Page 106 of Stargazer

My eyes pleaded with him to understand as I continued to spill my soul to him. “But when I saw you, and with the way things were left with Griff, I thought maybe I could push away what I felt for him and simultaneously pick up how I felt about you—if our issues were addressed. Especially because I was wrong. And the guilt for leaving was riding me. I thought I owed you that much at least. You did everything right. From the moment I’ve been back, you have been nothing but amazing and perfect. And open. But my heart still lingered with him. Even when I tried to pretend that maybe it didn’t. I might have gotten over it if he never came back. But that wouldn’t have been fair on you. I wasn’t honest to myself, and as a result, I wasn’t honest to you or him either. I’m so sorry.”

He had sat up while I divulged all that to him, grabbing my hand and brushing his thumb against it in comforting strokes. He cupped my check now, wiping away the tears that slid down my face. I had no idea when they had started, but there was a whole stream of them.

“Vee, stop. This isn’t something you can control. You don’t need to apologise for this. In fact, you need to stop apologising so much in general.” He pulled me into his chest and encased me in his strong arms. Then just held me, rubbing my back soothingly. His head rested against the top of my own and his next words sounded muffled with how tucked into his embrace I was.

“I am happy that you made your decision. And I’m happy that you figured out what you want. You deserve to be happy. We’ll be okay.”

The kindness and understanding in his response made me sob harder and I knew that I was drenching his top. Not that he cared one single bit. That would never matter to him.

And how the fuck was he the one comforting me right now?

Gosh, he was too good to be true.

When I finally calmed down and the sobbing slowed, he continued to rub my back as he spoke to me. Told me his truth.

“As much as I want to be everything that you need, I’ll always struggle with the balance of keeping you safe and giving you what you want. The desire to protect what’s mine at all costs will always be part of who I am—who my wolf is. I’m an Alpha and it’s my job. It’s my innate nature. Especially when it comes to the person I’ve chosen to be my mate. I lose rational thought when it comes to her and her safety. When it comes to you. I’ve seen what an incredible, badass fighter you are. How capable and strong you are. But even still, it’s an internal battle for me every time you are out on patrol or putting yourself in danger. Letting you take care of yourself without running to your rescue. Letting you fight your own battles and grow as a Knight. I know it’s what you need, and I would have fought to be that for you forever. But I’ve seen that when it comes to you, that comes naturally to him. He knows what you need and want without you having to say a word.”

I pulled back a bit so I could look up at him. “He’s my soul flame,” I admitted, taking a minute to explain the concept to him.

“Well … that makes sense.” His gaze was a warm and comforting caress. As was the little knowing half-smile he gave me.

I narrowed my brows in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I could see it. Like this aura around you two. The way you moved around each other was almost in question and answer. Like yin and yang. I don’t know how to explain it, but I could tell. Could feel it.”

“Oh.”

“I had a feeling this was coming, Vee. It’s really okay. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be that for you. That we were doomed to begin with, but I am happy for you.”

“Don’t say that,” I begged.

He chuckled, the sound so juxtaposing to how I felt. “You know what I mean. Maybe we were destined to be in each other’s lives for other reasons and we just took the reins and tried to change fate. Made it what we thought it was meant to be.”

Seeing the deflated expression still on my face, he smoothed down my hair with both hands. “I wouldn’t change a minute of it, though. Not for anything. But maybe this was the way it was meant to be, Vee.”

And this was why I’d always love him. So full of warmth and tenderness. River was golden; sunshine incarnate. Like that luminous amber embrace you felt when you closed your eyes in the sunlight. Radiating light and pleasure and gilding everything around him.

You would think that the wolf would be the night, ruled by the moon—dark and unpredictable and full of unseen dangers. But that wasn’t River.

My Knight, on the other hand, was the unbridled serene depth and mysterious beauty of the dark. The night.

They were both beautiful in their own way. But one just happened to be more suited to me.

Yet I knew that River would find someone that was perfectly created for him.

“I love the person that you are, Riv. You know that right? A part of me will always love you. Always hold on to the years we spent together,” I confessed.

“I know, Vee. I love you too. I always will.”

“Don’t forget that your fated is out there somewhere. You have a mate, Riv. It was the elephant in the room we always refused to acknowledge, but we knew one day it would become a reality we had to face.”

“You know how I feel about that.”

It was my turn to offer him comfort. I gently pushed his hair out of his face. “I know. But I think now that you don’t have me holding you back, you need to be open to it. You know what all the mated wolves say about the bond. I know you’re afraid, but it’s going to be everything you need and want, all wrapped up in one amazing person.”

He nodded, not looking fully convinced but accepting it anyway based on my conviction.

When I got back, the girls were waiting for me. They’d come to Casa Stone and were inside with Cel.

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