Page 90 of Stargazer

“I know, Vee. And I appreciate that. It’s hard not knowing what goes on there when I’m not around but I trust you, and you have every right to do whatever you need to do to make your decision.” He made an uncomfortable sound as he cleared his throat. “I don’t love it. But I get it.”

“You do?”

“I mean, I guess it’s only fair since I got to kiss you when you came back. Now we're ... even.”

This time, I could picture the shrug of his shoulders as he held the phone to his ear. I knew this guy that well. And honestly, he was too good to be true sometimes. How could I ever hurt him? He was the picture of calm, collected understanding. Of patience and reason. And that was what made him such a beloved leader.

It was part of the reason I had fallen in love with him in the first place.

Fuck, I felt so guilty.

But at least I told him. At least he knew.

“Thank you for being you, Riv.”

He chuckled again, the sound warm and light, easing the constriction of my heart ever so slightly. “I have no idea what that means. But you’re welcome.” There was a pause. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“I’m just … confused. And I’m sorry I’m putting you through this.”

“Please stop apologising.”

“I’m sorry.”

I didn’t mean for the words to come out again, it was just habit. Built into me from a lifetime of trying to please people.

“Vee,” he scolded, earning a laugh from me. He sighed. “Look, this situation is not black and white. We’ve entered into weird territory and we’re figuring it out. It’s a bit strange and it might not be ideal, but it’s okay.” He paused, and I knew he’d use the moment to push back his hair while he tried to get out the right words and express how he felt in a composed way. “Just keep me in the loop, okay? And thank you for telling me.”

I nodded. Not that he could see.

“Of course, Riv. I’m so—”

He cut me off with a pointed clearing of his throat.

“Right, stop apologising. Gotcha. Alright, well that’s it. You get back to the pack, I’m sure they’re falling apart without you.” I tried—and probably failed—to sound casual and light-hearted.

Right on cue, I heard Zander in the background. “Where the hell did Riv go?” He mumbled to someone.

Then I heard an “Ohhh”, indicating he found his Alpha.

“Hey, Vee,” he called out. “Say hi to your sister for me.” I could almost hear the smirk. “And tell her she should have come to training this morning. She needs all the help she can ge—”

The sound of Zander’s voice became muffled as it tailed off, like River had thrown his hand over Zan’s mouth to physically shut him up.

“Can you give me a damn minute?” Riv said to his Beta. “Sorry, Vee,” he directed back at me. “The rest of them might be able to get on without me but you know how needy Zan can be.” The sound of his laugh made me smile.

“Hey!” Zander exclaimed in the distance.

I laughed, enjoying how normal the interaction felt. So at odds with how I thought this conversation was going to go.

Did that make it better or worse?

Pushing the thought aside, I said, “Oh, trust me, I know.”

“I better get back. But if you need anything, let me know. I’d be happy to escape this lot.”

As much as his offer was lovely, I didn’t want to be with either of them right now. I wanted some time alone. And maybe after that, some time with my girls.

Plus, even though I knew he’d happily leave them for me, I also knew the pack needed to be together right now. They had spent a lot of time scattered and dispersed. It was unnatural for a pack. And couldn’t be good for them. Having them all in the same place had become a rarity that needed to be enjoyed, especially given their lack of pack bonfires over the last few months. Maybe I’d suggest one. Even if it wasn’t on the full moon, they needed it.

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