Page 60 of Waiting to Love You

Everything was perfect. I was wrapped in Seth’s arms, feeling safe. Loved. Protected. And in blissful ignorance of the pain I was about to cause the two of us. If I learned one thing from all of this, it’s that I was denying my feelings for Seth. Self-sabotaging the first real love I’ve ever had in my life because I didn’t want to get hurt. If I didn’t love him, I’d have stayed away from him when he came back into town. I don’t think I’d have told him right away about Rebekah, but I damn sure wouldn’t have waited this long because our daughter deserves her father.

I wasn’t truly afraid of her being hurt or him mistreating her in any way. What I was afraid of was the chance that he wouldn’t want me, too. I’ve seen it happen many times before. Co-parenting is possible and is a healthy way for two people to remain in their children’s lives, even if a relationship doesn’t work out between them. But that isn’t what I wanted. My heart knew the moment I laid eyes on him that it had found its other half, and I wouldn’t take the chance of giving that up for anything.

I tried to be careful and protect my heart from Seth, but he broke down all my defenses, worming his way into my heart and becoming a part of me. A part that will remain broken until the day I die. He promised to give me everything I ever wanted, but I was too afraid to take that leap of faith. If I can’t fix things between us, Seth will be there for our daughter. Even before this moment, I knew Seth had always wanted a family, a place to feel like he belonged, and he’d get that with our daughter. I’ll make sure of it, even if it means we can’t be together.

“I was so selfish,” I mumble softly, not expecting anyone to answer me.

“I’m glad you finally figured that part out.” My head snaps toward the door as I glimpse Brady leaning against the doorframe.

“Not helping, Brady.” Audrey scowls at him as the rest of the guys come filing into the room, each one going directly for their partner. “We can’t change the past, but we can change the future.”

I stare at him for a few minutes, waiting for him to say something useful, but he doesn’t say a word. Brady can’t be much taller than me, if at all. His skin is tanned darker than usual, probably because of all the time he spends outside at the construction site. His muscular build is covered in a flannel shirt, rolled to the elbows with a pair of dark-washed jeans. My eyes flick back to his, a soft, reassuring smile plastered on my face, but I don’t get the same in return. Instead, he narrows his forest green eyes as he crosses his arms over his chest, glaring at the four of us.

“What are you even still doing here?” Selina questions as she throws her arm over my shoulder and pulls me into her chest.

“My ride left.” Brady sighs, coming further into the room and dropping into one of the empty chairs at the table. “Why didn’t you tell him sooner? Hell, why didn’t any of you say anything?”

“They didn’t know. At least the guys didn’t,” I respond, looking all my friends in the eyes and begging them to understand. “By the time I found out I was pregnant, enough time had passed that no one put two and two together. Then Audrey moved here, and Selina came home, and well, life happened.

“I told Audrey and Leia because I was scared. Leia was there when I found out I was pregnant, and Audrey was a single mother for fifteen years. I needed someone to talk to.”

Connor plants a kiss on the top of Audrey’s head before he wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her toward him. My heart aches for that. I want more than anything to have someone stand behind me and support me when I feel as if my entire world is falling apart. Too bad the only person I want right now may never want to speak to me again.

“I convinced myself that keeping this a secret was protecting Rebekah from getting hurt. I didn’t know when or if Seth was going to be coming back.”

“I get that, but you could’ve called, written him a letter, anything,” Brady says as he pulls his ball cap off his head before running his hand through his dark blonde hair. “You knew we were in the same unit, and you didn’t even try to get in contact with him.”

“You’re right, but he could’ve contacted me, too. I gave him my phone number the last time I saw him. I waited by the phone for weeks. I answered every unknown number, hoping it was him, but he never called. I didn’t even know he was back in town until we ran into each other on Main Street.”

“I don’t know why Seth didn’t contact you the minute he got back into town, but if I had to make a guess, it’s because he’s a planner. He probably wanted to have everything perfect before approaching you.”

“Look, I can completely understand why Seth is angry, but I would bet he’s more hurt than anything,” Vance chimes in as he takes a seat next to Selina. “Hurt by all of us.”

“Not me. I had no idea about any of this. I only came for the free food.” Brady holds his hands up in surrender. “But Seth called you pretty much every week when we first left, hoping you wouldn’t forget the boy who promised to love you forever. After about a month, he tried to hide it, but he was still calling you occasionally, usually after a mail call when someone got a package or photos from home.”

Tears once again pool in my eyes as I listen to him tell me about how heartbroken Seth was. “How did I not know?”

I cover my face with my hands as my mind goes through all the mistakes I’ve made over the last year. I should have contacted Seth to let him know about Rebekah as soon as I found out I was pregnant. Now, with the thought of not having him in either of our lives as a real possibility, my reasoning seems irrelevant.

“Oh, shit!” Selina shouts, making everyone in the room jump in surprise.

“Sorry,” she says bashfully, before turning her attention toward me. “Do you remember those weird phone calls you were getting?”

“The unknown numbers,” I whisper. “At first, I answered them religiously, hoping he would call, but after a while, I stopped, brushing them off as a wrong number or a telemarketer trying to sell me something. I never imagined that they could have been Seth calling me from overseas.”

“Yeah, the satellite phones they give us come up with a restricted or unknown number. They say it’s for OPSEC purposes, but I think they’re full of shit.” Brady pushes up from the chair and heads for the front door. “I’ll go talk to him.”

He walks out of the room without a second glance. I want to follow him and demand he take me to Seth. I want another chance to explain myself, to make him understand why I did what I did in the first place. But I know now is not the time. Brady’s right. Not only have I betrayed him, but he probably feels like a sizeable group of his friends knew about Rebekah and didn’t tell him, as well.

“We’re coming, too!” Vance shouts as he stands up and jogs after Brady. “We need to apologize, and I’m sure he has questions.”

Connor looks over at Vance and nods as he kisses Audrey on the head before following Vance out of the room.

“How the hell am I going to get out of this mess?” I look at two of my friends, hoping that they have the answer to all my problems.

“I don’t know, Bri.” Audrey grips my hand tightly and squeezes. “But let the guys have a talk with him, and he’ll be back.”

“I’m not too sure.”

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