so odd to the townsfolk. The space that stretched out between these mansions was so wide that unaware travellers would likely assume the area was just forest. With the houses spread far and few belonging to the wealthiest families of Saint Claire, they were perfect for those that mostly kept to themselves and craved privacy. There weren’t very many of them though, so the scenic drive was always short-lived.

The pack house was perched right on the very end of the border, the last of the town denizens before the expanse of pure forest. A location chosen by the pack for obvious reasons that had been in the Alpha family for generations.

Once the affluent neighbourhood ended after just a few minutes, the trees cleared enough to host the busier streets of the main town, with smaller stores and local restaurants, the school and library, as well as more houses before you hit the main town square. I often used the surrounding residential roads to bypass the centre.

The Stone household was also on the outskirts of the town, on a less populated street that was bordered by towering pine trees with decent-sized, older family homes—all very similar to the Swan residence in Twilight. The rest of the houses in Saint Claire branched out from the main square until they too reached either more forest areas or other bordering towns.

Despite everything that dwelled between our house and the pack’s, the drive was no more than ten minutes, the route so familiar to me now that I could do it with my eyes closed. Which is why I felt like I had gotten home in a daze; my subconscious knowing exactly where it was going, following the path that was branded in my brain with little effort and almost no thought.

Pulling up to the house, I shifted my car into park in the driveway.

I kept going over it again and again in my head. Trying to find a way to forgive myself for running away. The only thing River was guilty of was protecting me. Lying to protect me, but still. I understood how they all thought they were doing what was necessary. It didn’t mean it didn’t hurt or that it was right, but it wasn't the worst trait to have; to love someone so fiercely that you’d do anything to protect them.

Although, he’d need to get better at being honest with me if we had any hope of this working again between us.

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