Page 11 of Consorting with Romance

I nodded again.

“The first time we came here, Cherie implied the world would end the day you bring in a date.”

Fuck.

“You don’t date, or you don’t bring them here?”

Fuck. Not this.

“I don’t date.” I said without elaboration.

“Ever?” His golden eyes narrowed in confusion as he watched me closely.

Please don’t make me explain. I don’t want to see the look in your eyes when you realize.

“I had a boyfriend once when I was like seventeen. But no, these days I don’t date.”

He looked thoughtful for a long time before asking,“Why not?”

Please. No.

I chuckled awkwardly and attempted to change the subject. “You’re just full of questions tonight, aren’t you?”

He blushed and dropped his eyes for a moment as he mumbled. “Sorry.”

His gaze caught mine, and the ache in the pit of my stomach grew. I felt like I was going to be sick. I tried to tell myself that my fish was a bit off.

“Because who’d want to date me?” My whisper escaped before I could stop it.

“You can’t be serious?”

I felt my face soften as I fought to keep my smile light and respond gently. He clearly saw me as his friend, and he hadn’t fully contemplated the situation.

I struggled to keep my voice from cracking. Being alone had never bothered me. I enjoy my own company. I had my plants and my books. For twentyyears now, it hadn’t bothered me. Why was I this choked up? Why was he making me explain? It felt like those honey eyes pierced my soul when I finally allowed myself to look up.

“Jess, who wants to come home to a man who’sfucked fourother people that day?”

As I watched, realization slid into those beautiful pools of amber.

“Yeah, I guess not most people.” he said quietly.

I let my eyes soften even further as I tried to keep the hurt at bay. “Not any people, Jess.”

He was quiet for a long moment. “Aren’t you lonely?”

I ached. I was desperately lonely; I just hadn’t realized it until now. I didn’t want any more of his pity.

“I’ve always been sort of a loner. I like reading and gardening and art. I have plenty of sex.” I laughed a bit at that. “And, now I have you as a friend.” Fuck, why had I let that slip out. “How could I be lonely?”

He looked unconvinced but smiled gently, nodded, and quickly changed the subject. I was somehow both grateful he’d accepted my explanation as the full truth and dismayed that I hadn’t been honest with him.

Six weeks later, I found him waiting for meon a day we weren’t scheduled to have dinner. I walked out as I was pulling my hair back and raised an eyebrow at him in question. Over the last few months, we’d learned to communicate with simple gestures like that. He smiled and began one of his awkward stammers at which I found myself grinning broadly. Fuck, it was adorable when he did that. Fuck! Yet again I’d thought of him using a word like adorable. I had finally admitted to myself that I had feelings for him, and I was trying my best to berate myself whenever I noticed I'd responded in an emotional way.

“So…I was thinking…I looked at…”

I waited quietly.

After a moment, he continued smoothly. “I noticed you don’t have any clients on Thursdaybecause of the Holiday. Do you have plans?”

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